Female President Trump and "Liberals" vs. "Conservatives..." aka... fuck, my head hurts...

October 24, 2020 Bradley Wik

I have a couple things on my mind today for my blog therapy session. First, imagine if we had a female president who acted as Trump does. And second, how the terms “liberal” and “conservative” aren’t quite right for our time and what we should say instead. And we’re off, so we might as well get going (anybody else religiously read the Green Bay Packers Insiders Inbox every day?).

Female President Trump

I’VE TALKED ABOUT THIS BEFORE but it never ceases to piss me off. The way we treat women as opposed to men in politics (and, you know, like we also do with women’s health, women in the workforce, in sports, in the music, film and TV industry, and every other aspect in life) is fucking insane, pardon my French. Wait, fuck that. Don’t pardon it at all because it’s goddamned justified. Way back in the Democratic primaries (which were like, what, 400 fucking years ago), we had multiple women running. Elizabeth Warren, who was my preference for the Democratic ticket, was deemed too unlikable, too angry and too much like Hillary was in ‘16. Kamala was said to be argumentative, overly ambitious and not Black enough. Klobuchar was too mean to her employees. But would you say any of these women are more unlikable, angry, argumentative, overly ambitious or meaner to their employees than our current President? Of course you wouldn’t. In fact, the Donald is the epitome of every one of those descriptors.

I specifically remember being angry about Warren being forced to lay out an elaborate plan on how she would fund Medicare for All, which she did. It laid out where those dollars were going to come from, be it higher taxes on the rich, closing other tax loopholes for corporations, diverting dollars from other programs, etc. She had to have plans for all of her progressive ideas. But, guess who didn’t? Bernie Sanders. He was free to spout anything he wanted about free healthcare and free college and on and on without ever justifying a single dime to pay for it. His hazy plan was to maybe raise taxes on the rich. Well, how and how much? No answer. He even said with the government running the healthcare system it would pay for itself over time because of reduced administrative costs. Sure, the government has proven time and time again it can run services and be more fiscally efficient than their private sector competitors. Oh wait, they already run a healthcare service and the VA is a disaster. But, my broader point is the same ol’ thing we’ve been saying for ages: that a woman must be twice as good as a man to earn the same job.

But, back to the main thesis, I cannot even imagine if we had a woman running our country like Trump does. We would never hear the end of “that’s why we can’t let a woman run our country” and “women are too irrational and emotional to be leaders” and “women are too susceptible to compliments” and “that’s why we can’t give the nuclear codes to a woman” and “women are so vain and care too much about their hair” and on and on. We would likely never have a woman President ever again.

So, I would like to start the call. I say we never trust another rich, old, white man to run our country. In fact, I’m not sure I trust them in the House, Senate or as judges. The Green Bay Packers, well known as being one of the best run sports franchises in the world, have a rule that no one over the age of 70 can be employed in decision-making positions of power. I say we adopt that rule for Congress, Judges and the President of the United States as well. Our country is overwhelmingly progressive on most fiscal and social issues and yet our representation by and large does not reflect that. Speaking of “progressives…”

Liberal vs. Conservative or Progressive vs. Regressive

First off, don’t even get me started on how fucked up and fundamentally racist the construction of the Senate and the Electoral College are. Both were concessions to slave owners in the South who feared the more densely populated North would take over our country’s decision making if all things were equal. Even now, they both heavily favor white, rural areas despite the fact that nearly 5 times more people live in urban ares where populations tend to be more diverse and progressive (though not all urban areas fit that description. Looking at you Portland and Seattle. You may be progressive but you’re certainly not diverse…). The mere fact that North Dakota (population 762,000), South Dakota (population 885,000), Wyoming (population 579,000) and Montana (population 1.1 million) carry the same weight in the Senate as New York (population 19.5 million), Illinois (population 12.9 million) and California (population 39.5 million) is fucking insane. And because of those misplaced Senators, those same rural areas have an outsized say in the Electoral College. Again, these were concessions made to slave owners in the South back in 1787. I doubt they thought we wouldn’t have figured out a more equitable system by now. That’s why they allowed for amendments.

So, why don’t we change these systems now? Our country says it’s progressive so what is holding us back? Well, it’s those darn “conservatives.” Those same “conservatives” that are vastly overrepresented in the Senate. Those same “conservatives” that are pushing to remove rights and protections from women, people of color and the LGBTQ+ community (don’t worry, Native Americans had their rights taken away many, many years ago. You know, like the right to be alive…). Those same “conservatives” who are actively trying to take away healthcare from millions during a pandemic and are standing in the way of universal health care, a basic right for every citizen in every other first world country and, in general, most other countries in the world. Those same “conservatives” who are currently standing in the way of enhanced unemployment benefits for millions of people, like me, who are still unemployed because their “conservative” leader refused to be brave enough to actually lead our country through a national crisis. Those same “conservatives” who are standing firmly in the way of criminal justice and policing reform because they think we need more law and order. Those same “conservatives” who are still pretending there is no racism in this country and that “all lives matter.”

Wait, none of those things sound “conservative.” If the goal is to begin slowing down progress and stripping away the rights of people, that’s no longer “conservative,” that’s “regressive.” Let’s take a look at the definitions of “liberal” and “conservative,” shall we?

The definition of the word “liberal” is:

willing to respect or accept behavior or opinions different from one's own; open to new ideas.

The definition of the word “conservative” is:

averse to change or innovation and holding traditional values.

So, the key is change. One side is pro-change and one side is against it. In an ideal world, everyone would be liberal. Everyone would be able to “respect or accept behavior or opinions different from one’s own” but right now what we have is two sides that are completely unable to do that. What we have are two sides that moving in opposite directions and becoming far less “liberal.” What we have is one side that is pushing for progress and one that is pushing us to regress. I am very much a progressive but I don’t think I can call myself a “liberal.” I can no longer respect or accept that one side wants to take away rights from women and the LGBTQ+ community or provide basic social services to its citizens or make any progress on defeating the racism in this country (or even recognize there is a problem to begin with) or helping close the widening wealth gap. None of us should. Those things are essential to the growth of this nation; our progress, if you will. Going backwards is obviously not helping anything. Our country has never been more divided and rightfully so. We’ve always called ourselves a progressive nation who promotes democracy and human rights across the globe but a portion of our citizens and representatives are actively trying take away our civil liberties and individual rights here at home, even trying to restrict its own citizens inalienable right to participate in our democracy. That’s just unacceptable. And it’s not “conservative” at all.

We’re at a tipping point in the history of our great country. We have to decide if we want to continue to push forward to try to be a truly “progressive” nation, or if we want to be “regressive” and trample on all the things that America wanted to be in the first place. No, I’m not saying we used to be better. In fact, it used to be much worse, but we still have a chance to push towards the ideals that founded this nation. We’ve always said that we were trying to be a better, more perfect union, let’s actually follow through on that and stop trying to live in the past. A past most of us would rather learn from and grow beyond. We’re better than this. Let’s prove it.

Frightened Rabbit and the Blue Nile... aka... the beautiful gift of music...

October 20, 2020 Bradley Wik

This week, I felt the urge to write about some music. I’ve been a little all over the place while trying to pretend/hope the world isn’t ending and I am trying to come to balance by focusing on the thing I love more than anything. There are a couple of artists who I was introduced to just a few years back who have had an outsized influence on my more recent solo recordings. Sound, OK? Good.

Right off the top, the artists are (as you probably guessed based on the title) Frightened Rabbit and the Blue Nile. And, even more specifically, it is mostly due to one album from each: Frightened Rabbit’s “The Midnight Organ Fight” and the Blue Nile’s “A Walk Across the Rooftops.” I thoroughly enjoy each band’s other albums but those are the two that really hit home for me. And the gift I alluded to in the title, was that both of the records came into my life via a podcast that also drastically changed my life. I know, right? A music podcast altered my life’s trajectory? But, yes, it did. Very much so, in fact.

The podcast is called Man vs. Radio and is hosted by a man named Christian James Hand. He started the podcast to give himself something to do and to introduce people to music they probably hadn’t heard of before. As a former radio DJ, Hand is a fantastic host and an incredible storyteller; with some pretty fucking spectacular stories to tell. He has moved on from the pod these days but he left up some of the episodes HERE if you’d like to check them out. He now does this amazing thing he calls The Session (check it out HERE or on Instagram @thesessiononair and @kingtrut) where he breaks down amazing songs we all know and love. He solos out each instrument on the track and goes into each section in great detail. You never knew you wanted to spend an hour or two listening to one song until you watch his show. He’s doing them on Instagram and I would highly suggest tuning in and donating a few bucks to the cause.

But, the most important thing I gained from his podcast was not a great story or a favorite new song. The biggest thing I got from his podcast was the discovery that I had Asperger’s. For those who don’t know, Asperger’s is basically high-functioning autism, which is what I believe they used to call it. While I share a lot of the same skills and quirks as someone with autism, most people wouldn’t know I had Asperger’s unless I told them or they spent a great deal of time with me. I’d bet there’s probably some people reading this now that didn’t know until I just said that. That’s probably why I didn’t know either until about five years ago when I first started listening to Man vs. Radio.

So how did I find out I had Asperger’s from a music podcast? Christian, the host, also has Asperger’s and would talk about that in such an open and honest and real life way that my now wife and I started to piece it together. Well, she began to figure it out and I started denying it until the evidence became too overwhelming. Like anyone who finds out they have an “affliction,” I didn’t want it to be true. I think this is the same reason most people try to avoid getting their children screened for Asperger’s or autism. But, what I found out is that finding out (what a terrible worded sentence) turned out to be one of the best things that ever happened to me. I know, learning I had Asperger’s was one of the best things that happened to me? Yep. You know why? Because not knowing was slowly destroying yet another relationship, was causing me to struggle mightily with depression and drugs/alchohol (can’t say I’ve vanquished both of those things but I have a different relationship with them post-finding out) and generally was pushing me towards a very, very dark place. Like so many out there, I felt broken and like no one understood the way I felt. I knew something was different with me but not what was causing it. I thought about death a lot. And when I say “a lot,” I mean for multiple hours every single day. It wasn’t fun.

Finding out I had Asperger’s was the missing link. So many things finally made sense. And, perhaps more importantly, it meant that I wasn’t broken and I wasn’t alone. For my now wife, it meant I wasn’t just a total jackass some of the time. I had things I could now start to work because we knew what was causing them. It was a huge blessing. Now, that I’m aware of it, I feel like having Asperger’s is a net positive. But, in a close second, the other huge gift I received from Christian James Hand was the two aforementioned records that have become near and dear to my heart. So, onto the music!

The Blue Nile - A Walk Across the Rooftops

My favorite tracks: Stay and Heatwave

We’ll start with this album. There’s a cool backstory for this record that’s shrouded in a little mystery but it’s something along these lines. A company called Linn was making high end turntables and audio products but were looking to expand into the music business side of things. They wanted to find a band that they could get behind but also one that could make a record they could use to show off their new audio equipment. They heard some demos from this band called the Blue Nile and offered to finance their full-length debut album. And voila, they got what they wanted and we get the wonderful music that is “A Walk Across the Rooftops.”

There’s so many things I love about this album. The way it mixes electronic instruments with acoustic instruments. Its use of space as a way to both fill the record but also to expand each instrument. The way the songs feel composed as opposed to just written. The way it creates emotional textures that inform and bring out the most from the lyrics. The wonderful way it expresses complex musical ideas with such simplicity. It’s such a nuanced album both musically and lyrically. The vocal performances are otherworldly. They are understated and measured at times but during others are exploding with so much emotion that you could understand what he was trying to say even if it was written in a language you had never heard before. I love the way this record takes its time in revealing itself to you. Some songs and moments seem to jump out of the speakers while others make you want to lean in a little closer. I love all of it.

Some of those things were definitely kicking around my head when I made MY SOLO EP. And I can assure you they are still in there when I’m working on another solo EP that should be out hopefully in the next couple months (though, admittedly, it’s been a little hard to work on a record when you share a small apartment with another human and a cat that always knows when you need her to be quiet and then, because she’s a cat, does the exact opposite). I love playing with multiple simple, repetitive melodies. I want some sonic diversity as you move through the record. I want some songs to be dense and full of energy and others to feel sparse and intimate. I strive for emotionally driven vocal performances. In short, I wish I could make music like this but that’s not how my brain works. Plus, I’m not sure anyone can do what they do.

Frightened Rabbit - The Midnight Organ Fight

My favorite tracks: My Backwards Walk and Keep Yourself Warm

This album affected me in a very different way. Yes, I love the production on this album as well. But, it’s more of the songwriting and storytelling that grabs me on this one. Or, I should say, it’s more of the way Scott Hutchison goes about songwriting and storytelling that pulled me into this album. There is something about how Scott was able to talk about things like sex, depression, religion, etc. in ways I’d never heard before. It somehow felt so fucking intimate when he was talking about those really heavy topics, sort of like he found a way to let us peer directly into his brain while he was processing his thoughts. This was especially true when he talked about depression. I can’t think of anyone who was able to write and process something so difficult to understand, and do it in real time. Depression for me has always been a very personal and maddening issue. I struggle to articulate, even to myself, what I am feeling and how I feel about it. Obviously, a lot of that probably has to do with the Asperger’s but it’s nevertheless always been that way for me. Being unable to understand my own emotions has been a huge struggle for me my entire life, which then leads to more negative emotions that I cannot understand and the cycle continues.

When I first heard this album, based on Christian playing a song (“Keep Yourself Warm,” I believe) on his podcast, I felt like a light popped on in my brain. It was like a circuit had finally been completed and I could now access new thoughts and feelings that were previously kept off the grid, to finish the electricity analogy. Scott allowed me to understand so much about myself and did it in the way that makes the most sense to my brain, through song. He was able to say so many things I struggled to get out. It felt, and I’m sure there are thousands who feels this way, like he was writing music to help me through a really rough patch in my life. It seemed like he was diving into the darkest corners of his brain so he could help us understand our own darkness a little better.

