Track #4 - what are we supposed to do now that we've wasted our youth?

OK folks, here is the final blog about this record. I promise I won’t keep talking about it. Well, I will but it won’t be the only thing I talk about. There’s a lot going on these days in ol’ Bradley Wik’s head, especially since there isn’t a lot going on anywhere else. Hell, this might not even be the only EP I record during these coronavirus times. Not announcing anything yet, but we’ll see. Not playing shows and not leaving the house is starting to wear on me. Like all of you, I’m starting to go stir crazy but if staying home is the worst this gets for me, I’ll feel pretty damn good about that. Besides, I found one of my new favorite TV shows (“What We Do in the Shadows”) and am finally catching up on another (“Killing Eve”). So, swings and roundabouts. Also, I made a delicious chicken and artichokes with cream sauce the other night, so yay for getting creative in the kitchen. Wait, what the hell am I talking about? Oh yeah, music. Read below, I’m tired…

“what are we supposed to do now that we’ve wasted our youth?”

we traded our bodies for stories

that we could tell our friends

every night might have been a journey

but we always knew just how it would end

what are we supposed to do now that we’ve wasted our youth?

there’s no need for goodbyes

we never really met

moments of truth flashed in your eyes

but we both knew better than to believe any words we said

what are we supposed to do now that we’ve wasted our youth?

there was no great reward

no revelations to find

so we poisoned our bodies

to forget the best years of our lives

what are we supposed to do now that we’ve wasted our youth?

Music Notes:

The longest song on this record still only has like ⅓ the amount of lyrics as a typical song of mine. This song is last on the album but was the first song written for the record. Some of the parts on this song were recorded two years ago. As this song is the final piece, it had to be grand enough to close the record but still be intimate and ruminative amongst the chaos. This noise (which can happen when you combine too much alcohol and Meniere’s disease. Meniere’s, which I have, is an inner ear disorder which can cause hearing loss, vertigo, tinnitus, nausea depending on the severity of the attack. This type of noise would come from a really bad one...), though it still contains various melodies, is a type of sound bed (if that makes sense) that I’ve long wanted to build upon. I weaved together up to 5 different melodies/harmonies at one point to create the foundation for this song. I also wanted to put myself and the simple, plaintive beauty of the song at odds with the noise. It’s why the vocal and guitar are recorded together through one mic. I did this for each song, to present myself alone, fighting against the music/chaos/noise coming from my own head and/or the outside world, which my Asperger’s wouldn’t allow me to be a part of. I’m always on the outside looking in. Recording that way makes it a little harder, but it was the only way I could get it to sound how I wanted it. I want you to feel like you are sitting across from me as I sing. You don't hear guitars and vocals separately in real life, you hear them all together. If you focus solely on the guitar/vocal in this song, at least for me, it’s almost like those old Magic Eye books where the chaos slowly disappears and the picture comes into focus. There’s beauty in the struggle. Sometimes, at least.

Anyways, a whole record like this song would be tough to swallow and would lessen the effect. A couple of the other tracks (and one of the tracks that did not make the cut for this record) had a similar sound/noise which I removed. It didn’t build the record the way the songs should, culminating with the beautiful chaos of this song. The record, as alcohol is referenced in the title, is supposed to simulate getting fucked up throughout. The first song has little accompaniment and sounds very clean and open. The second song has a bigger sound, let’s say this is after two drinks, and a driving energy. The sound is full and constant. Things are feeling good at this point. You needed a couple to really get things going. The third song, we’ll say after four or five drinks, is a bit more sparse. It still has a good rhythm but you’re starting to go down into the backside of the night. You alternate between getting quiet and yell-talking to people. The alcohol is starting to make that turn from fun to making you sad. You’re glad your friends are still out and you tell them how much they mean to you. The last song is the end of the night, however many drinks is way too many for you. It is meant to sound chaotic, ears buzzing from the alcohol and the noise (and the Meniere’s, if you’re like me), vision blurred after stumbling home. It’s quiet in your lonely apartment but it’s not quiet in your head. You’re at that sentimental, way-too-drunk part of the night and you wonder why you do this to yourself all the time. You don’t want to anymore but you know you still will. You have one more, why not at this point, and put on some music to fall asleep to. You know the words by heart but it sounds all distorted and angry. It doesn’t matter, the alcohol has taken over and your eyes get heavy. There’s a strange comfort in this moment, as the music softly fades while you slowly fade off to sleep.

Story Notes:

As I mentioned above, this song was the first one written for this record and contains all the themes I would explore throughout the other three songs. Thematically/lyrically, I wanted to build towards this one so I told smaller, vignette-like stories in some of the other songs. They all collide in these 4 minutes and 44 seconds (4 is my favorite number thanks to Brett Favre, but it actually is coincidental that this album ended with a song that was 4:44. I always close my eyes when I mark the fade outs and that’s just where it landed. That there are 4 songs on this record is also coincidental. I started with 6 and narrowed it down based on fit, function and story. The way I put together records is very intentional. Each song has to have a purpose, move the story forward and fit sonically into what I’m trying to achieve. I could talk about my reasons/theories behind putting albums together for hours but this is about this song and this parenthetical notation is already too long…). This song is meant to sort of reflect on the events of the prior three songs. Both the song and the title are the longest on the record. As in a lot of my songs, there is no conclusion to this song, it’s just an open ended, semi-rhetorical question. Life doesn’t often offer closure, and rarely offers guidance. And when I was going through the thick of what made its way into these songs, I wouldn’t have heeded any advice anyways. All I wanted was to be understood and not feel alone. I wanted to know I wasn’t alone in wasting so many of my “good” years. It’s a very specific brand of hopelessness that you feel when you're 24 years old. You’re ostensibly too young to feel hopeless and that makes it all the worse. It’s a weird cycle to get into and a very hard one to get out of, since you feel like shit all the time. “What’s the point? You’re a stupid piece of shit anyways…” is what you tell yourself every day. And, part of you feels like Rob in High Fidelity, “it’s brilliant, being depressed; you can behave as badly as you like.” Which is terrible advice as that just feeds back into the whole monster once again.

