Well, this week has been atrociously crazy. Not that this upcoming week is any different. Which is good, in a way. It means I’m busy, which really is to say that I’m starting to make more money, which is really good. Not sure if I used my commas correctly in that last sentence but I’m too tired to think any harder about it or fix the damn sentence. Which brings me to my top 5 list this week…
Top 5 Reasons Why Bradley’s Brain Doesn’t Work Right Now
5) My overall lack of caffeine consumption
One of the things that sucks is my inability to have more than a couple of (watered-down) coffee during the day. You see, when you have Meniere’s Disease (that pesky inner-ear disorder where my tubes can close up or flood and I get to deal with vertigo, excessive hearing loss, vision impairment, increased depression, etc. You know, all the fun stuff…) one of the things you have to do is cut back on caffeine. Caffeine restricts blood vessels so it can spur on a Meniere’s attack. In fact, MY LAST ATTACK was due to over-caffeinating (if that’s a word) and the heat, so I’ve been very sensitive to caffeine since then. But, that also means that when you need a little pick me up, you can’t have it or you risk the worst. Some days, that risk is worth it…
4) Wildly inconsistent meal times/missing meals
Since this week has been so hectic, I realized that a large part of my fatigue is due to missed meals. Being a musician means lots of late nights. But, doing all my office work (booking, poster making, set writing, looking for bandmates, researching new areas, etc.) in conjunction with my music bingo and podcast producing jobs on top of that, also means a lot of long days. All of which is to say, I’ve definitely missed many a meal this week and have had to make up meals around the midnight or so when I return home. Not a healthy/great way to do it and definitely hasn’t been helping me stave off fatigue.
3) Decision fatigue
I talked about this recently in a blog but I don’t remember when, and I’m too tired to look it up. But, my theory on this is that all energy (mental, physical, emotional, spiritual if you’re so inclined) is related so if you are taxing one area, say mental, once it reaches it’s limit, it will start to take from the others, most notably, physical. So, as I continue to struggle to make enough money as a musician (what musician doesn’t?) it makes every decision that much more impactful since it could affect my ability to, oh, you know, pay rent and eat food (another reason my meals this week have been shitty, cheapness). Since there’s no playbook for becoming a successful musician other than (trying to) book as many shows as possible, play in multiple bands for extra opportunities, hustle all day long and hope for the best/a shitload of luck, it means that it requires your brain to actively be involved in everything. Should I be targeting different venues? Should I shelve playing shows for a bit and focus on putting together a full-time band? Should I start recording again so I have new material to promote? If I do that, what happens to my current stock of records? What would I do with that new material? Should I finally bite the bullet and join social media? Should I record more videos so people have new online content to consume? Should I learn more popular covers and try and play more background type shows? Should I invest in my bass equipment so I can join another band that way? WHEN DO I FINALLY GET TO DO SOMETHING CREATIVE AGAIN?!
That is what’s swimming in my head just in the past few minutes. Thinking about, detailing the potential time vs. results, weighing those options, putting together a plan, all in my head takes a lot of mental energy which saps my physical energy. Hence, where I’m at now.
2) Too much “peopling” without a break
Now, most people when they meet me think I’m an extrovert. I love meeting new people and learning about them. It’s fascinating and I think getting to know those around us the reason we’re here on Earth, apart from our special task (mine is writing/telling stories to help people feel less fucked up and alone in this world like I felt most of my life, still do). But, having Asperger’s means that while I don’t necessarily outwardly have social interaction issues, it still is an emotional energy drain (there’s that darn energy thing again). So, when I have lots of peopling to do, I usually try and schedule a day to myself to just crash and watch TV (usually on Sundays to watch football. GO PACK GO!). But, with this week (and the next) being so crazy, I haven’t had a day off in while to recharge my peopling power. I’m running low. But, luckily I have some shows this week which will help recharge the old battery to get me through. But, I’ve scheduled next Sunday as a crash day and I’m really, really, really looking forward to it. Fucking Asperger’s…
1) My cat…
To be sure, I love my cat BUT she’s also a huge pain in my ass… As someone who is out late almost every night of the week, waking up at 5am is not my purview. A typical cycle goes like this: I’ll be out playing or at a show or whatever, get home around 11:30 or midnight, have to decompress from the energy/peopling, head to bed around 1 or 2am depending on how energized/exhausted I am, get up at 5 or 5:30am to feed my cat before she tears apart everything in my apartment in an effort to get my attention/be the biggest asshole in the house (tough to beat me but she does, fucking Catspergers…), try and fall back asleep for a while, which sometimes works and sometimes doesn’t, then wake up after another hour or so since I wasn’t really sleeping well that second go round, say fuck it, and start my day half-awake and half-dead. Awesome. Thanks Lovey…
So, there you have it. And that’s all, folks…
(dictated but not read)