I was bored/drunk and kicking around my old iTunes and found these. Oh, and I thought it was fucking Monday until about two hours ago when I was told that was not the case. So, sorry this is two days late but I didn’t know until two hours ago so fuck it. Stupid drinking holidays messing with my days… Anyhow, back in the day when I was a teenager, before I had status and before I had a pager, or something like that, I was a young ambitious singer/songwriter. I thought every feeling I felt was important and worth relaying to the world. Then I hit my Bob Dylan phase where I wrote songs that began with lines like:
There’s a black moonlight tear across her pale face
but the girl holding an iris feels oddly out of place
and the son of a preacher brings only disgrace
to his uncle selling honesty from a jar
Sooo… You know…
But, before that, I was a baby faced kid who typed out his lyrics on a royal quiet de luxe. Wait, I still do that… Shit. Well, I was baby faced and naive, so that counts for something. Some of the songs I wrote I still enjoy, including the two I will be sharing with you. The performance’s aren’t always brilliant and I’ve always had more confidence than skill as a singer, which shines through in these recordings. But, there is something here. An energy I love and don’t always have these days. I used to write like five or six songs per month (though most were shite/forgettable) but some weren’t terrible. You may think these are rough (they are) but I hope you can at least take in the emotion, the fears, the naivete, the conviction, the narcissism, the hope, the despair, the raw sexuality (OK maybe not that one) of these tunes. I haven’t heard these in years and have no reason to share them other than the fact that I’m drunk on a Monday/Wednesday (thanks New Years!) or whatever the fuck it is and I’m nostalgic. Anywho…
SONG FOR GOD
A song written about/for my first real girlfriend. Or at least about my first real pussy, or as it’s otherwise known: God. Just kidding (kind of) but reading back over the lyrics, I’m surprised I was as honest as I was. My favorite line:
There’s a picture on her arm that’s only a scar
a reminder of times when faith wasn’t all that she had left to dream of
She would get tattoos to cover the cutting scars she had. I would only later (and for different reasons) learn about that. I’m about to get my first tattoo to cover some scars from my bouts of dissociative behavior. Anyhow, this song makes me feel like I’m 18 and depressed which is so much more hopeful than being like 30 and depressed. Not sure why. I guess it’s probably more depressing to be young and sad than experienced and sad. Who knows… Speaking of…
too happy to ever be anything (a symphony that has never begun)
One of the most raw and honest songs I’ve ever written. I’m clearly struggling with my recently found (then lost) religion. Had a friend whose dad was a preacher. I really enjoyed his sermons until he said that all music should be in praise of God or it’s sinful. He lost me and I never felt comfortable with organized religion again. I desperately wanted something to believe in but realized it was music and not religion. Humans aren’t meant to interpret God, unless through pure beauty and art. Music is how I hear/know God and always be. Don’t get me started on Jesus, or else risk a long tirade about the absurdity of the new testament… Thank you for not getting me started. Anyways, listen to the songs and enjoy this rare peek into the very young and inexperienced and raw world of 18 year old Bradley Wik. Because I know you all give a shit… Well, I do, so fuck it..
(dictated but not read)
