AC/DC, Whiskey, Songs I play after a few and 5 favorite movies from the past 5 years... aka... All sorts of lists

Someone in my apartment building is watching Star Wars on full volume with the windows open so if I seem distracted, I am. Though I can barely hear anything but the music, I’m trying to decipher which movie it is. I’ve ruled out the spinoffs, so no Rogue One or that dreadful, god-awful Solo movie; which I went into thinking “just don’t show me his childhood, the Kessel Run or the card game where he wins the Millennium Falcon.” Fuck, they ruined all his mythology… I’m guessing it’s not one of the prequels because… who the fuck watches those on full volume. You’d have to be shameless. I think I just heard Jabba the Hut pretty early on, so maybe Return of the Jedi? Shit… See, I’m already way off topic. I hate having ADHD (a byproduct of my Asperger’s).

So, last week I listed my favorite music videos and British TV shows. I know, random, right? Well, that’s how Asperger’s brains work. This week I have a few more random lists for you. Lists again? Yeah. Either that or rants about everything that’s wrong in the world today. What’s that? You want the lists, you say. Well, what might we have this week?

Top 5 favorite AC/DC songs

5) Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap

4) Big Balls

3) Highway to Hell

2) T.NT.

1) Rock ‘n’ Roll Singer

Honorable mention: The Jack

I once wanted to be buried with a Gibson SG guitar (the type Angus played) with a headstone reading “It’s a long way to the top if you want to Rock ‘n’ Roll.” That’s how much I once loved AC/DC. I only love them slightly less now but would probably want to be buried with something sentimental like a letter from my wife and with some pretentious poetry quote like “Of life immense in passion, pulse, and power” on the gravestone. And yes, you will notice that my list only contains songs from the Bon Scott era. Well, as good as some of those Brian Johnson tunes were, his voice just doesn’t work for me. Had Bon not died while they were recording Back in Black, that likely would’ve placed 2 or 3 tunes on this list. Not sure anything could ever displace Rock ‘n’ Roll Singer or Big Balls as Rock ‘n’ Roll Singer is the official anthem of Bradley Wik and Big Balls, just come on. The fact that Bon Scott can pull off those 13 year old boy type lyrics with that much swagger, game fucking over. And who hasn’t pounded the bar and yelled those Oi’s at the top of their lungs during T.N.T.? Or wanted someone to take care of their Dirty Deeds, for a nominal fee, of course. Highway to Hell is just a perfect AC/DC song. Enough said.

As for the honorable mentions, The Jack was the 2nd song I ever learned how to play (Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door was the first). I probably listened to that song as much or more than any of the others as I tried to learn how to play blues guitar solos. I was actually pretty good for a bit and was invited to open jams when I was 16-17 where I would sit in with a bunch of 50 year old dudes and play some blues in exchange for beers they would sneak me during breaks. But, that was a long time ago and I wish I could still do that. Someday I’ll fire up The Jack and just riff for hours on end to resharpen these old, rusty fingers…

NEXT!

Top 5 songs I play when I break out the guitar after having a few (or a few too many)

5) I am a Cinematographer - Palace Brothers (aka Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billy, aka Will Oldham)

4) Mellow My Mind - Neil Young

3) I am Scientist - Guided by Voices

2) Glenn Tipton - Sun Kil Moon

1) Say Yes - Elliott Smith

Almost every time I’m just playing in my bedroom for fun (and drinking), Say Yes and Glenn Tipton get busted out. Glenn Tipton is usually played second last and Say Yes is the final song of the evening. There’s something about the simplicity and beauty of those two songs that just feel like the right way to close out an evening. I’ve been playing them for years as final two and can’t imagine a song replacing one or both anytime soon. Via Chicago by Wilco came close for a couple years but eventually they won back out.

I am a Scientist has some of my favorite lyrics that hit home whenever I hear them. Lines like:

I am a scientist I seek to understand me

all of my impurities and secrets yet unknown…

and

I am a lost soul I shoot myself with Rock ‘n’ Roll

the hole I dig is bottomless but nothing else can set me free…

Oof. For most musicians, those probably hit a little too close to home. I always love how music can articulate your feelings to you better than you can for yourself. It’s magic.