There’s also a lot of Asperger’s in this song. In addition to the hopelessness and apathy, there’s the distinct notion that this is all temporary and it’s best to save our emotions for another adventure. I remember having this feeling more than a couple times throughout my life. I can’t speak for the other person in the “relationship” but I would venture to guess they felt the same based on their actions. Having Asperger’s, I was never really the Tinder meet up-type. I felt more at home in comfort/routine of long term relationships so it was hard for me to pretend I cared much about these types of things. I sort of fell backwards into these sexual interactions being the (cliched) hard-partying-and-troubled-but-with-a-sensitive-side singer of a Rock N’ Roll band. Although, I seriously doubt many found my shenanigans charming once the hangover hit the next morning. Sometimes, it didn’t even take that long. I have a pretty clear memory (surprising for that time in my life) of sitting in a hot tub next to a girl who went on and on about how much she hated the awful guy who was the singer from the band they saw earlier, too drunk to realize that was me. I listened, got up, left, and thought it was funny at the time, not realizing how much of a dick I had become. I think some people are attracted to that don’t-give-a-fuck mentality (which was sometimes the Asperger’s and sometimes me just being an asshole) but, unfortunately for me, that just made me not care even more, even about myself. I don’t really regret any of it (I don’t feel like wasting energy on things I can’t change), but I definitely could have been kinder to myself, my liver and those around me during that time, that’s for sure.

You see, I’ve always sort of had that writer’s spirit and wanted to dive in headfirst to most things in life. I came to rethink that years later after realizing that was also a great way to drink away your depression for as long as possible before blowing your head off with a shotgun. There was nothing to be gained from diving into drinking, drugs and depression. But, I was young and thought it might be “cool.” I wanted the scars, and I got ‘em. Both literally and figuratively. Making this record has been kind of tough on me as I’ve had to revisit this older version of myself. I had to climb back into this fucked up brain. I had to picture myself going through these things all over again. Once the songs were done, I could use my Asperger’s to just tell myself it was another person, a different chapter, it’s not me anymore and all that, but while I was writing and recording, I had to live in that world. I had to be them once again.

While I was beginning to mix the record, I noticed an issue and was going to have to re-record one of the guitar/vocal parts (since, as I mentioned, they were recorded together). Redoing a synth part, no problem, just focus on the task at hand, hit the right notes and get it done. But, the vocals require performance. I have to feel everything (and sing/play guitar to a click track since the synths were programmed/played right, or very close to, on time, also not my favorite). Since mentally I thought I was done tracking, I almost had an anxiety attack and shut down for an entire day. I just did crossword puzzles and compulsively read about coronavirus. I didn’t want to do it. I felt sick to my stomach. I didn’t want to sing anymore. Obviously, I did it and it all turned out alright, but that’s what it was like making this record.

So, if what you’ve read about above has interested you and you’d like to purchase/donate to the cause, there are a few options:

1. Go to https://bradleywik.bandcamp.com/. You can stream the record for free or purchase (hint: you can also donate a little extra past the $4, if you like)

2. As I know these are trying times and people could use some entertainment, you can also download the record for FREE (CLICK HERE to access the google drive link with mp3’s of the record) with optional donation to: https://www.paypal.me/bradleywik

-30-

Track #3 - we are not alone

Happy Monday! Well, at least as happy as Monday’s can be these days. Never anyone’s favorite day before, they somehow found a way to be even shittier. So, I guess I take that back and will just say “Fucking Mondays...” But, here is a new post about the song “we are not alone” from my recently released 4 song EP entitled “music for depressed alcoholic autistic people.” If you’re new to the blog, I've been writing about each song off the new record (I also wrote about the record as a whole and why I made it, which you can READ HERE. Spoiler: it’s because I’m a depressed, sometimes alcoholic person who has Asperger’s… But, there is so much more to it, so read it. Also, I’m still not sure why it felt better to write it all lowercase but it did. I have talked to a couple other Asperger’s people and they also have an affinity for lowercase typing, while subsequently hand writing in all uppercase letters like an engineer. I don’t get it either but that’s the way it goes…) . This record has been the most rewarding, challenging, fun yet hardest to listen to project I’ve ever worked on. As I mentioned in the aforementioned blog about the entire record, it’s the only project I’ve made that I still listen to. Again, it’s only been finished for about three weeks, so we’ll see if that development continues, but usually I make it about a week. It’s also the only thing that I’ve done completely by myself, so it literally sounds (almost) exactly how I want it to. Normally, I like to do as little as possible with my records once they’ve been recorded. I’m super hands on when creating, arranging, etc. but once it’s on tape (literally on tape with “In My Youth, I’m Getting Old…”) I try to be as hands off as possible. I never wanted to make myself crazy obsessing over the smallest details until I break my hand punching a wall Tom Petty-style (true story, look it up). I try and let the people I’m paying do their thing and usually only offer one piece of advice, often to my dismay as my singing abilities are limited, especially when recording live takes, which is “turn the vocal up a bit.” Probably should have avoided that on the last album, but when final mix approval comes down to the singer, that’s what you’re gonna get…

Also, if you haven’t checked out one of the Facebook live shows (every Thursday at 8pm EST at: https://www.facebook.com/BradleyWikMusic/), you should. This week’s topic (all shows feature live performances plus a deep dive into a topic related to my music) is: how Asperger’s affects my songwriting and storytelling. Also, to do even more online shows, I have signed up for Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/bradleywikmusic/ or search @bradleywikmusic or however the fuck that works) as some venues are hosting online shows via Instagram live. I know, it’s fucking weird to see ol’ Bradley on the social medias but these are fucking weird times we live in and I hate not performing. So, even if it’s to my limited online audience, as the Facebook and Instagram are still new to me, I’d rather be on there playing than not. I’ll probably also be popping on to make some (not) funny jokes, some (actually good) music recommendations, amongst other things.