With verses like:

I'm working on my faults and cracks
Filling in the blanks and gaps
And when I write them out they don't make sense
I need you to pencil in the rest

Or:

And vital parts fall from his system
And dissolve in Scottish rain
But vitally, he doesn't miss them
He's too fucked up to care

Or more hopeful ones, like this:

When it's all gone, something carries on
And it's not morbid at all
Just when natures had enough of you
When my blood stops, someone else's will not
When my head rolls off, someone else's will turn
And while I'm alive, I'll make tiny changes to earth

Unfortunately, the gift he gave was too great a burden on him and he took his own life in 2018. It was apparent from his music that his struggle was very deep and all-encompassing. But he did make those tiny changes for thousands and thousands people who needed a voice, like Scott’s, the same way I did. Scott’s voice became the voice in my head that could tell me all the secrets I had been keeping from myself for years. I hope that I can someday repay some of that Karmic debt by providing at least one song that does as much as the dozens and dozens Scott gave us.

Thoughts on the Presidential election... aka... some facts for you...

October 17, 2020 Bradley Wik

For any of you out there who are still undecided about the upcoming Presidential election:

A) What the fuck?!

B) Here’s something you should think about

The knocks on one candidate are:

He is old
He occasionally forgets words or rambles while he is speaking

The knocks on the other candidate are:

He was friends with/partied with Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislane Maxwell for over 20 years

Girls were recruited for Epstein’s sex ring out of what is now his home, Mar-a-Lago
He has been accused of sexual assault and/or rape by 25+ women
He has filed for bankruptcy at least 4 times
He has repeatedly praised tyrants and dictators
He has repeatedly refused to condemn white supremacy and white supremacists
He has admitted to downplaying a virus that has now killed over 215,000 Americans
After a supporter of his was killed at a protest, he sent in the US Marshals to kill the suspected gunman, noting "They knew who he was; they didn't want to arrest him, and in 15 minutes that ended"
And yet, he defended one of his supporters who murdered 2 protestors and seriously injured a 3rd
He sold campaign t-shirts that featured Nazi imagery
Despite his repeated claims of it being a “hoax,” even a Republican lead Senate committee found extensive coordination between his 2016 campaign and Russia
After evidence was presented alleging Russia was offering bounties for Afghan militants to kill U.S. troops, he refused to acknowledge it or even bring it up when he talked with Putin

I could go on, but you get the point. If you need more than that, let me know, and I’ll be happy to post a follow up closer to the election.

Columbus Day thoughts... aka... The more you know...

October 12, 2020 Bradley Wik

So, this is not what I intended to write about this week, but today I am trying to process a few things and this is where I go to do that so my wife doesn’t have to listen to me rant for hours on end. That might not be a very well-written sentence but that’s how things might go today. Grammar be damned!

So, what exactly is weighing on my mind today; besides starting back to back paragraphs with the word “so?” Well, according to my phone, it is Columbus Day. For those of you who don’t know, I am half Native American. What tribe, you may ask? And, even if you didn’t, I’m going to tell you. Stockbridge Munsee. They are a tiny little tribe that broke off from the Mohicans, moved West and settled in Wisconsin (of all places) when some of the tribes there took them in. Yes, get all your “last of the Mohicans” jokes out now. That’s what my wife would be doing right now if she was reading this. She says it never gets old. I might disagree. Though being compared to anything with Daniel Day-Lewis is pretty high praise. So, I guess I’ll take it.

So, I have a complicated relationship with my heritage. It comes from my dad’s side and I haven’t seen him since I was like 5 or 6 years old. Old enough to remember, not old enough to have known much about him or his past. And, seeing as I was too young to really get to learn about my ancestors on his side, I’m left feeling little to no connection to it. But, it’s there. We never really did anything particularly “Native American” apart from visit a reservation a couple times. My sister and I would get glares because we were half-breeds. Apparently to some, being half-blooded is worse than being white. But, that was about it. I don’t remember meeting any of his actual family (he was adopted) or ever celebrating any Native holidays. I never really thought much of it until I started learning about the history of America. Until then, it was just the reason my sister and I would get tanner than the other kids every summer. But, once you start to read about how your ancestors are violent savages who needed to be civilized via Christianity or murdered, things change. How would you feel if you were told that your great-great-great grandma had to be raped and murdered for the good of the land? Or that your great-great-great-great grandfather was barely human and was merely a scourge to this burgeoning new country? It makes you rethink things from a young age. To me, the “violent savages” were the ones invading, murdering indiscriminately and taking the land from the indigenous people. The “scourge” was nearly killing off an entire race of people. It’s funny how people seemingly always like to describe their enemies in terms that would perfectly describe themselves. Because of this, I knew I had to take everything I learned in school with a grain of salt; especially, with the “discovery” of America. So, I started learning more about this Columbus fellow everyone seemed so high on. I couldn’t square what I learned with how he’s regarded. It never made sense.

So (I wonder if I can start every paragraph with “so?”), every year on this day I spend a large portion of said day being aggravated that this is still a holiday. I do appreciate that in the last few years some states have started celebrating Indigenous People’s Day instead. Both my home state of Wisconsin and my newly adopted home state of North Carolina do, which makes me happy. But, for the thirty something states that still celebrate one of the worst explorers and humans in history, fuck you. And I say that with love, but I still say it. Why are we still honoring a man who tried to find a faster route to “the Indies,” failed miserably, then ended up “discovering” lands where millions of people already lived and immediately began to murder and enslave those people? The answer isn’t so clear when you look at the facts.

So (still going strong so far, though this one’s use is debatable), when Columbus made it to the Americas, his first thought was that these people would be easily conquered and would make good slaves. Natives, including children, were kidnapped, beaten, raped, tortured and sold off to the highest bidder. Columbus once sent a “gift” of 500 slaves back to Spain, with many dying during the journey. Spain was hoping for gold and silver and jewels and got…slaves, which they promptly refused because they thought Columbus was expanding the Spanish empire and creating new Spanish citizens, when, in fact, he was murdering, enslaving and chopping off the limbs of Natives because they weren’t bringing him enough gold (true story. Columbus was promised 10% of all the gold he found, so he pushed the Natives to find more at all costs, including, literally, life and limb). Columbus and his crew would round up girls as young as 9 or 10 and sell them as sex slaves. Columbus was eventually arrested and stripped of his governorship of this new land once they found out how he was running these new “colonies.” Here’s a written account of what one man (Bartolomé de las Casas) witnessed and participated in during his time in Columbus’s Hispaniola (warning: graphic violence):

“They [Spanish explorers] forced their way into native settlements, slaughtering everyone they found there, including small children, old men, pregnant women, and even women who had just given birth. They hacked them to pieces, slicing open their bellies with their swords as though they were so many sheep herded into a pen. They even laid wagers on whether they could slice a man in two at a stroke, or cut an individual’s head from his body, or disembowel him with a single blow of their axes. They grabbed suckling infants by the feet and, ripping them from their mothers’ breasts, dashed them headlong against the rocks. Others, laughing and joking all the while, threw them over their shoulders, shouting, ‘Wriggle, you little perisher.’

Columbus was personally responsible for the deaths of hundreds of thousands of Natives, including at least 50,000 that chose to kill themselves rather than be subject to his torture and slavery. The total number of Natives murdered in the Americas is hard to pin down, but I’ve seen estimates that range from 20 million up to 100 million with many falling in the 50 million range. The first major recordable change in greenhouse gas emissions was in the early 1600’s and SCIENTISTS NOW BELIEVE THIS IS DUE TO THE GENOCIDE OF NATIVE AMERICANS. Apparently all we need to do to address global warming is murder 50 million people. Well, since population levels are so much higher these days, better make it 100 million just to be safe. Kidding (kind of), of course, but that’s a staggering fact to think about when we are “celebrating” this day. Obviously, not all those deaths are directly attributable to Columbus, but as every child argues when they get in trouble, he started it.

So, again, I’ll ask: why do we still celebrate this man in most states? America is, or should be, better than this. Even most history books start with the “discovery” of America and go from there. Native Americans not only had their ancestors wiped from history but also their history itself. The tale told in many schools isn’t my whole story and it shouldn’t be the only story of this country, either. Native Americans deserve better.

AC/DC, Whiskey, Songs I play after a few and 5 favorite movies from the past 5 years... aka... All sorts of lists

October 7, 2020 Bradley Wik

Someone in my apartment building is watching Star Wars on full volume with the windows open so if I seem distracted, I am. Though I can barely hear anything but the music, I’m trying to decipher which movie it is. I’ve ruled out the spinoffs, so no Rogue One or that dreadful, god-awful Solo movie; which I went into thinking “just don’t show me his childhood, the Kessel Run or the card game where he wins the Millennium Falcon.” Fuck, they ruined all his mythology… I’m guessing it’s not one of the prequels because… who the fuck watches those on full volume. You’d have to be shameless. I think I just heard Jabba the Hut pretty early on, so maybe Return of the Jedi? Shit… See, I’m already way off topic. I hate having ADHD (a byproduct of my Asperger’s).

So, last week I listed my favorite music videos and British TV shows. I know, random, right? Well, that’s how Asperger’s brains work. This week I have a few more random lists for you. Lists again? Yeah. Either that or rants about everything that’s wrong in the world today. What’s that? You want the lists, you say. Well, what might we have this week?

Top 5 favorite AC/DC songs

5) Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap

4) Big Balls

3) Highway to Hell

2) T.NT.

1) Rock ‘n’ Roll Singer

Honorable mention: The Jack

I once wanted to be buried with a Gibson SG guitar (the type Angus played) with a headstone reading “It’s a long way to the top if you want to Rock ‘n’ Roll.” That’s how much I once loved AC/DC. I only love them slightly less now but would probably want to be buried with something sentimental like a letter from my wife and with some pretentious poetry quote like “Of life immense in passion, pulse, and power” on the gravestone. And yes, you will notice that my list only contains songs from the Bon Scott era. Well, as good as some of those Brian Johnson tunes were, his voice just doesn’t work for me. Had Bon not died while they were recording Back in Black, that likely would’ve placed 2 or 3 tunes on this list. Not sure anything could ever displace Rock ‘n’ Roll Singer or Big Balls as Rock ‘n’ Roll Singer is the official anthem of Bradley Wik and Big Balls, just come on. The fact that Bon Scott can pull off those 13 year old boy type lyrics with that much swagger, game fucking over. And who hasn’t pounded the bar and yelled those Oi’s at the top of their lungs during T.N.T.? Or wanted someone to take care of their Dirty Deeds, for a nominal fee, of course. Highway to Hell is just a perfect AC/DC song. Enough said.

As for the honorable mentions, The Jack was the 2nd song I ever learned how to play (Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door was the first). I probably listened to that song as much or more than any of the others as I tried to learn how to play blues guitar solos. I was actually pretty good for a bit and was invited to open jams when I was 16-17 where I would sit in with a bunch of 50 year old dudes and play some blues in exchange for beers they would sneak me during breaks. But, that was a long time ago and I wish I could still do that. Someday I’ll fire up The Jack and just riff for hours on end to resharpen these old, rusty fingers…

NEXT!

Top 5 songs I play when I break out the guitar after having a few (or a few too many)

5) I am a Cinematographer - Palace Brothers (aka Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billy, aka Will Oldham)

4) Mellow My Mind - Neil Young

3) I am Scientist - Guided by Voices

2) Glenn Tipton - Sun Kil Moon

1) Say Yes - Elliott Smith

Almost every time I’m just playing in my bedroom for fun (and drinking), Say Yes and Glenn Tipton get busted out. Glenn Tipton is usually played second last and Say Yes is the final song of the evening. There’s something about the simplicity and beauty of those two songs that just feel like the right way to close out an evening. I’ve been playing them for years as final two and can’t imagine a song replacing one or both anytime soon. Via Chicago by Wilco came close for a couple years but eventually they won back out.

I am a Scientist has some of my favorite lyrics that hit home whenever I hear them. Lines like:

I am a scientist I seek to understand me
all of my impurities and secrets yet unknown…

and

I am a lost soul I shoot myself with Rock ‘n’ Roll
the hole I dig is bottomless but nothing else can set me free…

Oof. For most musicians, those probably hit a little too close to home. I always love how music can articulate your feelings to you better than you can for yourself. It’s magic.

I am a Cinematographer is a song that shouldn’t make you feel the way it does, but it does. It’s an acoustic gem from Will Oldham that features lines like:

I am a cinematographer
I walked away from New York City
I walked away from everything that’s good
I walked away from everything I leaned on
only to find it’s made of wood

Umm. That means something I guess but it certainly makes sense when you hear the song.

As for Mellow My Mind, I just love that tune. It’s from my favorite Neil Young record Tonight’s the Night. It’s just a wee bit too high for me to sing (same for Neil but he can pull it off with his Neil Young-ness) so I typically only try to sing it once I’ve had a few. Though he does drop this amazing line in the second verse:

Something so hard to find
a situation that can casualize your mind

Who hasn’t felt that before? Turns out a lot of the songs I love are about trying to find something, often peace of mind. Doesn’t come easily to me for sure. The Asperger’s and the ADHD certainly don’t help but being artist only further exacerbates those feelings. Oh well, on to the next list!

Top 5 favorite whiskeys

5) Booker’s Bourbon

4) Elijah Craig Bourbon

3) Knob Creek Bourbon

2) Glenmorangie Original 10 yr Scotch

1) Blanton’s Bourbon

Figured since I have podcast about drinking coming out soon, I’d do a list about drinking. I swear it will come out one day, but time doesn’t grow on trees and when I’m not playing shows I have to work so much harder to make up the money. Good thing the state of North Carolina is so generous with its fucking $120 a week in unemployment. Oh wait…

I thought I made this list once before but couldn’t find it. If I have and you know what my top 5 was then, post it in the comments as I’d be curious to see if it’s changed.

So, this was actually much tougher than I thought it would be. Hold on, like 25 cop cars and ambulances just went screaming past my apartment building…

OK, so apparently that was a parade… Umm, what kind of parade makes you think your town is under attack like it’s fucking Red Dawn or something? Well, back to the whiskey. I really struggled narrowing it down to 5 because it felt like there are a lot in the top 15 range that are all pretty close in my book. Blanton’s and Glenmorangie are kind of in their own league, far above the rest. Blanton’s just has everything I ever want in a bourbon and then feels like they just doubled all the awesomeness because they can. It’s deep, it’s rich and it’s so flavorful (and alcoholful, yep, just made that a word) that it’ll knock you on your ass; sometimes literally. Glenmorangie is the opposite. It’s so smooth and light but packs just as much flavor. It’s not a peaty scotch but just that beautiful sipping scotch that really opens up if you take a sip of water after each drink of it.