I am a Cinematographer is a song that shouldn’t make you feel the way it does, but it does. It’s an acoustic gem from Will Oldham that features lines like:

I am a cinematographer

I walked away from New York City

I walked away from everything that’s good

I walked away from everything I leaned on

only to find it’s made of wood

Umm. That means something I guess but it certainly makes sense when you hear the song.

As for Mellow My Mind, I just love that tune. It’s from my favorite Neil Young record Tonight’s the Night. It’s just a wee bit too high for me to sing (same for Neil but he can pull it off with his Neil Young-ness) so I typically only try to sing it once I’ve had a few. Though he does drop this amazing line in the second verse:

Something so hard to find

a situation that can casualize your mind

Who hasn’t felt that before? Turns out a lot of the songs I love are about trying to find something, often peace of mind. Doesn’t come easily to me for sure. The Asperger’s and the ADHD certainly don’t help but being artist only further exacerbates those feelings. Oh well, on to the next list!

Top 5 favorite whiskeys

5) Booker’s Bourbon

4) Elijah Craig Bourbon

3) Knob Creek Bourbon

2) Glenmorangie Original 10 yr Scotch

1) Blanton’s Bourbon

Figured since I have podcast about drinking coming out soon, I’d do a list about drinking. I swear it will come out one day, but time doesn’t grow on trees and when I’m not playing shows I have to work so much harder to make up the money. Good thing the state of North Carolina is so generous with its fucking $120 a week in unemployment. Oh wait…

I thought I made this list once before but couldn’t find it. If I have and you know what my top 5 was then, post it in the comments as I’d be curious to see if it’s changed.

So, this was actually much tougher than I thought it would be. Hold on, like 25 cop cars and ambulances just went screaming past my apartment building…

OK, so apparently that was a parade… Umm, what kind of parade makes you think your town is under attack like it’s fucking Red Dawn or something? Well, back to the whiskey. I really struggled narrowing it down to 5 because it felt like there are a lot in the top 15 range that are all pretty close in my book. Blanton’s and Glenmorangie are kind of in their own league, far above the rest. Blanton’s just has everything I ever want in a bourbon and then feels like they just doubled all the awesomeness because they can. It’s deep, it’s rich and it’s so flavorful (and alcoholful, yep, just made that a word) that it’ll knock you on your ass; sometimes literally. Glenmorangie is the opposite. It’s so smooth and light but packs just as much flavor. It’s not a peaty scotch but just that beautiful sipping scotch that really opens up if you take a sip of water after each drink of it.

#3-5 were tough. I have about a dozen that could’ve made this list depending on the day but these are the ones I chose. Knob Creek feels pretty locked into the third spot and I don’t think I’m ever without a bottle of Elijah in the bar. #5 went to what I was feeling at the moment but could easily be Basil Hayden, Buffalo Trace, Woodford Reserve, etc. You get the idea.

Top 5 movies from the past 5 years

5) Mother!

4) Skyscraper

3) The Fate of the Furious

2) Get Out

1) Jojo Rabbit

Jojo Rabbit might be the best movie I’ve seen since The Artist. I know people hate on The Artist but I still think it’s a fantastic movie. I love movies about the people behind the art and their struggle; which is still what I think Mother! is about despite the claims it’s a biblical allegory. I see that argument but it makes more sense that it’s about one artists struggle to create art and his need to burn down his happiness and stability to create something great. I can get behind that thesis wholeheartedly. But back to Jojo. Jojo Rabbit is exactly what I thought it would be and yet so different from what I could have imagined it to be. That’s the perfect mix, in my opinion. Like the old cliche goes: I laughed, I cried and I love everything Taika Waititi touches; or something like that. I consider Jojo a must watch for all. Much like #2.

There’s not much that hasn’t already been said about Get Out, so I’ll simply say this: Get Out (and Jojo Rabbit, for that matter) is the type of movie that only come around once every 20 years or so. One so inventive in its storytelling, performances and direction that it’ll sustain us for the next 20 years until we get our next fix.

Fate and Skyscraper are like takeout pizza on a Friday night, though we know they’re not good for us, we can’t help but partake every month or so because they are so damn delicious and, let’s face it, we’re probably already a little drunk. The fact that the Rock is in both only makes it sweeter. Remember, if you can’t fix it with duct tape, you’re not using enough duct tape. That’s the kind of brilliant one liners you can expect from movies like Skyscraper…

Anyway, join me again next week as we’ll be doing something a little different then. I believe I have some tales from ol’ Bradley Wik’s life on tap. See you then. Also, feel free to comment and tell me how stupid/awesome my picks are and which are in your top 5 that I left out of mine.

