OK, so it’s been a strange week. Not good, not bad, just strange. Sometimes I feel like I’m floating in one of those salt baths and I’m losing my sense of self (in addition to all my actual senses). I get a little panicky as I’m beginning to lose spacial awareness and what direction is what. The lack of time is the hardest. As someone with Asperger’s, time is of the utmost importance to me. Maybe that’s just me and the way my Asperger’s manifests but I have a borderline panic attack if I think I’m going to be late for something. I’m ridiculously good at time management and planning (unless I’m doing something creative like writing a song, recording, etc. then I might miss a whole day. BUT, I also usually account for that in my schedule, so I guess I’m not really off schedule even then). But, these days I don’t feel a particular connection to time and I don’t know how to react to it. I think the time thing is heavily related to routines (which most on the spectrum desperately need) and it could be that lack of routines that is throwing me off. Who knows? But the only routines I currently have are waking up and making coffee, and eating cottage cheese after playing a show. Still not sure how that second one came about but it’s a routine which means I need to do it regardless of how weird it sounds. It all feels… not good, not bad, just strange…
All of which is to preface that I have three very weird, very divergent topics for you this week. These are some of the core tenets of Bradley Wik which he will take to his grave. Not sure why I went third-person there, but apart from my belief in things like gravity, cheese being the greatest food on Earth, the moon landing in 1969 being a hoax, 1975 being the greatest year for music ever (Springsteen’s “Born to Run,” Dylan’s “Blood on the Tracks" and Neil Young’s “Tonight’s the Night” all came out that year; all of which are in my top 5 albums of all-time), and the Sony MDR-7506’s being the greatest deal in headphones ever (still only $99, lightweight for longer sessions and super accurate. Sure, the sound isolation during recording doesn’t match some other brands like the Sennheiser HD280’s, but those also weigh like twice as much. Not fun for a 14 hour session…); the following are three things I will work tirelessly to promote to anyone within earshot. My voice will be heard. While I’m alive, I’ll make tiny changes to Earth (rest in your much deserved peace, Scott Hutchison…) starting with these three.
So, here we go…
1) “Who Dunnit?” by Genesis
“Who Dunnit?” is the best bad song ever, and it’s my goal to make everyone around me listen to it and love it like it was their own child… OK, well, at least think it’s funny enough to make others listen to it. Sort of like a virus I’m trying to spread to the world. Wait, that sounds bad. Scratch that. More like three and a half minutes of pure joy that needs to be experienced at least once in your life. And then experienced again. And again. And again once you officially can’t get it out of your head and you find yourself making a reference to it when you’re hanging out with your friends and then you have to explain to them why you keep saying “We know” or “We don’t know” like that and you get sort of embarrassed but then you have to show them so they at least don’t think you’re an insane person and then after listening to “Who Dunnit?” they all look at you like a crazy person anyways but then later that week they find themselves humming something they can’t get out of their head and can only remember the words “Was it you or was it me?” which makes it hard to google so they text you and ask what the hell was that song you played for them last weekend and you sheepishly text back “Who Dunnit?” by Genesis and they’re like “Genesis? Is that the same as Phil Collins? My mom loves Phil Collins” and you’re like “Genesis is fucking awesome and no, they’re different, not completely but either way they’re still way better with Collins than Gabriel” and your friend shoots back “What the hell are you talking about?” and you get all fired up and send over Spotify links to “Invisible Touch,” “Abacab,” “Genesis” and “We Can’t Dance” and tell them to stop everything they’re doing and listen to these NOW and they send back “I’m at work, idiot” and you text back “We know, we know, we know, we know, we know, we don’t know, we don’t know, we all know we don’t know, we all know we don’t know…” and suddenly everything in the world feels right… Good times…
2) Just put water in the damn cups! (especially you, Hallmark…)
In movies and TV, characters are constantly getting and drinking coffee. It gives them something to do and makes it seem more realistic as opposed to just standing around spouting dialogue to move a story forward. I get it. BUT, they always use empty coffee cups and it drives me nuts as the actors are unable to make it seem like there’s anything in the cups ever. It looks so ridiculous to see them flail about with a recently obtained cup of joe or trying to simulate drinking while only sucking air or carry the cups in unrealistic ways that would dump that hot java all over themselves or others. This is insane. I get it. Actors don’t want to drink coffee take after take or risk spilling it which would slow down production. That makes sense to me. BUT, would filling the cups halfway (or less) with water really cause that many issues? Especially for scenes where they have to pretend to actually drink and swallow the invisible coffee. Taking a sip of water makes it easier on everyone including lubricating those overworked vocals chords during takes.
The worst culprit of this is Hallmark. Most of their movies are centered around Christmas and therefore wintertime, so people are always grabbing coffee, hot chocolate, etc. They are often on the go and/or coming into a room with it, then faking a drink so they can set it down and move on with the scene. Given the already likelihood that if the actor hits the mark and says the line mostly intact they’re moving on, they are unlikely to give a shit if the actor convincingly conveyed the simple human act of drinking well or not. We know they have to make like 100 or so movies a year, so time is of the essence. Take, for example, Hallmark’s made up cafe name in one of their movies (I forget which one. But, maybe you know it. It’s the one where the busy girl who lives the exciting but unfulfilling life in the big city returns home, runs into a former boyfriend, initially doesn’t like him, shenanigans ensue, they end up having to spend time together to save the city or some bullshit, they fall back in love after she falls from a ladder trying to decorate a tree, and she gives up her job to move back home. You know the one I’m talking about, right?). They called it the “Kris Kringle Kafe.” No joke. The KKK… Nice job. They even made a fake sign for the building and no one said anything.