#3-5 were tough. I have about a dozen that could’ve made this list depending on the day but these are the ones I chose. Knob Creek feels pretty locked into the third spot and I don’t think I’m ever without a bottle of Elijah in the bar. #5 went to what I was feeling at the moment but could easily be Basil Hayden, Buffalo Trace, Woodford Reserve, etc. You get the idea.

Top 5 movies from the past 5 years

5) Mother!

4) Skyscraper

3) The Fate of the Furious

2) Get Out

1) Jojo Rabbit

Jojo Rabbit might be the best movie I’ve seen since The Artist. I know people hate on The Artist but I still think it’s a fantastic movie. I love movies about the people behind the art and their struggle; which is still what I think Mother! is about despite the claims it’s a biblical allegory. I see that argument but it makes more sense that it’s about one artists struggle to create art and his need to burn down his happiness and stability to create something great. I can get behind that thesis wholeheartedly. But back to Jojo. Jojo Rabbit is exactly what I thought it would be and yet so different from what I could have imagined it to be. That’s the perfect mix, in my opinion. Like the old cliche goes: I laughed, I cried and I love everything Taika Waititi touches; or something like that. I consider Jojo a must watch for all. Much like #2.

There’s not much that hasn’t already been said about Get Out, so I’ll simply say this: Get Out (and Jojo Rabbit, for that matter) is the type of movie that only come around once every 20 years or so. One so inventive in its storytelling, performances and direction that it’ll sustain us for the next 20 years until we get our next fix.

Fate and Skyscraper are like takeout pizza on a Friday night, though we know they’re not good for us, we can’t help but partake every month or so because they are so damn delicious and, let’s face it, we’re probably already a little drunk. The fact that the Rock is in both only makes it sweeter. Remember, if you can’t fix it with duct tape, you’re not using enough duct tape. That’s the kind of brilliant one liners you can expect from movies like Skyscraper…

Anyway, join me again next week as we’ll be doing something a little different then. I believe I have some tales from ol’ Bradley Wik’s life on tap. See you then. Also, feel free to comment and tell me how stupid/awesome my picks are and which are in your top 5 that I left out of mine.

Bradley loves lists and I hope you do to... aka... Top 5 Favorite Music Videos and British TV shows...

September 30, 2020 Bradley Wik

Wow… I can’t believe it’s been a month since I last posted. Feels like a week or so. But, what is time anyways? It’s nothing if not relative, right? One of the reasons I feel a lack of motivation to write is that so little actually changes these days. I’m still busy working on various things but don’t have release dates or anything fun like that to announce. Plus, I’ve been dealing with some not-so-brilliant depression for the past six months, or ten years, however long it’s been since Covid-19 came into our lives. It’s hard not to spend hours and hours doom-scrolling the news every day, which also doesn’t help matters. It would be very nice if there was ever some good news, but that seems to have gone extinct due to global warming. I feel like the constant stress and anger that consumes me most days has taken 10 years off my life. Luckily, they’ll be the ten years at the end, which I wasn’t totally looking forward to anyhow…

So, instead of spending the 200th consecutive day dwelling on everything that is going wrong in our country and world, I decided to do something a little more fun. As dedicated readers know, I am very fond of making lists. Seriously, check out these great examples:

So, what lists are on the docket for today? Hmmm… Let me think. What do I want to spend the next couple hours thinking and writing about? How about we go with:

Favorite music videos
Favorite British TV shows

Sound good? OK. So, as Joe Swanson from Family Guy would say “LET’S DO THIS!!”

Top 5 favorite British TV shows

1) Monty Python’s Flying Circus

I know, a little predictable probably but it is what it is. It is without a doubt my favorite British television show. It comes in at #2 (behind Seinfeld) on my overall favorite shows list. I vividly remember purchasing the box set and religiously watching every episode in like 2 or 3 days. I was 15 or 16 and I can honestly say this show changed my life. I’ve written before how BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN’S “BORN TO RUN” CHANGED MY LIFE. Monty Python has had the same mind expanding effect on me. It recontextualized not only what a sketch comedy show could be but also creation and art in general. The limitless imagination of the human mind is fantastic. Sure, a few of the sketches are borderline insane and don’t really make sense, but that doesn’t take anything away from the brilliance of the all the rest. Even the mighty Bruce Springsteen has a few duds in the back catalog. Looking at you “Man’s Job,” which Springsteen played during his MTV Plugged performance (which was supposed to be “Unplugged” but the Boss does whatever the hell he wants) but suspiciously left it off his YouTube official channel even though he posted the rest of the concert… Hmmm…

2) The Office

The world’s first glimpse into the genius of Ricky Gervais. Man, the early aughts were just fucking stacked with good television. The Office, Chappelle’s Show, Arrested Development (the good years), Curb Your Enthusiasm, The Wire, oh my! But The Office to me was something I had truly not seen before. That mockumentary style was usually reserved for Christopher Guest movies and the dialogue was so realistic and natural that people assumed it was unscripted like Curb but it was actually the opposite. It was so meticulously and precisely worded that it almost felt too real. Every time I go back through the series (which I usually do once a year at least) I’m astonished at how uncomfortable Gervais is capable of making me even though I’ve seen this series at least 25 times. It’s true of all his shows but I still feel that this is his best work. I’ve never been able to get into the American version because I can’t not compare the two constantly which ruins the American series for me. I know they are two separate shows with different goals but I can’t get past the fact that this is so much better than the American version. Although, I’m sure to Gervais and co-creator Stephen Merchant love the American one just as much since that’s where they made most of their money from…

3) Fawlty Towers

I struggled so hard placing this and The Office. Fawlty Towers could easily be #2 (Ha! Poop!) on this list. In the end, I went with the show I watched more over the years (The Office). But, this show is not far behind, if at all, in terms of quality. It’s also amazing that John Cleese has 2 of my top 3 spots (although my favorite Python was always Michael Palin). There’s not a dud of an episode, but that is kind of to be expected seeing as there are only 12 episodes to begin with. Sure, the Major character is a little troublesome but that’s kind of the point. It’s such a simple premise that they somehow turn into these bizarre and hilarious ways. There are more than a few scenes that still make me laugh out loud even though I know they’re coming and I’m waiting for them. I find this is a show not all Americans know about, so I guarantee you it is well worth your time if you haven’t had the chance to watch this before.

4) The I.T. Crowd

This is the show that I probably quote the most on this list. My mom randomly sent the box set to me as a gift a number of years back. I hadn’t even heard of the show before receiving it in the mail but it has become one of my favorite TV shows ever. I love this show and the actors in it so much that one of the most exciting things that (almost) happened to me was when a song of mine was optioned for a movie starring Chris O’Dowd (one of the main characters in this show). I was more excited at the idea of soundtracking a Chris O’Dowd scene than I was about the potential money. Unfortunately, they picked a different song so I’ve vowed to never watch the movie; which is a bummer because it actually looks like a good movie. But, as anyone who knows me knows once I vow against a movie I never waver. I’m probably one of the last people on Earth that hasn’t seen Titanic, and I never will. Ever. Take that to the bank. The blood bank (any Steven Seagal/Hard to Kill fans out there? No. Me neither but I love that line. And I hate watch Seagal movies every now and again. The guy is a disgusting lunatic, look it up, but those movies are fun to make fun of).

Oh yeah, I was supposed to be talking about The I.T. Crowd. This is the perfect late night comedy show. Whenever I get Netflix anxiety (you know, too many choices) this is the show I turn to. I can pop on any season and any episode and be 100% satisfied with my choice. The interplay between the 3 main characters is so good you’d think they’d been friends for years in real life. As much as I love Matthew Berry (“What We Do in the Shadows” anyone?), I still prefer the boss from the first season but oh well. When Matthew Berry is the backup option, you’re doing pretty fucking well. When I watch the episode called Tramps Like Us, I always have to make sure I’m not drinking anything because there are a few scenes that still make me do a spit take (true story) after dozens of viewings. I’ll probably be popping on an episode later tonight once I finish writing this…

5) Spaced

Derek, another Ricky Gervais creation is probably my 5th favorite show on most days but I’ve been leaning heavily on comedies these days. And while Derek certainly has plenty of laughs, it definitely is a little too emotional for me right now so Spaced gets the nod. Also, because this is another show that I never hear anyone talk about and I always get a pretty “spaced” look when I mention it to people (ha! Puns…). I want to remedy that. No, it isn’t MY LIFE’S GOAL LIKE IT IS WITH NEWSRADIO but I do campaign hard for this show. For those who don’t know, which, again, is probably a lot of you out there (though I hope I’m wrong about that, let me know in the comments), Spaced was created by the guys responsible for Shaun of the Dead. Those two are already a formidable comedy team but this also has a hilarious Jessica Stevenson, who I believe co-created the show with Simon Pegg. I could look that up but I hate our generations addiction to always googling everything. It takes all the fun out of spirited debates about who was or wasn’t in such and such movie or what year Oregon became a state or whether or not you can see the Northern Lights from Wisconsin or any other fun, random facts that people kind of know but not enough to be positive about. I miss those days.

But, anyways, if you liked Shaun of the Dead or that style of comedy, you’ll probably love this. It’s directed by Edgar Wright as well, so it looks and feels very similar and does a lot of those awesome camera trick gags that they do in Shaun of the Dead. I can’t recommend this enough.

Come back next week for a couple new lists!

BWC back at Summit and Vote! aka... 2020 marches on...

August 25, 2020 Bradley Wik

Summit Coffee (Davidson, NC) here we come!!

First things first: I’m so excited that this Friday will mark the return of Bradley Wik and the Charlatans to Summit Coffee in Davidson, NC! Summit is where I played my first show with the newly reformed Charlotte-based Charlatans. Jamie and the whole gang over at Summit have been so supportive of me and the band during my short time here in North Carolina and I cannot wait to unleash some Rock ‘n’ Roll this Friday at 7pm. It’s outdoors and socially distanced, so come join us as we so rarely get to see y’all Live and In Person these days. Only getting to play like 2 shows a month leads to a lot of… blue fingers? Or whatever the musical equivalent of blue balls is…

(Editor’s note: I know I talk a lot of shit about Facebook, but it is the most convenient way to keep people up to date on things like shows. So, yes, I do occasionally pop on to post. But, Brianne also does a lot of it. I can usually tell when she’s getting ready to post on my FACEBOOK or INSTAGRAM because she’ll come up to me out of nowhere and ask me some really random question like: “if you were on the radio, what would you say about your next show?” or “what you say if someone asked about your favorite album of 2020?”)

Vote like your life depends on it…

As we continue on in this what-the-fuck year of 2020, there is one thing that has been abundantly clear since the beginning but has gotten direr as we continue to struggle with Covid-19, the Great Depression 2.0, and are beginning to confront this country’s history of white supremacy and how much that hasn’t really changed over the years: the importance of the elections this November.

I’ve been ASKING MYSELF SOME REALLY HARD QUESTIONS these days and I can’t say I’m loving the answers. But, one way to start addressing these issues is at the ballot boxes in November; or possibly even sooner. 34 states plus Washington D.C. allow for no-excuse absentee ballots; meaning you can request one and vote from the safety of your own home. Many states even allow you to vote well ahead of November 3rd, like here in North Carolina where ballots go out in a couple weeks. It’s like being sent the test ahead of time and I can actually take the time to study the candidates for those downballot races that I usually only have a cursory knowledge of. And, let’s be honest, there’s very few people who are waiting until the debates to make up their mind on the presidential election, so why wait. The sooner you vote the sooner we can get the results after November 3rd. With all the extra absentee ballots and the concerted effort to defund and disrupt the USPS, it could be a week or longer after the election before we know the final results. So vote early and get your vote counted ASAP.

And here in North Carolina, the process couldn’t be simpler. Seriously, look at the ballot request form:

The absentee ballot request form here in North Carolina.

Name, date of birth, address, social or driver’s license number and a signature. Boom. Easy. They even have AN ONLINE VERSION that Brianne and I filled out and emailed in. I think it took 5 or 10 minutes tops. And for those who think it might not be safe to vote by mail like this, Brianne’s initial application was rejected after her digital signature didn’t quite line up to her registered signature. Trust me, they’re double checking these.

Those of you who know me well might be saying “Didn’t conspiracy Bradley use to think that presidential elections weren’t actually decided by voting/the people?” (Conspiracy Bradley also believes we did NOT land on the moon in 1969 as there is just too much evidence against it and not enough for it, that JFK was assassinated by the CIA as he was sure to plunge us into a nuclear war with the Soviets at any moment, and is still not sold on the reasoning behind the very quick and precise collapse of the WTC towers, and that aliens do indeed exist). And you’d be right. I’m still not 100% sure if the powers that be would allow us commonfolk to determine the future leader of our country, but I’m voting just in case I’m wrong. There’s just too much at stake.

The presidency, the House, the Senate, they’re all up for grabs this year. The future of our country will be shaped by these elections, hopefully for the better. So, figure out what your state has available and go vote. 2020 has been a shit-sandwich of a year, let’s not finish it off with a shit-sundae for dessert…

New and improved Online Store, a Video Series, a Podcast and another new Record... aka... Quarantine is busy these days...

July 29, 2020 Bradley Wik

So, you may be wondering: Bradley, with all this down time due to Covid-19, why aren’t you posting blogs as often as you used to? As an unemployed musician, you must have plenty of time on your hands and plenty on your mind these days, right?