Spinal Tap and my favorite live shows from Portland... aka... another weird Monday list...

OK, so I have a couple topics to discuss this week: the best/my favorite Spinal Tap songs and my favorite shows from my time in Portland, OR (which is not as expansive as you might think. Turns out there’s lots of venues, but not a lot of great one, and not a lot of great music in the city of Portland. College towns are better for mid-level artists. You know, the ones who are famous enough that we’ve heard of them and they’ve played enough shows to be amazing but not too big to phone it in at some “enormodome” type venue). With more than one topic (since I forgot to post this last week, you know, because I was moving into a new apartment and exploring the music scene in Charlotte, NC; so, fuck you) to get to, and already 5 Elijah Craig bourbons in me, let’s “get on with it” Monty Python style.

So, here we go. Here are my favorite Spinal Tap songs:

1) GSM (aka “Gimme Some Money” for the uninitiated)

Why is this song #1? Well, you probably figured that I would fucking tell you, didn’t you? It’s #1 because it’s the #1 song I’ve played from this movie over the years. Just as Spinal Tap used it to soundcheck (in Milwaukee, WI, no less! Go Brewers! Despite the fact they have been eating a dick lately…) with it, so did my band. I’ve played or fucked around in rehearsal with this song so many times, it’s basically a Bradley Wik and the Charlatans song by now. In fact, the producer/engineer/mixer of my first album “Burn What You Can, Bury the Rest…,” Rob Stroup, used to also play this with his band. Kinda part of the reason I recorded with him. Kindred spirits/lovers of weird/funny shit.

2) Big Bottom

The fact that this song features not one, not two, but three basses plus the synth playing bass lines… Jesus fucking Christ. Maybe it’s only funny to musicians but I can’t imagine how terrible this sounded live. No frequency filling, just lots of bass harmonies, which shouldn’t be a fucking thing. So fucking funny and strange. Also, “My baby fits me like a flesh tuxedo. I’d like to sink her with my pink torpedo” might be the greatest couplet of all-time. Shakespeare ain’t got shit on Tap.

3) Sex Farm

Because.. Just because. The opening line is “Working on a Sex Farm…” What a ridiculous concept that even all the fucking jokes, which are awesome, seem to pale in comparison to this absolutely absurd premise. Also, the words “Sex Farm Woman.” Just, such geniuses who came up with this. The jokes about pitchforks, raising hard love, plowing wheat fields is all secondary to the immaculately genius idea of a “sex farm.”

4) Tonight, I’m Gonna Rock You Tonight

Umm, using the same word twice in the same title (and chorus) is amazing. I stand amazed by the fact that they say “not a dry seat in the house” in the first fucking line. The genius of these men cannot be overstated. Spinal Tap may be the greatest Rock N’ Roll band ever. Except for their “Shit Sandwich” album. I hear it’s not great…

Like the great Brett Favre, lists are better at 4, so we’ll stop there. But, honorable mention is definitely “Heavy Duty” for its’ use of the word “duty” which always makes me laugh. Especially the line “Heavy Duty brings out the dootie in my soul…”

OK, here are the greatest shows I saw while I lived in Portland, OR, which was more than a handful of years. Yes, that city sucks and I hate it more than anything in the world but I did see some amazing shows there, so below are the top 4. In any other city, I would have had to do a top 20, but in Portand, 4 will suffice. Even the performances of people I love like Ryan Adams, Wilco, the Hold Steady, etc. were less than spectacular due to the shitty crowds in Portland who are “too cool” to have fun at shows. Fuck that. Music is about communing in something that can’t be found anywhere else and can’t be experience outside that moment. I’ve watched Bruce Springsteen’s live at the Garden DVD probably 100 times and it didn’t even live in the same country from when I ACTUALLY saw the Boss at the Garden. Same for every other live DVD I own (and that’s lots). Anywhere, enough preamble, here you go":

1) Damien Rice - Keller Auditorium

Damien is the proud owner of 3 of my favorite all-time shows. For those keeping score at home, that includes all 3 times I’ve seen him live. The first time with a hundred or so people in Madison, WI on the inaugural stateside “O” tour. My buddy Jake kept making illicit comments about the girl dancing on the stage during the opening bands set, which turned out to be Lisa Hannigan. Turns out she’s pretty fucking gorgeous. We didn’t know back then…

The second time was in Chicago during the “9” tour. He was equally stunning. It’s hard as artists graduate to larger and less intimate stages to see if they can maintain their awesomeness. Damien did. He did in spades.