But, enough of that shit, let’s listen to and talk about some depressing ass music!

“we are not alone”

“wait” was the last word i heard you say

before i locked the door and walked away

i drank til i was numb

that’s when i felt the blood

“love” is just a broken word for both of us

and “hope” was just never quite enough

i drank til i was numb

that’s when i felt the blood

i can’t tell if i am real

this is the only thing i can feel

but i am not alone

you are not alone

we are not alone

we are not alone…

Music Notes:

This song, to me, always sounded like a depressed people’s anthem so I wanted the production to follow that line of thinking. I just loved the idea of a crowd full of people screaming “we are not alone” at full throat. Although, that line does always make me think of the movie “Airheads” with Adam Sandler, Steve Buscemi and Brendan Fraser. In the movie, their band name is “the Lone Rangers.” After they break into a radio station demanding they get some airplay, the DJ makes fun of them for pluralizing “the Lone Ranger.” They can’t be “lone” if there’s more than one. Maybe “we” can’t technically be alone but I know there are people out there who feel alone and don’t know that there are so many other people feeling the exact same things they are. We are together in our alone-ness, and even more so these days. I wanted this song to be one that people would play for and with each other, so I wanted to make this one a little more “fun” to listen to. Or, at least more “fun” than your typical song about depersonalization. I wanted it to have a sort of groove, which is why it has a very steady bass line and the “snare” on the 2’s and 4’s the entire song. When I play it live, I usually play it quicker and a little more manic, with the tempo and volume shifting as I feel that night. But here, it felt better to be a little more steady and something you could nod your head to. Or dance to, if you’re a little masochistic, like me.

Story Notes:

So, here’s the-grocery-store-was-closed-so-I-had-to-stab-my-arms-to-know-that-I-was-real-song. What? I know… Here’s a little more context.

I’ve read a few articles recently which finally connected some dots for me. Medication has always been a strange thing for me. It never seems to do the thing it’s supposed to do. Now, I know that is likely caused by my Asperger’s, which makes sense. My brain is not wired the same as most people’s, so it makes sense that chemicals would also affect me in different ways as well. When my Meniere’s Disease (an inner-ear disorder affecting hearing, balance, vision, etc.) was first starting to get bad, I was traveling and at a hotel about four hours from home. After a sleepless night, I finally made my way to an urgent care. They looked at me for about three minutes and determined (guessed, don’t even get me started on how much doctors have fucked me up over the years… Thank you for not getting me started…) it was bad congestion, possible ear infection. They prescribed Robitussin for the congestion and seasick patches to help with the dizziness and nausea. I put one of the patches on and within about twenty minutes the vertigo was beginning to subside. Not completely, but to the point where I could actually suck down some Gatorade and eat a few pieces of peanut butter bread. About an hour later I was starting to fall asleep. Awesome, I hadn’t slept for about 40 hours so this was good. I took out my contacts, laid down and grabbed my phone. BUT, I soon realized I had lost my near-sightedness. When my phone was within six inches of my face, I couldn’t read a thing; which was terrifying. You see, I’m near-sighted. I wear contacts because I usually can’t read anything that’s six inches or more from my face. I put my glasses on, no change. I ripped the patch off and about three or four hours later my vision returned. I checked the box, no mention of loss of vision as a side effect. They also stuck me on blood pressure pills to lower the blood flow to the ear so it wouldn’t trap fluid so the congestion could dissipate. These pills also caused some very strange side effects not listed on the packaging so I stopped taking all the medication. The problem turned out to be nerve related and some chiropractic work has mostly gotten rid of the issue. Since I have Asperger’s, I’ve learned I should take the doctor’s advice and then do the opposite. That usually works best. I wish that was a joke, but it’s not. I literally do the opposite of whatever they say and that is always what provides me the best relief. Fucking Asperger’s…

So, why am I telling you all this? What the hell does Meniere’s medication have to do with “we are not alone?”

Well, be patient, young padawan, and I’ll tell you. Early in my life, around age 14, I found out that pain medication didn’t affect me in the right way. I didn’t know why yet, but I was well aware it wasn’t quite right. When I went to get my wisdom teeth removed, it took a small horse’s amount of gas to knock me out (I kept rambling about baseball, they tell me). Afterwards, they gave me some vicodin or something similar for the pain. I’d wake up in pain, take a couple pills, then feel sick to my stomach, and still be in the same amount of pain as before. But slowly over the next thirty minutes, I’d realize that even though I still felt the pain acutely, I didn’t care as much. It started to feel like it wasn’t my pain anymore. I didn’t like it so I stopped taking the pills.