Well, you’d be both right and wrong. Yes, the band is only playing maybe 2 or 3 outside and socially distanced shows per month. Yes, I have stopped playing solo shows for a bit. Well, I’ve stopped playing them in public, anyways. I do still have my Facebook Live shows that I do every Thursday at 8pm EST, go to https://www.facebook.com/BradleyWikMusic/ and follow/watch. I started back in April, thinking I would be doing those for a month or so, and well, here we are in basically August with no end in sight. But, I’ve been having a lot of fun pulling out tunes I haven’t played in a while. Last week, and I think THIS VIDEO IS STILL UP, I played an old setlist I found from 2010, back when I was a full-blown folk singer. And when I say full-blown folk singer, I mean harmonica solos out the wazoo and my best impression of Dylan-esque imagery with lyrics like this:

I live beneath the freeway with the fortune teller’s maid
We sleep together on broken bones but she won’t tell me her name
She comes home every evening with sea salt, that’s how she gets paid
But I came here to find love and I hope she expects the same

Each week, I’ve been picking a fun new theme to play songs around. Past Facebook Live topics include: my favorite songs that I’ve written, B-sides/songs recorded for but left off my records, cover songs that shaped my musical journey, songs about drinking, and on and on. Tune in Thursdays at 8pm EST (or watch the replay, they’re usually up for a few days afterwards so you can enjoy over the weekend) to basically hang out with me in my bedroom each week and for a chance to hear songs you may not ever hear anywhere else.

But, back to the topic at hand. I do have more “free” time these days but seem busier than ever. Weird how that happens… But, in addition to those weekly Facebook Live shows, here’s a quick rundown of what I’ve been up to lately:

New BradleyWik.com Store and new T-Shirt designs!

I realize the “store” on my website hasn’t been the greatest and it was far beyond time for an update. Not to mention that CDBaby who had been handling my online orders apparently closed their online store without telling me. So, thanks CDBaby… But, regardless, it was time. So, check out THE NEW AND IMPROVED STORE on the website.

Everything has been brought in-house so we will be receiving a larger portion of the revenue (although this likely means international orders are no more unless I can find a cost-effective way to ship overseas), which helps out greatly during these uncertain times.

My favorite part of the new store is the “MADE TO ORDER” section where you can choose not only your t-shirt style and color, but ALSO can get a whole shitload of other things custom printed, ranging from coffee mugs to magnets to laptop and phone cases to, yep, EVEN MASKS. You can now proudly say “Some Girls Still Love Rock N’ Roll” while you shop for groceries. It’s pretty fucking cool, you should check it out.

On that “MADE TO ORDER” page, click the design you want to customize and the “customize/order” button. That’ll take you to the TeePublic page where you can start choosing options. There are multiple t-shirt and hoodie styles and a wide array of colors to pick from, but if you scroll down the page you’ll see all the other options you can have that design printed on. And there’s lots to choose from.

I will say, their standard t-shirts are really nice. They’re actually the exact same brand/style I chose (and I’m really picky) to have my last run of t-shirts printed on. I was expecting something thick and uncomfortable to be the “standard” or cheapest option and was very pleasantly surprised. And they crank these things out, too. Most made to order places take a couple weeks at least, but my last order through this company was placed on a Monday and I had it in my hands Thursday afternoon. Can’t say it’ll always be that quick but they do a great job and the quality is great. Trust me, I tried/researched a lot of made to order places before I settled on this one and it was worth it.

We are also working on some new designs (we currently have 5), so keep checking back for updates on those. If you have a suggestion for a song/lyric/etc. you’d like to have on a t-shirt, coffee mug, magnet, mask, etc., let me know via EMAIL or on FACEBOOK or INSTAGRAM. I can’t say I will make them all as I’m rather limited on what me or my wife has time to design (see all the other shit I’m currently working on), but we definitely welcome and will take suggestions into consideration.

Why We Write (and How!) Video Series

This is a video series ON MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL (I also keep you up to date on this very blog) where I interview friends, colleagues and fellow songwriters about, wait for it, why they write music and, you’ll never guess, how they go about building a song from the ground up. We also dive into musical influences, their favorite songs they’ve written, maybe they play a song or two for us, etc. It’s a fun, long-form interview series (usually 45-60 minutes) and I can’t wait to make more of these videos as it’s fascinating to listen to people talk very openly and personally about their songwriting craft.

I’ve released two videos thus far, one with the venerable MR. JON FICKES and one with all-around-amazing-human-being ADAM REID WILSON. More are in the works. A little birdie told me (do little birdies still deliver news these days? Or am I suddenly just really old?) that an episode featuring yours truly, Mr. Bradley Wik himself, is coming soon. That should be interesting. I can’t wait to hear what he has to say…

Friday Night is for the Drinkers, the Podcast

So, this one hasn’t been released just yet, but we have recorded a few episodes already. This is podcast that my good friend Kevin Pietila and I co-host. It’s basically what used to happen when Kevin and I would get together for a drink (remember when we could get together with people for a drink? Good times…). Kevin, a whiskey connoisseur, filmmaker, writer, video editor, basically, a modern day renaissance man; would introduce me to whiskeys I hadn’t tried, help me understand flavor profiles and then we would get into a deep discussion about something that was usually related to our lives artists. Since that is no longer possible, due to the coronavirus, and also the fact that we now live 3000 miles apart, we decided to keep the conversations going (albeit they are a little more structured on pod than in real life) virtually. I can’t wait for y’all to hear this. I’ve had so much fun just having these conversations and I think you’ll enjoy them as well.

I won’t spoil the whiskeys, but a couple topics we’ve discussed thus far: why we became artists in the first place and our take on a favorite movies list, with categories like “favorite movie to watch while sick,” “favorite movie you never want to watch again” and “favorite movie to watch while drinking.” Keep an eye out on this blog, FACEBOOK, INSTAGRAM or wherever fine Bradley Wik news is printed, for updates for the eventual release date for the Friday Night is for the Drinkers podcast.

Another New Solo Record!

Remember back in April when I released my first solo record during quarantine? (Listen on SPOTIFY or listen/buy on BANDCAMP). Feels like a hundred years ago, doesn’t it? Well, it certainly does for me. So, I’m working on another solo record I’m hoping to release in September, but you never know how these things will go. Sometimes they finish early, sometimes late; probably the latter since I’m doing everything myself again (writing, recording, mixing, mastering, etc.). But, I’m really excited about this group of songs. It’s a few new ones mixed with a few I’ve really wanted to record over the years but never quite fit on a record before. It’s shaping up to be another pseudo-folky, pseudo-synthy amalgamation with some pretty love songs (a change of pace for ol’ Bradley, I know), some upbeat poppier songs and some of that sad bastard type shit I’m famous for from the first solo record. It’s been really fun to get back into the studio, a.k.a. my bedroom, and get back to work on some music. I also have plans for another solo EP after this one, but I need to focus up or I’ll never get either done…

So, there you have it, folks. That’s why I’ve been a little distant lately though I’ll try and provide more frequent updates in the future. Well, that and the fact that I’ve spent well over a hundred hours trying to get unemployment and then going back and forth with them as they owe me a lot of money they seem determined to never pay out. Good times…

Until next time, keep a good head and always carry a lightbulb…

The new and improved bradleywik.com store!

New "Why We Write (and How!)" episode with Adam Reid Wilson

July 17, 2020 Bradley Wik

Happy Friday! Wait… Is there even such a thing anymore? Well, I guess I’ll just say “hey, it’s Friday.” Yep, it is indeed a Friday. I bet half of you didn’t even know what day it was anymore (editor’s note: I had to look it up, myself). But, I am happy to announce the second episode of “Why We Write (and How!)” with guest Adam Reid Wilson.

Adam is friend of mine, a great singer, a wonderfully poignant songwriter, a business owner (he owns a music school called Learn Music in Cornelius, NC) and one of the most amazing and thoughtful people I’ve ever met. It was really fun to dive into his past and learn about why he got into writing songs in the first place, who his early musical heroes were, which artists have inspired his songwriting style, his favorite songs that he’s written, why he continues to write (and likely will throughout his entire life), and he even played a song for us on the video as well.

If you like to hear about songwriting from passionate artists, I think you’ll really enjoy this episode, which you can find below or on YouTube at: https://youtu.be/KLzf0uPs0Dw

Also, I’d recommend heading over to my YouTube page, https://www.youtube.com/bradleywik, and clicking the red “subscribe” button so you can stay up to date on all the latest videos from ol’ Bradley. Plus, it just makes me feel good. OK, that’s a lie. I don’t know (or care) how many people subscribe but I think it bumps my searchability or some shit, at least that’s what someone told me once. Or, maybe that isn’’t what they said. I was pretty drunk so I don’t remember it specifically but somehow it’s good for me, which makes it a win-win. You get to keep up on all my comings and goings on YouTube and I get something too, whatever that is.

America First? How about we actually put America first for once... aka... some questions I've been asking myself lately...

July 10, 2020 Bradley Wik

How did we get here? Were we always here? How did everything get so fucking politicized? How is wearing a mask to protect yourself and the lives of your fellow American citizens from a deadly virus an “anti-American” thing? How is wearing a mask to try and thwart a virus, which couldn’t care less who you voted for in the last election and which has caused the entire world, not just us, to pause, a political display? When did we become so selfish and entitled that we couldn’t be bothered to do the least we could do (wear a mask) to prevent more of our fellow Americans from dying (130,000+ and counting)? Why can seemingly every other country in the world band together long enough to snuff out the worst of the virus while our cases are exploding out of control? How is saying that “Black Lives Matter” mean that you’re a communist and you hate America? Why does the president continue to label any opinion or belief “anti-American” if he doesn’t ascribe to it? Why do we continue to try and avoid the uncomfortable truth that our country is still significantly affected by white supremacy? Why are we not more alarmed when our president decides to use Nazi imagery in his re-election campaign by selling these t-shirts?

For reference, here’s what our Presidential Seal looks like:

Why do we tolerate our president saying he wants to save Confederate monuments and chastising NASCAR for banning the Confederate flag, a known symbol of hate? Why do we allow the president to say that “Black Lives Matter” is a “symbol of hate” while he’s advocating for actual symbols of hate? Why are we not angered by the irony of the president calling the people who tear down Confederate monuments “anti-American” when, in fact, the monuments themselves are literally anti-American as they honor people who tried to secede from America and who are responsible for the deaths of hundreds of thousands of Americans? Why do we so quickly move on from our outrage over the president planning his Republican nomination victory speech in Jacksonville on the anniversary, to the day, of a horrific Ku Klux Klan attack called “Ax Handle Saturday” which happened right there in that very city of Jacksonville, essentially commemorating the event?

Why do we allow Facebook (mostly just Mark Zuckerberg) to continue denying they have any responsibility for what is likely the largest collection of hate speech, hate groups and misinformation on the internet? Why do people believe them when they say it’s a First Amendment issue (it’s not, Facebook is a private company and can allow/disallow whatever it would like on its platform. The First Amendment protects freedom of speech, religion, press, peaceful assembly, and the ability to criticize the government, but ONLY between citizens and the government. It also does not apply to violent threats, false or misleading claims/statements or have anything to do with private companies like Facebook)?

Why does it seem is there is no tragedy large enough to illicit real change (I hope the current George Floyd/Black Lives Matter Movement will break this trend)? Why after the Parkland school shooting (and Sandy Hook, Columbine, and on and on, unfortunately), the El Paso Wal-Mart shooting, the Vegas mass shooting, the Charleston church shooting (and on and on, unfortunately), have we still not made any real progress on updated, common sense gun laws? Why does America, which has under 5% of the world’s population, have almost a quarter of the world’s prison population? Why are we OK with the fact that our health care system ranks as low as 37th best in world? Why does our school system lag so far behind the rest of the world, with the U.S. ranking as low as 38th in math and 24th in science? Why are we OK with our country’s wealth gap, with the top 10% of earners holding 70% of our nation’s wealth while the bottom 50%, half the country, holds just 1.5% (numbers per the U.S. Federal Reserve)?

I’m not saying all this because I hate America. I’m saying all this because we can and should be better than all this. I love my country but I’m sad to see the state of it. It’s always been far from perfect, but things feel near catastrophic at the moment. We’re so divided on everything that we all can’t even just agree that “Hamilton” is awesome these days. I’m (half) Native American (don’t even get me started on Columbus… thank you for not getting me started), so (half) my roots were in this land long before 1492 or the establishment of Jamestown 100+ years later, and I’m not going anywhere. Even just the fact that I can write something like this blog post without the fear of being jailed, or worse, is worth acknowledging (though I am a bit worried the Russian trolls who took over my blogspot.com blog will come back. True story, by the way).

So, please Americans, be better. Care about your fellow citizens, and wear a mask. Care about your fellow citizens, and acknowledge and help take down white supremacy. Care about your fellow citizens, and support free speech while stomping out hateful and divisive rhetoric and false narratives. Care about your fellow citizens, and support reversing the expanding wealth gap by supporting changes to our tax structure, minimum/living wage increases, our health care system, racial inequality, etc. Care about your fellow citizens, and support sending fewer Americans to prison. Care about your fellow citizens, and support implementing common sense gun laws so we can stop having these all too common mass shootings. Please Americans, remember, caring about your fellow citizens not only saves and changes lives but doesn’t infringe upon your personal freedoms in any way. It’s simply the right thing to do.

New Video Series - Why We Write (and How!) debuts today!

June 27, 2020 Bradley Wik

I’ve been away from the site for a while as it hasn’t felt appropriate to rant to about nonsensical things like HOW SNL CONTINUES TO NEGLECT MELISSA VILLASENOR’S TALENTS or about GENESIS, HALLMARK MOVIES AND NEWSRADIO. Those things don’t really seem to matter much to me these days.

In my last blog, I wrote that I, like millions of others around the world, am so angry that nothing seems to change no matter how often police are caught harassing, brutalizing or murdering black people. There’s never any accountability on the part of the police. Over the past month, I’ve been in awe of the support for the Black Lives Matter movement across the globe and am hopeful that this time is different. It definitely feels different. I hope I was wrong in that blog. I hope things will change this time.

I do want to announce that today I launched a new video series entitled “Why We Write (and How!).” In this video series I am deep-diving into songwriting with some of my friends and fellow songwriters. As the title states, I am asking why people play music, what got them started and how they go through the process of actually taking an idea through to completion. Along the way we discuss songwriting influences and other personal stories relating to music. I find it incredibly fascinating to climb inside the minds of talented musicians and think that you will too.

In the first episode, I talk with my good friend Jon Fickes. Yes, the very man who I used to introduce as “The Blind, Ramblin’ Reverend, Mr. Jon Fickes” when we were much younger and much more naive, thinking we would be the next two Bob Dylan’s, even moving to New York City to “sing the folk” as they say. Wait, nobody fucking says that. That’s stupid.