The third time in Portland, I took my girlfriend (at the time) who was skeptical at best to see this show. She was more interested in the opener Markéta Irglová (from the movie “Once,” and a real life band I hear…) before we arrived. She proceeded to be mesmerized by Damien (as we all were) and occasionally I still hear her talk about how “sexy” he was, especially on “Me, My Yoke and I.” I have to say, she isn’t wrong..

2) Joanna Newsom - Schnitzer Hall

This was on the “Divers” tour. Needless to say, my girlfriend (at the time) was equally not excited to Joanna. I assured her it would be amazing, but had to almost force her to attend. You can always tell a great concert when two people who are really into each other (sexually) don’t speak or even look at one another for almost two hours. I actually forgot I bought a drink and it sat there half-drank for two hours until we left and I realized I paid $12 for a shitty whiskey and promptly poured it down my throat. But, it was the second time in a year that I totally blew her mind with a live show recommendation. Though, the flipside of that is that she didn’t want to come out to many more shows since nothing would compare to Joanna and the kind himself, Damien. Fair…

3) Bonnie “Prince” Billy - McMenamin’s Crystal Ballroom

It was the first time I ever got to see Will live. I had spent years living in areas he rarely toured, moving during a tour and missing the shows in both my new and old living places, and generally playing geographical “phone tag” with the man responsible for some of my favorite albums (“I see a darkness,” “Viva Last Blues,” and “Days in the Wake”). Finally, I got a hold of him. Yes, it was at one of my least favorite Portland venues. You know, the kind that sections off the front of stage area for minors and makes people drink in the back (Fuck you Berbati’s and re-opened Satyricon as well; both of which closed down shortly after I played them… The Jon Fickes curse continues…). But, the show was wonderful and to finally see my man Mr. Oldham was a treat. He’s a much better singer than he lets on and his band was amazing. Sure, they didn’t play many Palace era tunes, but this was like 10 years later so I’ll forgive him since he did indulge us in more than a couple “I see a darkness” tunes.

4) Shonen Knife - Dante’s

#4 was tough as there were a lot of great bands I saw in Portland, but were better at the shows I witnessed elsewhere (read: Ryan Adams, Wilco, the Hold Steady, Modest Mouse, etc.). Land of Talk or Helle’s Belles (the all-girl AC/DC tribute band) are my runners-up but it’s hard to top the random awesomeness of Shonen Knife. First, that night had started strange. My girlfriend, my buddy and his wife all went to this hipster fucking 90’s club because we wanted to get fucked up and sweaty dancing to ridiculous tunes (and hoping against hope that somehow, some way, they would play the Prodigy) but they kicked out my buddy because he was “drunk and couldn’t talk straight,” aka because he had one beer and he was born and raised in Scotland. Also, he had lived for over 10 years in America and his accent wasn’t that crazy, until about 8 more drinks. But since we got thrown out of the shitty hipster club, we wandered over towards Dante’s. Well, actually we were headed to Kell’s or that underground place that had cheap drinks and welcomed drunks when we decided to stop at Dante’s for some pizza by the slice. We hears some strange punk coming from inside. The show had already started so the bouncer let us in for free (after we explained what had happened at the other club). On stage were these three Japanese girls fucking rocking out and singing about how much they liked green tea. Needless to say, we were hooked. We got a Ramones cover shortly thereafter and we fell in love. I’m not sure how much of the show we missed but we still got to see an hour of their set and it was fucking magnificent. Fucking magnificent. I’ve been obsessed ever since.

It’s funny thinking back on the shows and how I’ve seen better shows in Seattle, Salem, Eugene and Spokane during my time in Portland, but the above were my favorite 4 in the city of Portland. An amazing group of performers trying their best to make a Portland crowd not be a bunch of fucking dicks and actually enjoy themselves for once…

(dictated but not read)

Two Words: Shit Sandwich