Years later, I found out it was true that taking those vicodins (and many other prescription-grade pain pills) with alcohol increased that effect greatly. Take a couple pills with a bottle of wine, and voila, all my physical and mental pain was no longer mine. I was free, unburdened. The problem, of course, is two pills and a bottle of wine turns into two bottles of wine and four or five pills. Which turns into three and six or eight. Suddenly, not only am I not “feeling” my pain and misery, I’m not feeling anything. Some nights, I would sit alone in my apartment and try and figure out whether or not I was actually still real. This is when the depersonalization would kick in. At first, it felt as though my brain was watching my physical body on those lonely nights. My thoughts, feelings, and other cognitive skills were retreating from the physical world but I was still aware of my actual presence. As it progressed, I felt my body slowly disappear as well and suddenly I wasn’t alone in my apartment at all. I wasn’t anything. I was only my thoughts. I felt as if I could go anywhere and do anything. My thoughts alone could take me into other people’s thoughts, where they were usually saying terrible things about me. I heard people say they wish I would give up pretending I could play music, my life was a such fucking waste, that I’m a stupid piece of shit who’s ruining their lives, that I should just hurry up and die already.

Obviously, I doubt I could travel into and through people’s inner thoughts. Likely, those were just my inner voices telling me those things. But, when this would start up, I’d realize I could just go confirm my existence and then I’d start to calm down. I usually did this by going to the grocery store that was a block away from my apartment. I’d go buy a loaf of bread, a bottle of wine and some cheese (I am from Wisconsin, after all…), someone would acknowledge me at the store, ask me if I needed help (I was usually pretty fucked up at this point so I probably looked like I did, in more ways than one) and then I’d head home assured to live another day as a normal, regular old human.

But, one night, and I don’t remember why, I started my night-before-a-day-off drinking routine (which was much more involved than the normal work night routine) a little later. So, by the time I hit that point in the night, the grocery store was already closed. Panicked, I walked to the bodega down the street. Also closed. Not much is open at 2am on a Sunday night (I guess, Monday morning). I returned home, having seen no one on the street. Back at the apartment, I tried to pinch myself. You pinch yourself and you wake up, right? Well, not after wine and pain pills. I punched myself. Better, but not quite enough to jolt me out of this state. So, I resorted to stronger measures…

Someone I used to know would get tattoos to cover up the scars. Mine aren’t nearly as bad, most of the time you can’t really see them; it was just a pocket knife, after all. I actually have another one right next to them which looks similar that I got when I worked at the paint store. I was pulling out some five gallon buckets from under a shelf, didn’t realize the screw holding the shelf together was sticking out the bottom end which ripped a good one into my arm. I thought about covering them up but, most of the time, I’m glad they’re there. Sometimes, I need the reminder.

Another sidenote: I actually smashed the phone I had during this time. I didn’t do it on purpose (well, I did but not to destroy it. I was just mad about something unrelated), but I know that subconsciously I didn’t want any more reminders. Sure, there are nights I’d be interested to go back through the photos and see what life looked like back then. But, I know that would be stupid. It’s over for a reason and I’m glad it is. The memories are more than enough… These songs are more than enough…

So, if what you’ve read about above has interested you and you’d like to purchase/donate to the cause, there are a few options:

1. Go to https://bradleywik.bandcamp.com/. You can stream for free or purchase (hint: you can also donate a little extra past the $4, if you like)

2. As I know these are trying times and people could use some entertainment, you can also download the record for FREE (CLICK HERE to access the google drive link with mp3’s of the record) with optional donation to: https://www.paypal.me/bradleywik

Thanks for reading and listening. I’ll be back soon with more info on track #4 - “what are we supposed to do now that we’ve wasted our youth?”

-30-

Track #2 - the promise (please don't die tonight)

As a reminder, every Thursday (for the foreseeable, quarantined future) at 8pm EST, I will be going LIVE on Facebook to play music, talk, and deep dive into various topics like how/why I write songs (up on replay now), how Asperger’s affects my songwriting and storytelling (next week, on 4/23), how to write a Rock N’ Roll song like Bradley Wik, and more. Go follow the Facebook page, or however that works, at: https://www.facebook.com/BradleyWikMusic/

I’ll also be doing some music recommendations and other short videos on there. So, if you’d like that, be sure to follow along. There also may be a video series about songwriting in the not too distant future… Stay tuned.

But, today, I would like to introduce track #2 - the promise (please don’t die tonight). Below is a short synopsis (trust me, I could write way more if you’d like but I think the below covers it pretty well), of that song. I wrote about the recording/production and about why it’s on this album. The story behind it, if you were. I know, I’ve said a few times I’m not really interested in back story but I thought some context might be helpful. Again, I don’t want people to think I’m writing depressing, fucked up stories to sound “cool” but to expose how stupid and asshole-y I was back in the day (I’ve gotten way better, though not totally “better.” Sort of like that episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm with Larry and the acupuncturist. Better, but not “better.”). It’s one of the things I really wanted to do with this record, make sure that I don’t try to abdicate responsibility for my actions. Depression, drugs, alcohol, etc. don’t exempt you from blame and I try to allow myself to be the villain of my own piece with these songs. “I started killing myself…,” “I drank til I was numb…,” “WE were too fucked up to care…,” “What are WE gonna do now that WE’VE wasted OUR youth?,” “WE poisoned OUR bodies…,” etc. It’s either my fault or at worst there was someone joining me. I never wanted to blame anyone for my stupid actions. At best, I was aided and abetted but no one forced me to do stupid, shitty things; I chose to. My hope is that after hearing these tunes, people might choose not to do shitty things to each other…

Also, just random note: this song is the exact same length as “i started killing myself years ago…” Not sure how that happens, but it did. I initially thought I had mislabeled the file since it was exactly the same size so I panicked after I uploaded it to BANDCAMP. But, just another weird thing that happened with this album.

Anyways, enough of my blathering. On to the song!