Jon and I have known each other for a long time and he’s been a huge influence on my musical career. The first song on my first album was one of his (“The Dark Lovely”) and I closed that album with an 8+ minute epic (“Just Like Jon Fickes”) inspired by both Jon and by one of his old folk songs called “Just Like Odysseus.” I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Jon is my favorite non-Bruce Springsteen songwriter. I really mean that. I thought I was pretty fucking talented until I met Jon. Hearing him inspired me to get better at my craft. Every time he’s shown me a new song, I’m like “fuck, I want to make something that good.” I thought my last album was pretty damn good until I heard HIS LAST ALBUM.

To this day, I still consider Jon the greatest folk singer of all-time. Bob Dylan may have a slightly higher peak (thinking “Desolation Row” or “Visions of Johanna”), but no one can touch Jon’s ability to channel and hit every corner of the folk genre. He can do it all. Epic tales of rambling or sailing the seas, a sad recounting of lost love, beautiful imagery to express his stories and emotions, the way he weaves his own experiences in fantastical folk tales, the fluidity of his harmonica playing, the way he can finesse his voice to fit any tune or word or emotion; I could go on and on.

And he’s tackles rock n’ roll/pop these days with the same ferocity. If you’d like to read about how I feel about his post-folk career, read my reviews of his first album “TRY AGAIN” and his lead single “DISTANCE RUNNER” off his second album entitled “Closer to a Ghost.” I love both records and I believe you will too.

If you want to take a listen, here are some links to listen/buy:

https://aviewofearthfromthemoon.bandcamp.com/releases

https://thefraidies.bandcamp.com/

To stay updated as I post more videos in this series, go to MY YOUTUBE PAGE and click subscribe so you’ll be automatically updated when they post in the future.

But, enough of my yappin’, CLICK HERE to watch the video on YouTube or just watch below.

It makes no sense. It never will... aka... Racism and senseless murders...

June 2, 2020 Bradley Wik

I don’t really know how to get started today, so I’m just going to go for it. Obviously, there’s so much happening right now and I’m really struggling to process the accompanying emotions, as I think a lot of people are right now. I have a very difficult time with processing emotions in normal circumstances, but here we are in extraordinary circumstances. I’m literally shaking as I type right now. My body tends to get all jittery and my ADHD kicks into hyperdrive when I’m feeling what my wife, Brianne, calls “all the feelings.” I remember feeling this last on March 13th, which happened to be Friday the 13th as well. It was the day I played my last public show as a musician. I spent the day pacing the house feeling like I drank like 10 cups of coffee. Brianne kept asking “why are you so anxious about the show tonight?” But, it had nothing to do with that. Only hours before, the president declared a national state of emergency. My brain knew something big was coming. I still wasn’t aware of all that would ensue but my body was reacting to what my brain was already telling it, that shit was about to hit the fan. That’s how I’ve felt for the past week as I’ve tried to process the news of yet another senseless, heinous killing of a black man by a white police officer.

The news came in when we were still busy being pissed off about that white girl who threatened a black man in a New York City park because he dared to ask her to obey the signs all around her and leash up her dog. And we were all still pissed off about what happened to Breonna Taylor and Ahmaud Arbery. Apparently, quarantine can slow down a deadly virus but not the deadly actions of some racists around this country. Somehow, that is quarantine-proof. Somehow, no matter how many times something appalling and tragic happens, nothing changes. There’s apparently no amount of mass shootings that can cause any change in gun laws. And there’s apparently no amount of deaths via racist police officers that will cause anyone to be held accountable for those easily preventable deaths.

In trying to figure out how I feel about this, it’s likely the same mixture lots of people are feeling: sadness for the victims and their families, friends and loved ones, anger that those police officers are never held accountable, and frustration that even though this continues to happen nothing ever seems to change. I know there’s more happening inside but I’m not quite sure what the rest of those feelings are yet. Events like this do bring out “all the feelings” but those are the three most prominent right now.

When I was a young child, I remember trying to understand the concept of racism. I don’t remember how it came up, it might have been a news clip about the Rodney King beating/L.A. riots, but it made no sense to me then. It still makes no sense to me now. I remember asking why people care about skin color? Do people care about hair color? Or eye color? What’s the difference? Do blonde people hate brunettes for having darker hair? It’s not really any different. And it isn’t. Or, at least, it shouldn’t be. But, I was about to have my first real life encounter with racism soon after. And no, I’m obviously not trying to compare the little that I’ve experienced to anything that’s going on, that’s not my point, and there is no comparison. My only interactions with police come via me doing dumb teenage boy things and when I was blamed for another car crashing into me because the man who hit me was old and rich and I was young and poor. That’s it. My point is that racism is such a pervasive issue that even a little mostly-white kid growing up in the middle of nowhere in Wisconsin can’t escape seeing it and experiencing it. I just want to try and explain what’s going through my head currently and why I, like so many others, am so fucking angry right now.

I must have been like 5 or 6 the first time I saw and felt racism. It was on a Native American reservation. I’m half Native American. My dad’s side of the family came from the Stockbridge-Munsee Mohican tribe. They have a tiny little reservation that was graciously given to them when they left the larger Mohican tribe and somehow decided to settle in Wisconsin, probably for those awesomely humid and insect-filled summers and the terrible winters. But, we weren’t active members of the tribe and it didn’t really mean much to us on a daily basis. We didn’t practice any rituals, celebrate any Native holidays, etc. It was basically just an historical fact. My mom’s German background meant more to us as our grandpa was constantly playing polka music, we ate all sorts of fried foods and we even celebrated St. Nick’s day, which I didn’t realize until recently was a very German thing that not many people do.

I don’t remember much from back then seeing as I was child, but I remember at one point visiting the reservation with my dad and sister. Probably on the premise of learning about our culture but likely because my dad wanted to collect some money from the tribe and/or buy drugs. He was a piece of shit and would soon be out of my life completely after my mom kicked him out for doing some blow in front of me and my sister when he was supposed to be taking care of us. Anyways, I have this distinct memory of not feeling welcome. As my sister and I walked alongside our dad, people would glare as we passed. I’m not sure who asked why, my sister or I, but we were told it was because we were half-white, which was looked down upon. We were probably told some short version of the history between whites and Natives to explain the animosity but I didn’t understand. I was too young. But, I could feel it, and I could see it in people’s eyes. I remember being angry that people didn’t like me before they even knew me. It made no sense to me. It still doesn’t.

Fast forward some years and now I’m school-aged. In history class, I’m being taught that Native Americans, like me and my ancestors, are savages, rapists, murderers, etc. that needed to be educated by the white people. The Natives should adopt their version of religion or risk being murdered. Some do, but most fight for their land and way of life. Manifest Destiny becomes the excuse which allows the white people to take over and justifies the murder of millions. To illustrate, Wikipedia has this astounding fact:

According to geographers from University College London, the colonization of the Americas by Europeans killed so many people it resulted in climate change and global cooling.

That’s fucking insane. Our country is literally founded on racism and the dehumanization of others. Why should we expect anything less? Maybe because that was 500 fucking years ago and people should generally be more highly evolved and intelligent than they were back then. Which, to be fair, a lot are. But, some are not, which is fucking baffling.

Again, I’m not trying to say any of this is even in the same ballpark of what Black Americans, Asian Americans, Mexican Americans, etc., hell, all women for that matter, experience, I just want to give some context as to why I’m currently so pissed off. Racism is something I’ve known about for most of my life, yet I still feel like that five year old kid who doesn’t understand it. It still doesn’t make sense. It never will.

Growing up in rural Wisconsin, I can’t say we had a lot of diversity around. I knew some Mexican families who ended up moving there to work the farm fields but that was about it. It wasn’t until my freshman year of High School that the school welcomed a black student. Well, “welcomed” is the wrong word, unfortunately.

At first, it was business as usual. Nothing was any different, because after all, why should it be? We got new students all the time. Usually, it was because their parent got a job at the local John Deere factory, which employed most of the town. The new kid would be the “new kid” for a while, find others with similar interests and/or join a sports team and become part of the fabric of the school. But, I should have known a tiny town of 3000 in the middle of nowhere Wisconsin wouldn’t work like that. I guess I had too much faith in my fellow students.

After a while, the comments and “jokes” started. Some people who were once my close friends started in. These were the kids I had spent years playing sports with, rollerblading with (yes, I’m over 30), talking about our girl crushes with, dreaming about our futures with, spending summers at the local pool with, etc. We were pretty damn close. But, an offhanded comment here and a name there and I found myself drawing away from them. At first, I tried to play it off. Maybe they were repeating a joke I didn’t know or didn’t really feel that way. But, that was stupid of me. One kid would privately tell me he didn’t like the way the others talked but had known these guys since he was like 6 years old and wasn’t going to bail on them. He asked me to do the same. They’re not really bad guys, he would say. But, I couldn’t. I’ll always remember the day they all got together to put Confederate flags on their trucks and took a couple laps through the school parking lot. I hoped the school would put an end to it but even that proved too optimistic of me. I don’t remember what I said to them that day, only that it was probably a jumble of fuck you’s, you dumbasses, rednecks, or something along those lines. Little did I know that was only the beginning of their plan for that day. My former friend, who secretly disagreed with the others but acted complicity, let me know they were planning on fighting the black kid after lunch that day. I went to the kid to let him know. He told me he knew already and wasn’t afraid of them. I remember the principal or whoever was in the office that day had heard about it and said they would do what they could to prevent it, i.e. not really anything. And, just as my former friend had said, after lunch, in the hallway, a skirmish broke out. Like ten boys against the only two students of color, one black, one Hispanic, at the school. I remember yelling and trying to hold my old friends back. I punched one of them. Luckily, since it was right in front of the office, the fight was over quickly and was mostly just yelling, pushing and some terrible, off-target punches. But, I’ve never been able to shake the evil that was said and displayed by those ignorant, racist kids. I was 14 and still trying to figure out who I was. But, even then I knew I wasn’t like those other kids. That was clear. I couldn’t and wouldn’t tolerate that behavior. No one should. But, the school did. I know the racist offenders were “disciplined” but it wasn’t much. I remember being angry they weren’t outright expelled. It made no sense then. It still makes no sense.

After that incident, I knew I would be leaving that town and never coming back. I had to wait until I graduated and those last few years were a little rough. I felt no connection to that town or the people. I felt like the odd man out. I didn’t get to, and didn’t want to, fit in anymore. I left within the month after graduating to move to Madison, WI. I had friends down there and I couldn’t have been more excited. Ever since then, I kept moving from major city to major city. San Francisco, Seattle, New York, etc. I felt more comfortable in cities. I realized part of that was because of the diversity of people. Then, I moved to Portland, OR on a whim. I hated Portland, OR and never felt at home there. I think it had something to do with a lack of diversity and culture. There was even common joke out there. When people would ask if there were black people in Portland, the response was “are the Blazers in town tonight?” That’s how bad it was.

As an adult, I would hear stories from my friends of color, be it African, Asian, Dominican, Puerto Rican, Mexican, etc. Stories about people coming out of their house with shotguns drawn because my friends had made a wrong turn and dared to turn around in their driveway. Stories of running out of gas on road trips because they didn’t feel safe stopping in certain rural areas. Stories of not getting job opportunities or promotions because of the color of their skin. Stories of people being mad that their son or daughter was dating them. Stories of cab drivers refusing to pick them up. Stories of getting into shouting matches, sometimes even with people they knew, who would then pull out racial slurs to demean them. And on and on.

But, the one story everyone seemed to have was an incident involving harassment by the police. For some, it was one or two things over the years. For some, it was a fairly common occurrence. I heard stories of constant harassment at apartment buildings. Sometimes it was from just walking down the street and “looking suspicious” according to a cop. Many felt they weren’t able to call the police even if they needed help. It always made me so fucking angry that the people who should be protecting people were doing the opposite.

And look, I realize that most cops do a fine job. But, the problem is that there doesn’t seem to be mechanism to remove and punish the bad ones. Yes, racism as a whole is the bigger enemy, but if at the very least cops would be held accountable for literally murdering people, there would be some semblance of trust towards law enforcement. I’m sure most cops would support this. Instead, George Floyd was murdered by a cop who had at least 17 prior complaints against him, including at least one for police brutality, had drawn and fired his weapon at least 3 times (a recent study said ONLY ABOUT 27% OF OFFICERS EVER FIRE THEIR WEAPON), once even drawing it on an unarmed teenage boy; all over a fucking lousy counterfeit $20 bill. It’s all in the video. Cops come up guns drawn and basically start harassing the man, again, over a $20 bill. You can hear him start to talk about not being able to breathe and being claustrophobic pretty early on. It sounds to me, and this is just speculation, that he may have been having a panic attack. And he would have been right to have a panic attack. He was about to murdered, slowly, intentionally and painfully, over a fucking $20 bill.

But, we know that’s not the real reason. The real reason is the reason why people all across this country are protesting. It’s the history of racism by police and the lack of accountability. It’s because yet another racist white cop killed yet another unarmed black man. And we all know there’s likely little recourse for this cop’s reprehensible, unimaginably cruel actions. Until they actually send one of these murderers to jail, this will continue to be a huge fucking issue. It’s literally that simple: start holding them accountable. Are we going to completely eradicate racism from the world? I wish but that’s unlikely any time soon. So, punishing those who murder someone just because of the color of skin is a good place to start. That should be a wildly attainable goal but, for some reason, even that is too much to ask.

Maybe this will be the one. Maybe things will finally start to shift. But, sadly, I doubt it. Maybe if we had a some actual leadership in this country and president who had human emotions and wasn’t trying to incite more violence by inviting white supremacists to counter these protests, telling people the old racist adage of “when the looting starts, the shooting starts,” typing gleefully that Secret Service is itching for someone to jump the fence at the White House so they can “see some action” and once again recalling racist images by saying he will sick dogs on the protestors, which he also calls by the racist term “Thugs.” But, we don’t have a competent president. We have a man who sympathizes with and defends those white supremacists, is trying to blame this all on “the Democrats” despite it being caused by the actions of racist cops, vigilantes, etc., is actively undermining our democracy by trying to keep people from voting so he can remain in office, has been accused of sexual harassment, assault and/or rape by over 20 women, has made literally the wrong move every step of the way regarding the Coronavirus costing tens of thousands of people their lives which could have been saved had he acted responsibly at all, is touting the drug hydroxychloroquine, which the EU and the World Heath Organization say causes more harm than help and was found to increase chance of death in Coronavirus patients in a trial here at home by a VA hospital, because he and his friends and family stand to make money off of it, has inspired countless mass shootings across the country because of the way he emboldens racists with his carelessly reckless words, and, shit, I could go on and on but that’s not what this is about.