But, given that Hallmark is on such a time crunch to begin with and doesn’t always employ the best actors (though if Lacey Chabert can’t pretend to drink from an empty cup convincingly, who can?), they always have the most glaring examples of this. Gilmore Girls also had me screaming at the screen quite often but you don’t want to miss jokes so you tend to rant less during the episodes. With Hallmark movies, that’s not an issue. There’s plenty of time to scream “JUST PUT WATER IN THE CUP!” at the screen and not be worried about missing key bits of dialogue given almost every movie follows the format above.
Like I said, I understand the reasons against putting any liquid in the cups. The last thing an actor needs is another thing to worry about like spilling water on themselves when they have to remember all that wonderfully intricate dialogue while walking to a spot marked off on the floor, but I think they can manage. For the record, I really put bourbon in my glass and took actual drinks of beer when making MY MUSIC VIDEO FOR “LOOKIN’ AT LUCKEY.” You know why? Because I’m method, man. Not to be confused with Method Man who is way more awesome than I’ll ever be…
3) Why is NewsRadio not a more popular show?
This has confounded me for years; especially since my mom got me the complete DVD set, which was on clearance somewhere since no one was buying it. She had remembered me loving reruns of “NewsRadio” from who knows how many years ago and surprised me with it. It’s one of my favorite and most unexpected gifts ever. But, since owning it and re-watching every episode countless times, I have come to the conclusion that either:
A) No one knows this show exists
or
B) People are stupid
Every time I hear someone extol the virtues and genius of “Arrested Development,” I think of this show. No, they are not the same type of show exactly, but they have a similar feel. They’re both witty, silly, outrageous, well-written, well-acted, ensemble type shows. My favorite thing in the world is when someone can pull off stupid and clever at the same time. It’s incredibly hard to do. Tina Fey can do it. Will Ferrell can do it. Seth MacFarlane can do it. “Seinfeld” did it. “Arrested Development” did it. “NewsRadio” did it. There’s probably a few I’m missing, but my point is the list isn’t long and “NewsRadio” should be required watching. It’s like the better version of “Parks and Rec.” “NewsRadio” is zany (see: Matthew and Bill), full of lovable, idiosyncratic characters (see: Dave, Joe and Beth) and is incredibly well-acted (see: Jimmy James, Catherine and Lisa). The Outer Space and Titanic episodes are brilliant one-off episodes that show the wit (and nerdiness) of the writing. There are too many quotable lines that are waiting to be unleashed on the public (and they are waiting, trust me. No one laughs and then I have to explain what I’m referencing and then I get the dead eyes stare of someone who has no clue what show I’m talking about. Sometimes, I’ll get the “is that a Netflix show?” and then the “really?” when I say it was on NBC during the same time period as “Seinfeld” and “Friends”).
I also have no clue why this show has not been on Netflix or Hulu or Amazon. It was briefly (it may still be) on Crackle but even then was only 2-3 seasons, and no one fucking watches Crackle. If there was justice in the world, “NewsRadio” would be popping up on the recommendations for everyone who has watched “Seinfeld,” “30 Rock,” “Parks and Rec,” “Arrested Development,” “The Larry Sanders Show,” hell, even “The Office” (original or American, though it’s probably closer to the American series, just much funnier). I’ve never met a single person who said they watched it and didn’t like it or think it was funny. Then again, I’ve only ever met one other person who is sure they’ve seen it (I’ve gotten a few “I think I remember that show…” which clearly means they do not), so that stat is a bit indeterminate at this point.
To illustrate how forgotten this show has become, this is literally a line from the “NewsRadio” Wikipedia page: “In the United States, the show occasionally airs as a filler on WGN America.” Seriously?! Fucking filler on WGN?! The problems that are facing our great nation are, well, great, but this may be the most important issue of our generation. How have we allowed this show and its’ greatness to be forgotten, shoved aside and buried as “filler on WGN?” When a great injustice is happening, someone has to (argh, I hate this fucking cliche…) speak truth to power (I guess I could’ve changed the wording but I think I just wanted to add how much I hate it when people say “speak truth to power” instead of using literally any other way of describing that idea) and get it out into the world so we can band together and right an egregious wrong. If I have to be that person, I’m willing to take on that responsibility and be the face of the “NewsRadio” movement. Just as Jimmy once ran for president (so he could meet woman), I too, will lead this charge (so I can become more popular and sell more records) for the American people. I guess for all people. Dave Foley is from Canada so there’s probably more fans of this show up there. Who knows… All I know is there are not enough people watching this show, and I, Bradley Wik, am taking a stand against “NewsRadio” remaining a lost gem with a small following. This show deserves a renaissance like “Friends” (though I still don’t know why “Friends” has made such a comeback. It wasn’t that good in the 90’s and it’s still not that good now…) and I’m willing to be the first to fight for that. Join me and make “NewsRadio” the new hipster-anti-hipster-or-millennial-or-whatever-“cool”-kids-are-these-days show so it can finally get its’ due.
Thank you. I endorse this message.
(dictated but not read)
Good times…