“the promise (please don’t die tonight)”

“i might love you” she said, with tears in her eyes

“so, promise me that you won’t die tonight”

Music Notes:

This song is so basic in both structure and story that I really wanted to keep it that way so nothing would overpower the simple yet powerful message. Everything in this song is super repetitive (that’s the Asperger’s in me) and I love it. I wanted to make it sort of trance-y to really let you live in the world for a bit. It’s a very full, rich sounding song. There’s very few gaps in the frequencies on the instrumentation so that the song will fully envelope your senses. I always try to break my songs down into highs, mids and lows and see what’s filling out those spaces. Normally, that was lead guitar in the highs, snare/toms and rhythm guitars in the mids, kick drum and bass in the lows. It’s so different for this type of music and it was fun to play around with a totally different sound palette. Adding in highs, like the harmonica, make the song feel like it’s opening up into something grander. Taking away bass makes it feel less intense. Removing some mid frequency parts make it feel more naked and like it’s missing something if you’d like to build anticipation. There’s so much more I can do in this realm, which was very overwhelming at first but eventually helped me get to where I wanted to be with these songs.

I tried to make this song fairly driving in the rhythms and production to simulate how it would sound to hear these words while being under the influence. You know, that sort of tunnel-vision, fuzzy-sounding thing that happens after a few too many where sounds sort of overwhelm your senses. And there was probably more to the story and more words that were spoken but the only ones to cut through the din were those two, simple lines. The rest drowned out in your drunkenness, exemplifying the immediacy of those words.

I actually considered making this song just the one verse which was like a minute and a half long and just leaving it at that, but that didn’t feel as impactful somehow. Made it feel more like a vignette than a story. It felt unfinished, which sort of makes sense given the context, but I wasn’t sold. It’s almost as if I was too drunk to understand the words the first time so I needed them repeated so I’d remember them. So, you get second verse same as the first. 

Story Notes:

So, after the first song (“i started killing myself years ago…”), this felt like the most logical continuation of the story. The songs weren’t written too far apart, maybe a week or so, and the same characters and thoughts were likely occupying my mind. In the first song, the characters were “too fucked up to care,” but here is the introduction of the female character which would reappear in “what are we supposed to do now that we’ve wasted our youth?” She did care (at least a little), though I still did not. And, by not caring about myself, it meant I didn’t care about her since she was invested enough in me to at least care whether I lived or died. Wow, what a great couple. That’s true romance...

But, these are words I’ve heard before, in various forms, over the years. I feel like such an asshole that someone had to say these words to me. Back then, I thought “why do you care? I don’t even care…” But now I realize how selfish that was. I made them care because I couldn’t muster up the courage to care at least a little bit about myself. I had grown used to others doing that for me. I’m sure part of it was the extra attention. I’ve always loved attention, whether I was playing sports, trying to get the best scores/grades in school and now in performing my music. Luckily, however, I’ve never become dependent on the attention. I love it, but it’s one of the few addictions I’ve never had...

I thought a lot about those words a couple years later when I started writing this record. As I mentioned, this song was written second for the record (would’ve been cool to write them all in order… But, not sure if you noticed the tracks are in alphabetical order on the record, which was actually just a happy accident. I didn’t plan it that way, it just felt the best in this order.) and I wanted to go back in time (Back to the Future Huey Lewis style) to before when “what are we supposed to do now that we’ve wasted our youth?” took place. Did these people have any sort of real connection? Did they truly not care at all like in “i started killing myself years ago…?” Was there a time they weren’t just wasting away their days/months/years together?

And, the answer is: kind of, but not really. Key word in the song (all two lines of it) is “might.” “‘i might love you’ she said, with tears in her eyes.” Turns out she probably didn’t actually care that much. And I probably would have said the same thing had the roles been reversed. Maybe I had at some point and just forgotten, whether by drink, drug or just the passage of time. So, I guess we both cared, at least a little, but, likely, only a little.

Which brings me to another tenet of my songwriting: I try to never write how I “feel” and never try to speculate on how someone else might “feel.” I try to just tell the story. I can’t even pretend to understand how I actually feel most of the time (thank you, Asperger’s) so I wouldn’t try to pretend what someone else is feeling. So, I try to stick to the facts and let other people fill in the blanks. If there are feelings or emotions involved in a song they’re always ones that were explicitly told to me. One of the (Asperger’s?) triggers I have is being blamed for something I didn’t do or told that I meant or felt something I did not (just ask my wife, Brianne...). So, I would hate to characterize someone or assume they were thinking/feeling/etc. something they were not. It would drive me crazy and I try to respect that in others.

After I wrote those two lines, I struggled with what else to go with it. The lines were so powerful and painted such a story that everything I tried to add paled in comparison and didn’t really add much, if anything, to the story. But, surely the song couldn’t be just two lines? This is Bradley Wik we’re talking about. Writer of epics like “Just Like Jon Fickes.” The same man whose words are more important than singing the same vocal melody for each line, who sings over all his bridges to get more story in, and whose favorite songwriting trick (crutch?) for fitting in more lyrics is the double verse/double chorus. Eventually though, I gave up trying and just left the song as is. It said everything I wanted it to. Those simple words were all I needed and all this song did too.

But, again, like I’ve mentioned before, I didn’t sit down thinking all that and then poop out a song. All that was milling around in my subconscious until it came out on paper. It feels like magic when it happens, but that probably also shows you how out of touch with my thoughts/emotions/etc. I am due to the Asperger’s. No, this is me trying to reverse engineer all these tunes and hopefully put them in context on the record.