This is about trying to reconcile how yet another black person has been senselessly murdered by yet another racist white man, who will likely escape punishment for his crime just like so many others before him. It’s me trying to figure out how someone whose job is to serve and protect could suffocate a man to death over a fucking fake $20 bill. How anyone could continue choking the life out of someone as they said these words (transcribed by THIS SLATE ARTICLE):

“God
It’s my face man
I didn’t do nothing serious man
please
please
please I can’t breathe
please man
please somebody
please man
I can’t breathe
I can’t breathe
please
(inaudible)
man can’t breathe my face
just get up
I can’t breathe
please (inaudible)
I can’t breath shit
I will
I can’t move
mama
mama
I can’t
my knee
my nuts
I’m through
I’m through
I’m claustrophobic
my stomach hurt
my neck hurts
everything hurts
some water or something
please
please
I can’t breath officer
don’t kill me
they gon kill me man
come on man
I cannot breathe
I cannot breathe
they gon kill me
they gon kill me
I can’t breathe
I can’t breathe
please sir
please
please
please I can’t breathe”
-George Floyd

I don’t understand it. It doesn’t make sense. It never will.

Mural in Minneapolis at the corner of 38th Street and Chicago Avenue South, the spot where Floyd was arrested, by Niko Alexander, Cadex Herrera, Greta McLain, Xena Goldman, Pablo Helm Hernandez.

The Gunslinger and my shitty attempt at Bob Dylan lyrics aka... random shit I love... pt. II

May 24, 2020 Bradley Wik

Like many people these days, I’m spending hours each day trying to get unemployment. It’s like trying to win the lottery just to get through on the line. Yesterday, I finally got through! Only to be told I filed my initial claim incorrectly, though I followed the websites instruction to a t, and I had to be transferred to someone else to cancel that claim their own website told me to create. Of course, the transfer went nowhere and I was once again back to playing the phone lottery. Which is nicer than the real lottery as it costs me nothing to “play” as it is just a once every ten or fifteen minutes phone call that ultimately is disconnected because of high call volumes. I get it. There’s millions of people like me trying to make this thing work. But, it seems like offering assistance that many aren’t able to get is such a fucking tease. Plus, with North Carolina’s rich history of trying to keep people from getting unemployment in the first place, I figured this would be a long shot to begin with. But, as I’ve never had to do anything like this before, I had no idea what to expect. My sister, who was eligible since the beginning of the pandemic, told me it took her over a month to finally get through and get it all figured out, and she’s back in Wisconsin where they are much more liberal in providing assistance.

I feel bad for the customer service reps as I’m sure people are frustrated and pissed off when they finally get through. I hope people are excited and thankful when they finally hear that voice on the line but given the news these days that people are marching around with fucking grenade launchers (true story from here in North Carolina) to protest God-knows-what because a virus has nothing to do with guns (or grenade launchers, for that matter), I somehow doubt gratitude is the main thing being expressed. Again, I say this fully realizing there are millions just like me, wanting for a lifeline that exists but we still aren’t allowed to have. Hold on a sec, time for another call… Nope, nothing. Disconnected again…

But, fuck that shit. I’m tired of bad news. So, let’s do something else. Last week, I announced that MY MUSIC IS GOING TO BE IN A VIDEO GAME and I professed my love for NASCAR and WWE wrestling. That’s some random shit for a “sensitive musician,” I realize. Well, here’s some more of my favorite things that maybe you already know or maybe you wouldn’t expect (or maybe didn’t really care to know). Here’s a couple people that changed my life in a very meaningful way. I wanted to really give some insight into ol’ Bradley Wik. So, here we go…

#1 - Brett Favre

So, I know he’s been back in the news for a not great reason lately. Reportedly, he took some money from the state of Mississippi for some appearances that got cancelled or were never made and now he has to pay the money back. He says he didn’t do anything wrong but who knows. I don’t really care and that’s not why we’re talking about him right now.

As I’VE TALKED ABOUT PREVIOUSLY, sports was a savior of sorts for me. Back when I was a kid, I had some trouble fitting in and always felt like I didn’t quite belong with the other kids. I had issues with my teachers and fellow students, which I was usually able to get out of due to my good grades, my ability to talk my way out of things, which, really means talking until the other person can’t take it anymore and gives up, and because of my supportive mom, who always had my back. Those issues included being highly disruptive in class (usually because I was bored, as it was easier for me to just learn the material from reading ahead so I could then tune out the teachers as they went on and on. Some teachers really didn’t like this, apparently), fighting (including one epic fight that included over twenty boys and had been organized/negotiated days in advance), refusing to go to class with certain teachers, and on and on; you know, the usual. I realize now, much of this was due to the Asperger’s. School, for me, was too easy and boring and the social aspects of my Asperger’s were hard to identify. I had plenty of friends but sometimes was super awkward around other kids/teachers. I wasn’t hard to talk to, but often had nothing to say to people. Or, I had way too much to say to people. Unlike the other kids who, looking back, likely had Asperger’s as well (thinking of my two mates who also jumped up a couple grades in math and science with me…), I wasn’t clumsy or bad at sports. In fact, it was the opposite. I was actually pretty good.

So, sports became my safe space. It was OK for me to get super intense and competitive and release too much energy on those around me. It was OK for me to be hyper-obsessive about the sports I played. I didn’t need to be able to talk about feelings or life to those around me. It was OK to just talk about sports ad nauseam. It was a (semi) healthy way to experience those things that are often too extreme in regards to the other areas of my life. Yes, I was still told to tone it down sometimes but mostly I was able to be myself and no one judged me for it. Plus, for some reason, again, possibly the Asperger’s, I have to be obsessively passionate about something and sports were that thing for a long time.

OK, so where does Brett Favre fit in? Well, he was my first sports hero; and still my greatest sports hero to this day (second greatest overall as The Boss has taken over the top spot, which was also once held by Bob Dylan, see below). One of my earliest memories is of that fateful Packers-Bengals game back in ‘92, Favre’s first extended action and his first official comeback victory. It was a hot summer day back in Oconomowoc, WI. Our living room ceiling fan wasn’t working (or had to be replaced, I can’t remember which) but it was all in pieces and it was in the process of being repaired (or installed). We regularly watched the games on Sunday, but the Pack was generally lousy and it was usually just to wait to see how they blew another game. Majkowski had his one great season back in ‘89 (which was before my time) but otherwise just couldn’t stay healthy. So, I remember a collective groan when he got injured, again, during this Bengals game. In comes this baby-faced kid we had heard a lot about but hadn’t really done anything yet. In true Favre form, he came out swinging… and it was a disaster. A fumble, a near interception straight to a linebacker, another fumble, maybe even a third fumble. He couldn’t get out of his own way. Quickly, the game was over. It was like 20-3 or something. Then suddenly, the fourth quarter came around and we found ourselves in the endzone. How did that happen? Sterling Sharpe caught one of the TD’s from Favre and cracked a rib on the play, I believe, but kept playing. Then, Favre had two of the most amazing throws ever. First to Sharpe down the right sideline, who immediately rolled off because he HAD A FUCKING CRACKED RIB (which I’m sure the announcers called “getting the wind knocked out of him” or “had his bell rung” or something similarly idiotic because that’s just what we used to say for every injury/concussion) and then to some random guy named “Taylor” (who I don’t know for sure ever caught another pass in the NFL) for the game winning TD. It was incredible. At that moment, the entire state of Wisconsin was instantly energized. It was a new era for us and, most of all, we finally had our hope back. Hope is a very powerful thing.

So, why did I tell you all of that? Most of you probably didn’t care and, if you did, you can watch the game on YouTube or buy it from iTunes, like I have. But all that above was just my memory from before I rewatched the game, which only confirmed that somehow I still recalled it vividly after 28 years. If you’re old enough and from Wisconsin, that moment is seared into your memory like the moon landing (which wasn’t real in 1969, sorry to tell you. But they did do a great job making it look good) or 9/11. You’ll never forget where you were, what happened and how it felt.

But, again, why did I tell you all of that? Because everything I love about Brett Favre is in that first comeback win. He was never afraid to take chances or to make mistakes. He never let his mistakes get him down. He was always ready to take the big shot. He was always having fun regardless of whether he was winning or losing. When the game was on the line, he wanted the ball in his hands and he was going to make the throw that either won or lost the game. He relished that responsibility. And he was never going to go down without a fight, no matter the odds.

I wanted to be like that. I still strive to be like that. I don’t always maintain my composure when things go awry and I can’t say I’m always having fun when things are going sideways, but I want to. In many ways, that game is like an allegory for my musical career. It started off rough. I had some natural talent with music, but no actual skills. I was shit at playing guitar and worse at singing (just ask my mom who had to endure hundreds of hours of terrible, a-dying-cat-trying-to-yodel type sounds, I’m sure). But, I kept fighting. Soon, I had stopped making so many mistakes but still wasn’t very effective. So, I took a few big shots. I moved to San Francisco, Seattle, New York City. I kept playing music in each city, learning so much and getting exponentially better. I had been the guitar player/backup in other bands but wanted my chance to start/put together my own band. So, I took another big shot and did. Some more rough spots but I always wanted that responsibility of being the one to win or lose the game/show. Then, I finally made a couple big throws/records and things started turning around. Soon, I was coming back for the win/hearing my songs on the radio and playing shows all over. Then, finally, after another long shot/moving to North Carolina, I was able to secure the win/become a full-time musician. Then, a worldwide pandemic broke out and negated that. But, fuck that part of the story, the rest is the good stuff. And, just like Favre, when this starts to subside, I’m ready for another comeback, baby.

And sure, we both have regrets. Me, I have parts/performances on my records I wish I could redo, shows I could replay, etc. Brett has not winning back to back Super Bowls after losing that Super Bowl they never should have lost and of which we do not speak of. OK, fine.. For those who don’t know what the hell I’m talking about, it was Super Bowl XXXII back in the 1997-98 season… Ewww, even just saying those words makes me sick. We’ve both struggled with addictions. We’ve both had other moments we wish to forget over the years but never let ‘em get us too down. I’ve always had the gunslinger inside me. Whether that’s been shown by never being afraid to go all out with my music even though I might stink it up sometimes or never being afraid to move across the country (I’m on move across the country #6, which should be the last…). Or, whether that’s shown by MAKING A RECORD THAT SOUNDS NOTHING LIKE ANYTHING I’VE EVER DONE, which required using a Moog synthesizer (which I did not know how to play when I bought it and had never touched before I started recording with it). A record that many people seem to not know what to do with yet. But, it’s really good, I assure you. Just give it some time. It even took Brianne a while to warm up to it. (Also, go back and read all the blogs, labeled NEW MUSIC, TRACK #1, TRACK #2, TRACK #3, TRACK #4, about the album and each track to see how much care and love went into it)

That’s why I love Brett Favre. Sure, I love the Super Bowl and all the other games he won for us. But mostly, I love the man and his spirit and what he represented to me. He is what I aspire to be. Maybe someday I’ll get there…

#2 - Bob Dylan

For #1, I listed my biggest sports hero of all-time. For #2, I actually went with the second most important musical figure in my life. As any reader of this blog knows, Bruce Springsteen is my biggest musical influence by far and his status towers over all others. In fact, as I wrote about before, the Boss is THE MAIN REASON I EVEN PLAY MUSIC. But, Bob Dylan is my sentimental choice because of when his music came into my life and why I fell in love with it so much. And probably also a little bit because Bruce himself wanted to be Dylan when he was younger. So, you know, we have that in common.

I was already in High School by the time I first listened to an actual Bob Dylan record. Sure, I had heard “Like a Rolling Stone” and “Mr. Tambourine Man” on the radio but that was probably my only exposure to Dylan previously; unless you count the horrible/silly impressions they would often do on “Who’s Line is it Anyway?” Much like “Born to Run,” “The Freewheelin’ Bob Dylan” unlocked something in my brain that I didn’t even know existed. “A Hard Rain’s A-Gonna Fall” was like nothing I had ever heard before. It was like poetry with some music thrown in for good measure. But, the interesting thing, and the thing I couldn’t figure out, was how he managed to take that poetry, which was steeped in seemingly random imagery that even he himself said didn’t always mean anything, and make it “feel” like emotions. It was baffling. It was magic.

Part of this fascination was definitely related to my own Asperger’s. I was/am mostly unable to understand or express my own emotions. Dylan showed me, without me even knowing it, a new way to do that. But, it was a way to do it subconsciously. I wasn’t actively exploring my emotions and thinking through them outwardly, but his music was allowing me to do that for me behind the scenes. I didn’t know it yet, but he was slowly teaching me how to express my feelings through music. Bruce had opened up that channel but Dylan was the first to really start to pull things out of me.

Slowly, I worked my way through his catalog in chronological order. Shortly after, I got to “Another Side of Bob Dylan” and my mind was officially blown. “Chimes of Freedom,” “My Back Pages” and “To Ramona” took that idea of poetry and imagery with a side of music to a whole other level. But, you could tell the man was just getting started. Even he had a laugh with himself on the record. He knew what he was doing was brilliant.

