I know, I’m on a weird blogging schedule these days. In my defense, I rarely know what day it is anymore. I guess that’s not really a defense but I’m going with it. Sort of how those who are somehow still opposing impeachment are going with “Trump is openly promoting Russian propaganda and compromising American elections and national security, again, by asking a foreign government, again, to smear a U.S. citizen? Well, something, something, Hunter Biden. Something, something, Adam Schiff. Something, something, FISA warrants.” Aah, that’s fun, isn’t it? One side says something backed up by evidence and research and the other just says something random and nonsensical and unrelated. Just like they’ve done on climate change (or the climate crisis, as I like to say; whichever you prefer), gay rights (or, as I like to call it, plain old human rights as it’s absurd to marginalize people based on sexual preferences. Some people like blondes, some brunettes or whatever, some like blondes or brunettes or whatever but with their own gender. Oooh, scary. But, I’d like to remind everyone that we have real issues to worry about here. Like, oh, I don’t know, maybe how our current President is literally a sexual predator who has been accused of rape, sexual assault, and sexual harassment, including non-consensual kissing or groping, by at least 23 women; which means the actual number is likely higher as many assaults go unreported. And that’s not even including his connection to Jeffrey Epstein where Trump is quoted as saying: “I’ve known Jeff for fifteen years. Terrific guy. He’s a lot of fun to be with. It is even said that he likes beautiful women as much as I do, and many of them are on the younger side. No doubt about it — Jeffrey enjoys his social life.” Somehow all that seems a bit more prescient than worrying about others’ sexual preferences…), women’s rights (like abortion, access to birth control, etc.) and on and on, usually by hiding behind the veil of “religion” despite Jesus’ main message being acceptance of all. Whatever…
These impeachment hearings are driving me nuts. It’s becoming harder and harder to understand why angry, ignorant, privileged, old white guys are deciding the future of this country. It makes no sense. Finland just elected a 34 year old woman as their Prime Minister. That makes more sense to me. One can dream…
Anyway, when I get all worked up, my wife usually tells me to go play guitar or listen to music. So, I’m going to do that. Want to take a journey with me? Let’s go!
1) Genesis - “Mama”
I’m gonna be honest, I didn’t know there was a music video for this until tonight. I don’t know how this eluded me and I feel ashamed as a huge Genesis/Phil Collins fan. But, “Ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha-oeww.” I think that’s the proper onomatopoeia for that ridiculous thing Phil does in this song. It makes me happy every time. I can’t even remember why I was so angry earlier. I just want to “Ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha-oeww” for the next few days. Maybe that’s just the weird, obsessive Asperger’s side of me, but my poor wife is gonna hear “Ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha-oeww” at least another 50 times. Pray for her… And for me. She might kill me if I don’t stop “Ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha-oeww”-ing, which I won’t be able to…
2) Billy Joel - “We Didn’t Start the Fire”
Does this song have the dumbest song lyrics of all-time? Maybe, but it’s also awesome. It’s my life’s goal to learn all those nonsensical lyrics someday. #lifegoals (that’s a thing I’ve heard people say in real life, so it’s likely an interwebs thing. I don’t know…)
William Joel is one of the preeminent songwriters in the history of our great country but these are two of the actual verses in this song:
“Birth control, Ho Chi Minh, Richard Nixon back again
Moonshot, Woodstock, Watergate, punk rock
Begin, Reagan, Palestine, terror on the airline
Ayatollah's in Iran, Russians in Afghanistan
"Wheel of Fortune", Sally Ride, heavy metal, suicide
Foreign debts, homeless vets, AIDS, crack, Bernie Goetz
Hypodermics on the shores, China's under martial law
Rock and roller cola wars, I can't take it anymore”
Yep. The same man who wrote “The Stranger,” “Glass Houses,” “52nd Street,” and “An Innocent Man” wrote those words.
Speaking of Asperger’s, if you haven’t listened to perhaps the greatest recounting of Asperger’s/Autism in song, stop everything you’re doing and listen to “I Go to Extremes” now if you want to understand how we work. Don’t think this is what Joel was aiming for when writing this tune but my wife constantly makes fun of me about this song. It’s always, “I can’t believe Billy wrote a song about you” or something like that.
3) Alanis Morissette - “Hand in my Pocket”
Man, did Alanis fucking rock the 90’s. Sure, her harmonica playing leaves something to be desired but so many hits and she’s such a fucking badass. Speaking of contradictions and possibly Asperger’s-y songs, this one is right there. It’s weird how disparate and diametrically opposed Asperger’s can be. I’ve literally had companies make me take personality tests 2 or 3 times because the answers didn’t align with their predetermined personality types so they thought I was lying, not qualified, etc. but in reality it’s just how my Asperger’s manifests and how I can be more than one thing at once. I’m an extroverted introvert. I’m a loquacious thinker. I’m outwardly confident but inwardly focused. I’m a terrible listener but an excellent observer of humans. I feel more myself while performing music in front of a crowd than I do at home in my underwear. I’m an adventurous person who simultaneously would rather be at home. I love trying new foods but eat the same thing every day for lunch. I’m a spontaneous creature of habit. I think that’s enough examples; you get the point. Not sure what Alanis’ intent was with this song but it’s strangely an Asperger’s anthem.
4) Umm, whatever this is…
OK, so it’s Bad Brains but this is ridiculously funny. I don’t know why I get such a kick out of this but I do. Long live Bad Brains and Charlie Brown!
5) Sesame Street cameos that somehow happened…
Like JOHNNY CASH and PAUL SIMON.
6) Norm Macdonald creates one of my favorite Conan memories of all-time
Yep. I guess I’m officially off-topic right now. Things just got weird. A fourth bourbon will do that. But, we all feel like Conan after that rambling, weird, and ultimately hilarious joke/non-joke. Norm is my favorite. One of the best standup shows I’ve ever seen live. At the show he made an audience member storm out in protest by asking genuine questions about their religion. Nothing offensive or condescending, just why they believed something they did. They got so defensive but had no rational answers and got up and left in anger. It was strange to see someone, who supposedly held their beliefs so strongly, unable to answer basic questions as to why they believed so strongly in something and get so angry so quickly when someone honestly asked them to defend it. Wish that wasn’t how most people are these days, but unfortunately it is. Trying to have an honest debate is nearly impossible nowadays. It’s sad people are so insecure that they instantly get angry/defensive whenever someone doesn’t agree with them. It’s such a sad thing that we can’t have educated and civil disagreements anymore…
7) Battle of the Network Stars
Sorry folks, we’re way out in the sticks now. But, this is a thing that used to happen. I remember being on vacation in Wisconsin a few years back (vacation in Wisconsin?! I know. But we were visiting family and then taking some time for ourselves) and it was one of those truly Midwest Winter days, you know, -5 degrees with a -25 windchill, so there wasn’t much to do/open. We stayed at the hotel and watched an entire rerun of one of the Battle of the Network Stars, much to my wife’s dismay. But, she eventually got into it and was rooting for Tom Selleck, as we all were, as he proved his former collegiate sports skills. Man, I could watch BotNS reruns all day, every day…
8) Peter and Quagmire Sing!
Maybe this isn’t going to get any better tonight so I think we’ll end it here. I often wake up with these songs stuck in my head. I also love how well MacFarlane harmonizes with himself in different voices. He’s so fucking talented. Crazy to think he went to music school with Frank Sinatra Jr. and is equally talented vocally, but is also one of the funniest people in the history of the world. Long live Seth MacFarlane…
(dictated but not read)