So, if what you’ve read about above has interested you and you’d like to purchase/donate to the cause, there are a few options:

1. Go to https://bradleywik.bandcamp.com/. You can stream for free or purchase (hint: you can also donate a little extra past the $4, if you like)

2. As I know these are trying times and people could use some entertainment, you can also download the record for FREE (CLICK HERE to access the google drive link with mp3’s of the record) with optional donation to: https://www.paypal.me/bradleywik

Thanks for reading and listening. I’ll be back soon with more info on track #3 - “we are not alone”

-30-

It's here! It's finally here!! aka... "Lookin' at Luckey," the video...

As promised, here it is fuckers:

This brings back wonderful memories of:

- How perfectly Sonora embodied "Luckey" for those three days of shooting.  I felt as if I was back with the real "Luckey" the whole time

- Brianne and Sara shining lights past the Thunderbird while Nate rocked it up and down, over and over and over...

- Sonora sitting perfectly still, take after take, for those shots in the living room of me rocking out

- Sara hitting her (not plugged in) keyboard so hard it made her fingers hurt trying to get noise out of it

- Sharing those wonderful bottles of water-wine on the roof

- The lady in the park who repeatedly demonstrated how many times Bill Withers says "I know" in "Ain't No Sunshine"

- Those Fucking Jibs

- The wonderfully weird boat parade on the Willamette River that night

- How much Kelly's Olympian didn't give a fuck

- How smoking way too many cigarettes in a row feels

- How many times someone commented on how I look like Ryan Adams

- How I loved it every time someone commented on how I look like Ryan Adams (one of my favorite artists ever)

- Getting to sit in an actual Thunderbird and how unworthy I was

- Thinking of how many fucking talented people were in that apartment that night

I could never thank Kevin Pietila enough for taking my Asperger's, non-visual memories of Luckey and somehow creating this.  It is beyond my comprehension how talented he is.

I am so grateful to all the talented people involved:  Kevin Pietila, Sara Morris, Brianne Kathleen, Jon Fickes, Sonora Mindwerl, Nate Ernst, Colby and, of course, me (just kidding, kind of).  They say it takes a village, but we did it with less people, more hard work and more skill.  But most of all, we did it...

Fucking Finally! "Lookin' at Luckey" music video this week!!!

EDITORS NOTE:  I apologize for the false start. We ran into an issue with the promotion/premiere/timeline and the video was not released on Friday as expected.  It will, come hell or high water, be released this week as I'm exhausted and it needs to see the light of day.  Goddamn, we need some good luck on this album soon as it's been snakebitten since the beginning...  It's coming though, I assure you.  Things are looking up.  They have to.  There's no other way to go...

Finally, after months of teasing you fuckers, the official video for "Lookin' at Luckey" is about to be real!  I know you've been waiting for it, as have I, but it's better than you think.  For serious.  Fucking hell.  If you haven't already, subscribe to Bradley Wik's YouTube Channel at www.youtube.com/bradleywik.  That's where the video will be in addition to this very website, bradleywik.com.  So many amazing people worked on this thing, it would be a shame to not watch and enjoy the fuck out of this video.  For those who still are on the fence, here's a still from the upcoming video:

Bradley and "Luckey"/Sonora

So, again, "Lookin' at Luckey" the official music video will be out this Friday, 8/31.  Stay tuned for more updates...

Aaron will be OK, won't he? Won't he? aka please, let him be OK...

He can't really be hurt, can he??  Depression and loss and Aaron Rodgers collarbone...

I'm not sure what the proper word is for, as our friends in NorCal would say, "Hella Devastated."  Thoughts and Prayers, of course, to all the victims of the wild fires.  Far more devastating than the Packers season but Aaron's broken collarbone is also causing a large amount of grief back in the great state of Wisconsin.  It's not as important but nevertheless...  It's been such a fucked up year with all the injuries.  In my 24 years of watching football, I can't remember (the drugs and booze probably don't help) a team this ravaged by injuries, at the same positions nonetheless, as the 2017 Packers.  I know, I know, Vikings fans mention they've lost their starting quarterback and running back as well, BUT we all know losing Sam Bradford is not the same as losing Aaron Rodgers.  Only the Patriots losing Tom Brady can compare.  But he's gone.  There's nothing we can do now except trust the process, get better every day, overcome adversity, yada, yada, yada.  I watched Brett Hundley's post game presser and I feel OK about our prospects.  It would be mental to torture myself and expect the worst (as I do with most of the things in my life), and he does seem like a very smart, confident, talented kid ready to make the most of his opportunity.  I think we will be OK.  I really do.  It may sound insane but I feel we'll be in good hands and ready to compete for the NFC North.  I'm not ready to give up, especially to the Vikings.  Fuck that.  We're coming for you.  When the 2013 season ended with Rodgers and Cobb coming back to re-enact the ending of "The Natural," I decided no season was ever really over.

Anyways, as I sit in the Marriott Springhill Suites in Bend, OR (a very nice hotel, I might add), I can't help but feel hopeful.  I want to thank all those who tuned in to my Periscope Live "Friday Night is for the Drinkers" Concert Series on Friday the 13th.  The theme was "Girls," as in the 2nd of my 4 part series about the things I write songs about:  Cars, Girls, Drinking and Rock N' Roll.  It ran longer than I anticipated but the topic of "girls" is so broad and covered 2 of my favorite songs ("Lookin' at Luckey" and "Just Like Jon Fickes") plus a live favorite that never made a record ("Johnny and Mary part II" sorry, no link as it's not released) that I couldn't cut down the stories and emotion of playing those tunes.  Also, I know, I know; Wild Turkey Bourbon?  Well, when you're traveling you can't buy the top shelf stuff as you need to buy smaller containers of alcohol, hence, the Wild Turkey; which I am finishing off tonight.  No, it does not have anything to do with those fucking god awful Matthew McConaughey commercials.  I just like decent, high-proof bourbon and my local liquor store doesn't have Knob Creek in pints.  Anyways, it was a fun show and I know I talked more than usual, but fuck you, that's my prerogative, and I'm the only one in the room for the shows, so I get to DO IT MY WAY.  Next PERISCOPE LIVE "FRIDAY NIGHT IS FOR THE DRINKERS" LIVE SHOW IS:  FRIDAY, OCTOBER 27TH AT 9PM EST/6PM PST.  Search "Bradley Wik" (@bradleywik) on the Periscope app or follow on your PC by clicking HERE.