His “big three” run was up next and about to take over my life. “Bringing It All Back Home,” “Highway 61 Revisited” and “Blonde on Blonde” brought a band into the mix (I still don’t understand why people were so angry about this. Fucking folk purists…) which turned everything up to eleven. The songwriting, somehow, got even better too. It was like watching Michael Jordan turn it on even more during a game just because he could. (side note: “The Last Dance” was really a good watch, though very obviously had to cater a ton to Michael to get him to do it in the first place. But, one of the things that irked me is how everyone talked about how he gave it 100% during each game but could always go up a notch if he felt slighted or wanted to prove something, which literally means he didn’t give 100% every night. I’m not saying he dogged it the other nights but despite hearing it at least a million times, no one can actually give 110%…) I remember the first time I listened to “Blonde on Blonde” I almost had a anxiety attack. It was actually too much for me to take in in one sitting. I had to listen to it like I was listening to the vinyl version, I had to take a break after “Just Like a Woman” and come back to the second record in a bit (it’s a double album on vinyl, with side D being just the epic, 11+ minute opus “Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands.” Such a badass way to close it out).

After hearing all this, I knew I wanted to start writing. I still didn’t really play much music but I started writing poetry, very ripped-off-from-Dylan type poetry, aka shitty Dylan lyrics. I was basically repurposing his songs to try and say something about myself. I stole all the imagery, the “night watchmen” (from “Visions of Johanna”), “Sweet Marie” (from “Absolutely Sweet Marie”), “John the Baptist” and “Gypsy Davey” (from “Tombstone Blues”), the “Fortune Telling Lady” (from “Desolation Row”), and on and on. I probably thought I was being so clever, knowing most people didn’t know Dylan lyrics like the back of their hand. I remember getting some really good praise in my creative writing/poetry class, which probably wasn’t quite deserved looking back on it.

But, the most important thing was that I felt like I was finally communicating something to the outside world. I took offense to any and all critiques (like most teenagers do) because the words I wrote weren’t just words. Like most teenager’s poetry, it was me trying to express something I didn’t quite understand myself. But, instead of the typical Emily Dickinson style sadness, mine came out through “motorcycle black madonnas,” and “ceremonies of the horsemen.” I couldn’t understand or articulate when I was feeling anxious, sad, fearful, joyful, in love, etc., but I did know how I felt when I heard words like:

And Madonna, she still has not showed
We see this empty cage now corrode
Where her cape of the stage once had flowed
The fiddler, he now steps to the road
He writes ev'rything's been returned which was owed
On the back of the fish truck that loads
While my conscience explodes
The harmonicas play the skeleton keys and the rain
And these visions of Johanna are now all that remain

That I could feel. That made sense to me. Without knowing exactly what he was trying to say, I felt I understood this better than when my friends would tell me how they were feeling. That made no sense. I couldn’t figure out the simplicity of a 14 year old boy pining the loss of “the love of his life,” aka a 14 year old girl, but

Across the street they've nailed the curtains
They're getting ready for the feast
The Phantom of the Opera A perfect image of a priest
They're spoonfeeding Casanova
To get him to feel more assured
Then they'll kill him with self-confidence
After poisoning him with words
And the Phantom's shouting to skinny girls "Get Outa Here If You Don't Know
Casanova is just being punished for going To Desolation Row"

made perfect sense to my brain. I could feel that. I could empathize with those fictional characters. Those were not things I could do in real life. I remember times when I would get all teary at the end of “Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands.” That’s how impactful Dylan’s words were on me. Half (or more) of them seemingly made no sense but meant more to me than almost any real life words I could hear.

I think it’s pretty common for people’s art and culture intake to influence them in a very meaningful way because, especially when we’re younger, we don’t know how to feel what we’re feeling. Art gives us the ability to use someone else’s revelation to inform ourselves. Like a lot of things though, I feel this is ramped up in people with Asperger’s/autism, like me. Dylan allowed me a space to begin to feel things in a meaningful way. I had read other poetry and it just didn’t do what Dylan could do. Even though I started by just writing shitty, ripped off versions of Dylan lyrics, I knew that adding music would amplify this effect. I needed to finally learn how to play the damn guitar and Dylan was a great motivating factor in that. Shit, some of his early work would just have a few repetitive chords. I thought I could manage that. Springsteen was still a god, but there was no way I could pick up a guitar I could barely play and pen “Jungleland.” But, I could learn the G, C, D and Em chords and speak sing some (terrible) poetry over the top. That seemed achievable to me.

The Boss may have been the original reason I wanted to play music, but his music seemed like too lofty a goal. Where was I gonna find a pianist AND an organist AND a saxophone player in my tiny town of 3000 in rural Wisconsin? But, I did have that old acoustic guitar in the closet (a Harmony I bought out of the JcPenney’s catalog with the lawn mowing money I saved up) and bunches of this poetry just waiting for those few simple chords to really take ‘em to the next level. That I could do. So, I was off and running (well, stumbling and falling but getting back up again each time). I think I still have some recordings somewhere on old cassettes as I had a small recorder I used to carry around with me all the time. I wish I could post one for y’all but I don’t have anything to play cassettes with currently. You’d probably get a laugh at it so maybe I’ll hunt down an old boombox or something so I can post something someday.

But, Dylan eventually convinced me I had to move to New York City, which I’m also grateful for. Like I said, if Springsteen did it, then I needed to do it too. New York turned out to be my favorite place in the world and those were some of my happiest years. And I even got to play folk music at the Cafe Wha? with my good buddy Mr. Jon Fickes. Probably the first time folk music had been played there in like 40 years. It’s a funny story of how that happened but that’s for another day. There’s even proof of this:

Singer / Songwriter Bradley Wik performs with R.I.S.E. @ Cafe Wha. Monday May 19th 2008

I sort of regret, though not really, that I had decided to play everything in an alternate guitar tuning I barely knew how to use. I was really into Dylan’s “Blood on the Tracks” album at that time, which is my favorite album of his, and he used this open-D tuning on there, so I had to as well. I think I remember fucking up a few chords since I had just learned them like a week before this. But, you can hear me doing my best Bob Dylan impression with some very Bob Dylan influenced lyrics (see photo below). Enjoy!

For the record, the last Dylanesque song I ever wrote/recorded was on my first album (“Burn What You Can, Bury the Rest…”). If you somehow missed it, take a close listen to the lyrics of “She Will Never Return to Me” (video below) and you’ll hear references to painting “a silver ghost on a broken window sill,” ” “poets with bells in their shoes,” and other very Dylan-y type imagery.

"She Will Never Return to Me" from "Burn What You Can, Bury the Rest..." performed LIVE by Bradley Wik

Until next time… Keep a good head and always carry a lightbulb…

(dictated but not read)

The lyrics to the song, “The Undertaker’s Poem,” from the video above, typed out on my trusty Royal Quiet DeLuxe… — The lyrics to the song, “The Undertaker’s Poem,” from the video above, typed out on my trusty Royal Quiet DeLuxe…

What the fuck?! I'm in a video game! aka... Random shit I love... pt. I

May 7, 2020 Bradley Wik

Over the years, I’ve noticed a lot of people make a lot of assumptions about us musicians. For instance, they say:

We’re lazy. Which is both true and not true. Over the years, I’ve generally worked a regular 9-5 and then put in another 30 or so hours per week on music. Since I’ve gone full-time with music, it hasn’t gotten too much better. I don’t always get a ton accomplished as I tend to do a lot of things at once but it doesn’t mean I’m not working. Musicians are some of the hardest working people I’ve met. But, they also can be a bunch of lazy stoners, which brings me to the next point…
We’re all stoners. Look, have I smoked my fair share? Sure. But, I actually don’t smoke much these days as it really affects me weirdly which I think is due to the Asperger’s. It didn’t use to but I think that’s because weed is like fruit. The stuff that eventually makes its way to rural Wisconsin is just not as good as the stuff you get when you live in the state where it’s made. So, living in Portland, OR the last few years, it’s like a different species out there and it really kicked my ass. I hear Coke is better in Georgia too which further proves my theory.
We’re all liberal weirdos. Again, probably a majority are (I myself am a subscriber to that lefty, communist rag “The New York Times”) but it’s likely a minor majority. I’ve definitely met my fair share of musicians that tend to check the “Republican” box on election day. Just like “normal” people, musicians come in a wide array of colors.
We hate sports. Yes, most of the musicians I know don’t like sports so it’s a fair stereotype but, for me, it’s not true at all. I love sports. I’ve written about them many times on this blog over the years. Being from Wisconsin, I love the Brewers and my Packers (yes, I’m technically an owner because of their “stock” sales). I also root for the Bucks but, being from Wisconsin, basketball is thoroughly in third place on the pecking order. Which is a little weird seeing as the Bucks have brought home a championship and the Brewers have not (yet) but that’s the way it is. But, even in liking sports, there’s a few that are even further looked down upon. Which brings me to the random shit I love portion…

Random Shit I Love #1: NASCAR

This has an especially prescient meaning now that I’M IN A FUCKING NASCAR VIDEO GAME! Yep, you read that correctly. No, I didn’t suddenly become one of the best race car drivers in the world. I know, disappointing. But, my song “Let’s Go Out Tonight” is going to be featured in the upcoming NASCAR Heat 5 video game which comes out in July. It’s so fucking unbelievable that this is happening. I used to spend hours playing NASCAR video games, especially NASCAR RACING 99 (and that clip doesn’t even show the crazy advanced setup options that I’d spend hours tweaking like gear ratios, camber, weight distributions, etc.). I’d run real fucking seasons of that game, like legit racing 500 miles at Daytona, 600 at Charlotte, etc. I had a steering wheel and everything and would spend the three and half hours racing those 500 miles. That’s not to mention the practices, qualifying, etc. before each race. I was obsessed. I could spend hours just designing the car. Placing logos and decals until they were just right. So, to hear I will be in a NASCAR game is unreal.

I’m such a big fan of NASCAR that even my wife, Brianne, now has her favorite drivers (Chase Elliott, also my favorite, Brad Keselowski and Matt DiBenedetto) and her least favorite drives (Kyle Busch, Denny Hamlin and Joey Logano. Joey once got irritated with us during a music bingo night we were running/hosting. Weird but true story). We also pull for Ricky Stenhouse as we’ve met him a few times and even got to race go karts against him (we both lost badly). Though, I can’t say I love the new mullet he’s rocking even though I kind of do. Brianne does always fall asleep during the middle of races (something about the steady engine sounds puts her right to sleep) but she’s always ready for the beginning and end bits.

And even though I disagree, I get the “they only turn left” crowd. Brianne used to think I was an idiot for liking NASCAR until she finally watched some races and understood the amount of strategy, skill and not just-turning-left-all-the-time-ness of it. There’s so much that goes into it and one mistake, even a tiny one, can ruin your day. An entire raceweek can come down to a decision of whether to take two or four tires. It can be decided by a split-second choice to bump another driver out of the way and whether that move is done at the proper time or too early or late. It could be decided by the racer that starts behind you on a restart. There are also many races that are determined in the days leading up to the race by the mechanics and engineers. Or it could be decided by a faulty air gun. There’s so much that goes into it. I love it.

I am also that guy who roots against the wrecks. I always think of the months they spent preparing for the season and the entire week they devoted to getting the car as fast as possible, only to see it taken away in an instant by poor decision, slip of the steering wheel or through no fault of their own. I’m probably also a little sensitive to crashes seeing as I had back to back relatively minor car accidents that left me with a monthslong battle with the resulting concussions. Apparently, “getting your bell rung” so many times when I was kid playing sports was not a good idea and had long-term affects on my poor brain, or whatever is left of it at this point. But, I’d still play sports 100 times out of 100. Maybe next time I’d just stick with baseball and skip the football, though. Although maybe not. Pretty much all the life-advice I ever needed came from playing football. I can’t count the number of times I’ve told Brianne to “trust the process” or “take it one day at a time” or “you gotta overcome adversity” or any other of the things that have been ingrained in my being from my playing days. For the record, I played wide receiver and sort of a linebacker/safety hybrid. I also wasn’t very good. Good enough to start for our tiny 150 people per class school, but that’s about it. For some reason, catching baseballs came very naturally to me but catching footballs was never something I excelled at. I was… adequate. I strived for adequataquatulance (bonus points for anyone who gets this reference) in the football catching world.

But, back to NASCAR, I grew up a Rusty Wallace fan, moved on to being a Tony Stewart fan (we got witness, in person, Tony’s last Cup win in Sonoma a few years back and then spent 3 hours driving back to the hotel, which was only like 15 miles away, as there’s only 1 road in and out of that race track…) and am now a proud Chase Elliott fan. So, obviously I’m pumped to be on the soundtrack to a game which has my man Chase on the cover.

Random Shit I Love #2: WWE

Is the reason I do Facebook live shows on Thursday because wrestling is on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday? Probably. OK, yes. Honestly, before coronavirus times I didn’t watch wrestling religiously. I watched when I could but Mondays and Wednesdays were often band rehearsal nights or night I’d use for other music related things. Fridays were often show nights so I rarely watched me any Smackdown. But, now that I have more flexibility in scheduling (read: don’t really do shit most nights anymore), I rarely schedule things for those nights.

Just like NASCAR, I’ve been a fan of WWE since I was a little kid. From Macho Man Randy Savage and Hulk Hogan (yes, I had ONE OF THESE PILLOW THINGS) to Stone Cold Steve Austin and D-Generation X to now Seth Rollins, Asuka and the Man, Becky Lynch, I’ve always had my favorites. Although, it’s weird that these days I’ve started leaning towards the villains (or “heels”) more. Not sure what that’s about. But, I root for Set Rollins, Asuka, Bray Wyatt more than anyone else. Probably says something about me but who knows. There was a large portion of my life that I didn’t have cable so I couldn’t watch but now that I have cable again, I’m back, baby. I can’t wait for Money in the Bank this Sunday.

Growing up in the 90’s, I loved when the Rock (aka Rocky Maivia) was first getting going and was greeted by “Rocky Sucks” chants each time he would make an entrance. Seriously, can you imagine a time when Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson was a guy people hated? But, I was an insane fan of Stone Cold Steve Austin and D-Generation X. I don’t think there was a boy I knew back then that didn’t just walk around telling everyone to “suck it,” much to the chagrin of all the parents and teachers. At every party in High School, someone would eventually be drunk enough to do Austin’s signature beer smash/chug. Good times…

And no, wrestling is not fake. The injuries and the toll it takes on their bodies is real. Are the matches predetermined? Sure. But, so are the plot points of all your favorite TV shows. I love fake drama (which is why I need to catch up on the all musicians Bachelor season called “Listen to Your Heart”) and WWE delivers that in spades. Wrestling is like comfort food for me and allows my brain to turn off (something I struggle with like many of you out there). I need things that can shut down my brain or I’ll go crazy obsessing over every little thing. I’ve spent entire days doing nothing but having a meltdown in the old brainbox. Those are not fun days so I need things like wrestling in my life to help me cope (probably unhealthily) with that.