As I've mentioned before, putting out this record has been one disaster after another.  Now, that I'm playing shows to promote this fucker, it's no different.  I was concussed for the month before and at least 2 weeks after my official album release.  Couldn't practice, couldn't play for that time.  Then, of course, I injured my left index finger (main guitar playing finger) playing pick up basketball with some younger kids (note:  don't play pickup basketball with younger kids.  They're much more spry and athletic).  I haven't been able to make a barre chord ever since.  Then, last Tuesday, I went to sleep OK and woke up not being able to move my wrist, which, it turns out, is important to playing guitar.  Bad dream, weird sleeping position, who knows, but it still fucking hurts.  My last Periscope show was excruciating and would have been worse without the Wild Turkey 101.  I still can hardly drive, open a bottle, take a shower, etc. without terrible pain in my wrist and finger.  It sucks not being 21 anymore and able to bounce back from any injury in 24 hours and having to deal with this shit.  But, I've no choice.  Hopefully, all this bad luck (the countless fucking disasters and horrible things during the recording process, mixing and mastering process) will yield an amazing reverse karma deal and will end up with me becoming famous, well, more famous than I am.  Hope-fucking-ly...  Speaking of Hope, nope, that's another blog.  Long story...

Still, I feel blessed to even be able to record and release my music.  Some fucking kid from Horicon, WI is getting radio play in Milwaukee, Denver, Anchorage, Vancouver, BC, San Antonio, Las Cruces, Boise, Murfreesboro, Piscataway, etc.  It's unbelievable.  If you like the record, don't forget to buy it on iTunes or get an actual CD or VINYL on CDBABY.  And buy one for a friend, or a fucking enemy, I don't give a shit.  Just support independent artists so we/I can keep making wonderful, amazing, fucking mind-bending, soul-fulfilling music.

By the way, if you're ever in Lebanon, OR, you should stay at the Boulder Falls Inn.  It's fucking awesome.  Great bar and even better bartenders (skip the restaurant and grab food on the second floor bar).  It has a Japanese Garden, which I love, the rooms are big and comfortable, the toilet capable of handling a big shit, it's brilliant.  Although, the Japanese Garden in Portland, OR refused to hire me because I didn't have non-profit experience, though the job was for a management of personnel position, which I had done for 3-4 years.  Fucking assholes.  They're so much better because their company doesn't make money for shareholders, though they make money just the same as I.  Oh, wait, they're the same.  Dickholes.

Fuck it.  It's still a shame that THIS VIDEO only has 19 million views.  Should be 1 Billion.  Or, at least, more than however many Justin Bieber has.  At least Shakira get her due, just watch THIS VIDEO.  Not sure how that is related, outside of the fact that I really like her, and she's ungodly beautiful.  I read in an article how one of her favorite bands was AC/DC, which immediately made me cum.  Just imagine this beauty rocking out to (my favorite AC/DC song) "Big Balls."  In love, hard.  So hard...

Wait, what was I talking about?  Not sure and don't care.  I'm just going to watch Shakira videos for the rest of the night.  Bye y'all...

Wait, if you're in the Salem, Keizer, Albany, Lebanon, Oregon area, I'll be playing a show at Conversion Brewing Saturday November 18th from 8-10pm.  If you're not, then check out my next PERISCOPE LIVE "FRIDAY NIGHT IS FOR THE DRINKERS" LIVE SHOW on:  FRIDAY, OCTOBER 27TH AT 9PM EST/6PM PST.  Search "Bradley Wik" (@bradleywik) on the Periscope app or follow on your PC by clicking HERE.

Peace Bitches!

ALBUM RELEASE AND PERISCOPE LIVE SHOW

First off, I would like to thank everyone who joined in and watched my first ever PERISCOPE LIVE CONCERT!  I appreciate all the kind words, hearts, funny comments and especially the interaction between those who tuned in live.  It was amazing to see @jakebecker make fun of my disheveled (and, I think, sexy) looks, all the people saying "clap, clap" and tapping hearts at the end of songs to make me feel less like a guy with a guitar alone in a room playing music to my phone and a mic, and, of course, @mattysauza with my favorite comment of the night:  "Tommy Stinson loves you."

I realize that I'm still learning how to do this and make it as fun as possible for everyone.  I missed a lot of comments during the show, caught myself watching myself on camera and trying to read what people were saying and missing a chord (which not being able to play guitar for the month and a half before because of a car accident didn't help either, but still) and am getting used to playing and talking to myself; which I do all the time, but that's usually only after a pint or so of bourbon, a couple episodes of BoJack Horseman and an hour or so spent wondering how I'm not as famous as I think I am...  Or, what I call "Friday Night."

Which leads me to my next point:

I am calling these Periscope Live shows the "Friday Night is for the Drinkers Concert Series."

Those in the know will get that reference, but for those who don't, stop whatever you're doing IMMEDIATELY and CHECK THIS SHIT OUT!  The plan is that I will do these Periscope Live concerts every other week, with new songs and stories, and various amounts of drinking before, during and after the show, themed to what I am drinking that night (mostly different types of bourbons, but also some scotch, wine and beers as well).  I will be broadcasting from different locations, bringing on some of my talented friends to play/talk about their music, opening up about my personal life, some of the crazy shit I've done while traveling around the country playing music, my struggles with depression, my struggles with Asperger's, and anything else I think of and want to discuss with friends, family and complete strangers via the internet.  Hell, there may or may not be giveaways to live viewers.  You'll have to tune in and see...  Future plans include an accompanying "Friday Night is for the Drinkers" podcast that offers deep dives into and expands on some of the songs/stories, goes back over the previous concert with a look ahead to the next one, and more of the one thing everyone loves:  Bradley Wik.

Sidenote:  I love people who love my music (I'm easy) and want to congratulate @mattysauza on being the first to request a song!  I was only playing songs from the new record for the album release so I wasn't able to fulfill it, but @mattysauza rest assured there's a song coming for you on the next one...  Now, it's not TRL but I will pick at least one request (of my songs) per show (maybe more depending on how generous/drunk I feel) to play.

Thanks again and I'll see you all soon!  Well, I guess you'll all see me and I'll occasionally see things that you say about me.  More comments, more interaction, more hearts, more making fun of me and each other, I love it all!

Remember follow @bradleywik on the Periscope app to stay up to date or CLICK HERE to sign up and watch these shows on your computer.

What others are saying about BWC... (Also, many thanks for all the support!)

"Bradley Wik's "Some Girls (Still Love Rock'n'Roll)" is a really excellent example of what I have controversially (apparently) called the Tragic Woman. As the song unfolds, Wik's deep empathy and understand for the character is evidently clear. The subject isn't a source of objectification or moralizing. Whether or not this woman is real, in the song she is a complex and fully realized human. Straight cis male singer-songwriters of the world, take note: this is how you write a song about a woman."  - Rachel Cholst | Adobe and Teardrops (see full post HERE or click the image below)

"Today, Bradley Wik & The Charlatans are proud to release their first single, “Some Girls (Still Love Rock N Roll).” For those thirsting for a fresh rock n roll sound, Bradley Wik is the answer. Raw and unpretentious, the sound harkens back to the likes of Bruce Springsteen, Tom Petty, and the Replacements. No gimmicks, no frills. Just pure passion."  - Skope Magazine (see full post HERE or click the image below)

Also, I'd like to thank AMERICANA DAILY (click HERE) and our international friends at Leo Swiss Radio (click HERE) Velvety (click HERE) for supporting and promoting BWC!  Thank you all so much and I can't wait to release this album!!  September 15th is coming quick!  Big announcement early next week regarding how all y'all can catch moi, Bradley Wik, and see/hear moi (me?) perform live...  I'll be closer than you think...

Single Release/Feature - "Let's Go Out Tonight" - DOUBLE EDITION!!

"A Midwest boy searching for the music that once was and that could be once again, Bradley Wik is an outspoken realist and earnest romantic who sings of everyday men and women stumbling through life together."  - The Daily Country

"An unpretentious  heartland roots rocker that would make Mellencamp or Westerberg proud, "Let's Go Out Tonight," with its undeniably infectious melody and sweet harmonies, tells the real, relatable story of two people simply trying to figure things out."  - Tara Joan | No Depression

Click below for the full articles and to hear this exciting new track:

C'mon, I know you like to click...

I knew you did...

Click me, rough...

Yeah, like that...

Amazing to have this song debuted on two sites!  So many thanks to The Daily Country and No Depression for supporting BWC!  Remember, early next week I'll be announcing SOMETHING AWESOME surrounding how you can see and hear moi, Mr. Bradley Wik himself, LIVE and how I'll be closer to you than you may think...

Single Release/Feature of "Lookin' at Luckey"

"We’ve got an in your face feel-good rock song by Bradley Wik & The Charlatans today that’ll make you yearn for classic guitar-rock songs to make a roaring comeback. If what we can expect from Wik are songs like “Lookin’ At Luckey” – he might bring the revival all by himself.  - Jake Craney, Groundsounds | July 14th, 2017

Check it out here:

Click it, click it good...

Yeah, didn't that feel good?

There's a good quote in there from me about "Lookin' at Luckey" that you can't find anywhere else.  It's one of the few times my quote has been printed in its entirety, which is awesome!  Normally, they take my (way too long) quote and pick a line or two, but click above for my thoughts on "Luckey" in full.  Thanks again Jake|Groundsounds!

Keep an eye out for an exciting announcement in the next week or so!!

Single Release/Feature of "Some Girls (Still Love Rock N' Roll)" on Enter the Venture

"Wik’s songs are snapshots in life, from nights filled with dancing, drinking and laughter to dark nights of defeat." - Isiah Reyes, Enter the Venture | June 21, 2017

Check it out here:

Click Me...

We both know you want to...

As always, keep a good head and always carry a lightbulb...  Or, share this with your friends, both in real life (using your mouth and words) and online (using your mouse and keyboard, or however the internet works).  Either way is good with us...

Song Premiere "Some Girls (Still Love Rock N' Roll)", by Bradley Wik, on OPB Music

Bradley Wik and the Charlatans released their very first single, "Some Girls (Still Love Rock N' Roll)" and they are the featured song of the week by OPB Music.

“The song’s an unpretentious throwback, with lyrics about the pitfalls of playing the part of a rock ‘n’ roll singer.”

— David Christensen opbmusic | June 19, 2017

Click to read

you know you want to.

Want to know what "Some Girls" is all about?

Get the first listen and song premiere details here: 

http://www.opb.org/opbmusic/article/some-premiere-bradley-wik-some-girls-still-love-rock-n-roll/

we invite you to share this with your social media friends

and thank you for your awesome support.