I also think I like wrestling because of it’s similarities to being a musician. These guys and gals are out there 3-5 nights a week grinding. It takes a lot of skill, hard work and luck to get anywhere in the industry. When you see them, they are usually presenting an amped up version of themselves. You have to struggle through long years of making little money to get anywhere. Many, unfortunately, deal with drug and/or alcohol issues. They’re overall performance on any given night is dependent on those around them. Those are all things I’m quite familiar with and are very analogous to being a musician.

Anyways, now you know a couple facts about ol’ Bradley that maybe you didn’t before. I’ll definitely be writing about other random shit like this in the near future, kinda like a get to know you during coronavirus. Or because these are the things that are slowly taking over my brain these days.

(dictated but not read)

Check out the Adobe and Teardrops podcast (I'm on it this week!)

May 4, 2020 Bradley Wik

Many thanks to Rachel over at Adobe and Teardrops for playing "i started killing myself years ago..." on the latest episode of her podcast (also called Adobe and Teardrops), which can be heard here: https://open.spotify.com/episode/0dnsEcL8yrsPTqzAPDUE8J…

or directly on the Adobe and Teardrops website (where you can find more new music, reviews, interviews, etc.) here: http://www.adobeandteardrops.com/…/adobe-teardrops-episode-…

Take a listen to the pod if you'd like to hear me (song is around the 38 minute mark, she talks about the song/EP a bit later) and some other great tunes.

Rachel has written some very kind words over the years about ol’ Bradley Wik, for which I’m very appreciative. For example, in talking about “Some Girls (Still Love Rock N’ Roll)” she wrote:

Bradley Wik's "Some Girls (Still Love Rock'n'Roll)" is a really excellent example of what I have controversially (apparently) called the Tragic Woman. As the song unfolds, Wik's deep empathy and understand for the character is evidently clear. The subject isn't a source of objectification or moralizing. Whether or not this woman is real, in the song she is a complex and fully realized human. Straight cis male singer-songwriters of the world, take note: this is how you write a song about a woman.

So, check out http://www.adobeandteardrops.com/ if, like me, you like to discover great new music. It can be hard to find the good stuff these days since there's so much music out there, so I'm glad there are people like Rachel who do the hard work of finding and curating good music for us.

adobe and teardrops pod screen shot.png — Click to go listen

New article/interview about music for depressed alcoholic autistic people!

May 1, 2020 Bradley Wik

Many thanks to Shannon and Encore for writing about the new record and helping me spread the word on Autism Awareness. I know April is over, but that doesn’t mean Autism and Asperger’s don’t matter as much anymore. I want all year to be Autism Awareness. I also want to say a few things that I’ll keep repeating until I’m blue in the face:

I believe my Asperger’s to be a positive in my life. My Asperger’s has allowed me to do the things I’ve wanted to do like live in different cities all over the country, make music and release albums, solve a Sunday New York Times Crossword puzzle in under 25 minutes; you know, all the stuff people want to do but usually don’t or can’t. I honestly believe I would have given up playing music by now if it wasn’t for the Asperger’s. You can read more about why I think Asperger’s can be a good thing HERE.
There are lots of people who have Asperger’s/Autism but may be unaware. For the first 25 years of my life, I didn’t know I had it either. I was a pain in the ass when I was a kid, didn’t know how much it affected my relationships, my views of the world and how I processed, or rather, didn’t process so many events, emotions, etc. I’m not saying finding out suddenly cured anything, but it’s easier for my wife and I to see when I’m doing something too “Asperger’s-y” and need to reassess my actions, words, etc. Just having some understanding around it has changed a lot for me. I hope all the people out there who are struggling like I did can find a voice (maybe even mine) who can help them, and those around them, start to understand their thoughts, words, actions, etc. a little better. It’ll make a huge difference, trust me.
If you are struggling and/or think you maybe be on the spectrum, please, please, please know that you are not broken and you’re not alone. I know it may feel like it. That’s how I felt for so long. I didn’t act, react or think like other people did, so I thought I was damaged. But, I wasn’t. I just needed to know why.
To point #2, I’m so grateful I found the Man vs. Radio podcast whose host, Christian James Hand, was so open in talking about his own Asperger’s. He said so many things I’d never heard someone articulate before, and that I couldn’t articulate about myself. He made it seem more “normal” by talking about it so bluntly and without judgement. He talked about having Asperger’s like it was no different than having a tattoo. It was just something he had that was a part of him. Everything I’d ever heard about it was that it was some crippling disability. People with Autism couldn’t go to the same schools or play sports or hold down jobs, etc. We need to stop making Asperger’s/Autism so negative that people won’t want to find out whether or not they have it, or their kids have it, or whomever might have it. People will not want to be associated with Autism until they stop thinking about it like it’s fucking leprosy.

I also say all of this fully recognizing that I am not as far out on the spectrum as others. I’ve seen the struggle parents go through (from both my own experience and in neighbors, friends, etc.) when they care for a child with Asperger’s/Autism. It’s not easy. Those mothers and fathers are saints.

Anyhow, I was talking about the article/interview. So, here it is. Click below to be magically whisked away, across the vast internet to lands hitherto unknown. Or, just click on the picture below to read the damn article.

Encore Pub Interview - Bradley Wik.png — Click to read the article/interview

Random Thoughts with an Asperger's... aka... Melissa Villasenor (again), SNL idiocy, Coronavirus, and a couple TV show recommendations

April 29, 2020 Bradley Wik

OK, I’m finally done talking about the latest record “music for depressed alcoholic autistic people” for at least a day or so. But, if you haven’t heard it for some reason, please do by CLICKING HERE. If it peaks your interest, go back to any of the past five blogs I’ve written about it and the four songs on it. But, again, I’m not talking about it anymore…

So, what will I be talking about then? Good question. The answer is complicated as I don’t think I can distill it down any more than to say: about a bunch of random shit. That’s right! It’s another edition of “random shit with an Asperger’s.” I suggest drinking/smoking your way through this as it might make more sense. I, myself, am on my third Tennessee whiskey. I know what you’re thinking, Tennessee whiskey? Thought you were a bourbon man. I am but George Dickel was on sale and I can’t say no to some Dickel, if you know what I mean. And by that I mean that I’m a poor musician who isn’t currently making any money and only buys whatever is on sale when he can afford to buy any whiskey/bourbon at all. Nothing like getting drunk on some Dickel during “random shit with an Asperger’s.”

Random Thought #1: Melissa Villasenor, again

Aficionados of this blog know my disdain for SNL’s misuse/non-use of Melissa, as evidenced by another random thought blog which can be found HERE. And, since I’ve already re-watched all of “The Mighty Boosh,” I needed something else to occupy my time. Well, Melissa’s YouTube channel is doing the trick. You can find standup, weird, random videos and all the impressions SNL should be using but for some reason isn’t. Hell, I finally learned there are actual words to the Bon Iver song “Skinny Love” BECAUSE OF MELISSA’S COVER. She may not be the most accomplished guitar player but fuck can she sing, which we already knew because of her CHRISTINA AGUILERA IMPRESSIONS. But, have you seen HER FAVORITE IMPRESSIONS? I fucking love this shit and could/have watched these for hours. If you haven’t watched her “Daily Itineraries” series, and I suspect you haven’t, you should start HERE or HERE. But, before my wife gets jealous of my constantly talking about Melissa, let’s move on to random thought #2. Well, not before we appreciate THIS SHIT. You even tried to sing along to an MJ song? Nothing makes you question your own singing abilities more. OK, I’m done..

Random Thought #2: The two worst things Phil Collins has done

Speaking of great singers, Phil is criminally underrated. Try singing along to your favorite Genesis/Phil tune and you’ll see what I mean. Dude can wail. BUT, he also made some weird choices over the years like allowing THIS SONG to make it onto a record, umm (we don’t know…). And choosing to do whatever the fuck happens at around the 2:15 in MAMA. I’m talking about that “Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha, eowww” thing. Cocaine is a hell of drug… Though, in his defense, I listen to “Who Dunnit?” at least once a month and I say “Ha ha ha, eowww” so much that my wife cringes the second she hears me say the word “ha” these days. So, maybe it’s not that bad. I guess I kinda like both those things so… I mean there’s actually some songs he’s done that are kinda boring. Not bad but just not brilliant. But, “Who Dunnit?” and that weird cackle thing in “Mama” are definitely my favorite Collins “lowlights,” if you can even call them that seeing as I constantly quote them.

Random Thought #3: The Big Show Show is really fucking funny

As a wrestling/WWE fan, I figured I’d give the “Big Show Show” a day in court. They kept pumping it after Raw and Smackdown, so I thought “how bad could it be?” Turns out, not bad at all. Is it “Bless This Mess” or “What We Do in the Shadows" (my favorite newish/New Zealand-new shows)? No, but it’s a silly, clever, and doesn’t take itself serious at all type show, which I can get behind. It may not be destined for infinite rewatchability like Seinfeld, I Love Lucy or Chappelle’s Show but it can definitely help pass a few hours (there’s only eight episodes) if you’re bored after rewatching “Making a Murderer” for the 11th time, like I was. The littlest daughter in “The Big Show Show” is worth the price of admission herself. I can’t wait to see what she does with her comedy future… Or even just more episodes of this show, hopefully.

Random Thought #4: Is staying home really that bad?

No one is thrilled to be at home all day, every day (although my cat, Lovey, is thrilled that both her people are always around these days). But, is it really that bad? I get that I’m lucky in that I’m an introvert, so I don’t mind staying home in general, and I’m married, so I’m not alone right now. But, I can’t honestly say it’s a big sacrifice or anything that I’m making. Although, it’s nobody’s idea of fun, there are literally tens of thousands of people dying and many more suffering through the horrible lack of oxygen, pain, etc. while our health care workers are over-worked, under-protected, and also mentally/emotionally stretched thinner than phyllo dough. Not to mention the grocery store workers risking their own health, the restaurant workers and delivery drivers who interact with people daily, and all the food production workers who still punch in every day. Then, take into account that likely half, or more, of all those workers don’t even have health insurance (yes, including those working in the health industry) to protect themselves should they become ill. I know, 80-90% of all who get infected show mild or no symptoms, but there’s still that random percentage of children and young adults who are dying for unknown reasons. If all I have to do is stay home to possibly not infect and kill someone else, that seems like a pretty good deal for all of us. Look, I want to get back to playing shows, eating/drinking at my favorite spots, seeing friends in person again, etc. just as much as anyone, literally my livelihood/income depend on it, but on the off chance I have the virus and pass it along to someone just because I want to go get tacos and a beer, I don’t know if I could forgive myself. I look at it the same way as how I wouldn’t drive home drunk on the off chance I might crash into and murder someone. It’s very similar. It’s rarely the drunk driver who dies, but it puts others on the road around them at risk. Someone could be accidentally killed through no fault of their own. The virus doesn’t give a fuck about our plans or how much we miss our former lives. It just wants to infect as many people as possible. I’m young, healthy and probably not at risk for any serious issues (in fact, I may have already had the virus as I had a good chunk of the symptoms back in February, stayed home for a bit and recovered pretty quickly) but I’m not staying home to protect me. It’s to protect those who are at risk, or may be randomly selected by the virus for the worst of it. Who knows. But, I really don’t want to hear much more complaining about how bad we have it when people are dying and the people trying to save them are risking their own physical/mental/emotional health.

Random Thought #5: Tracy Morgan was also criminally underused on SNL

I wanted to post a few clips of Astronaut Jones, my favorite of all Tracy’s sketches, but came up empty. Sure, I could find the Woodrow clip we all remember (HERE). And, it seems Brian Fellow’s Safari Planet has become the only well-represented Morgan material (SEE HERE). And sure, if you haven’t seen those, please enjoy the recommendation as they’re funny as shit. And I also know he didn’t get a lot of featured sketches to begin with, but really? Not one Astronaut Jones skit on YouTube aside from a half one where someone videotaped their TV while they were watching. C’mon internet. I need me some inappropriate “space booty” comments. Somebody find that shit and let me know where it’s hiding. I got time to kill and a need for “fun and adventure. Yes, I said adventure.”

Random Thought #6: If you haven’t watched Nailed it! yet, then just fucking do it

This is one of the most outrageously, laugh out loud funny shows I’ve ever seen. Brianne and I constantly reference it to each other. We’ve also had to put a refrain on watching it during eating meals because of the we-might-accidentally-spit-out-our-food-laughing-factor. Will every episode have you making noises you’ve never made before while laughing so hard you might bruise your ribs? Probably not, but some will (at least they did for me. I’ve literally woken up with sore ribs after a few episodes) and it’s always worth it to find out. If you don’t know what it is, just watch it and find out. That’s all I’m gonna say.

Random Thought #7: I have something in common with a Ghostbuster?!

OK, it might not be quite as cool as it sounds, but I did recently run across THIS SHORT CLIP (gotta find that interview they referenced to listen to in full) where Dan Aykroyd (himself either the 2nd or 3rd greatest SNL cast member ever behind Will Ferrell, #1, and then it’s a pick-em with Dan and Phil Hartman, in my opinion) revealed his Asperger’s diagnosis. So, no, I don’t “do science” (that reference is for the keen observers of “Nailed It”) like Dr. Stantz but I do have Asperger’s; so I got that going for me, which is nice. Just don’t expect my help in exploding any giant marshmallows… I leave that shit for them scientists.

Random Thought #8: Nope, that’s it for now

Now that we’re officially 5 drinks in, and it’s 1am, it’s time for me to go watch the latest episode of “What We Do in the Shadows” and get tired enough to fall asleep. So, I’ll bid you adieu. I’ll be back sooner than later these days, so stay tuned for more info. I got some things I’m cooking up behind the scenes that should hopefully be ready to put out soon.

(dictated but not read)

Track #4 - what are we supposed to do now that we've wasted our youth?

April 24, 2020 Bradley Wik

OK folks, here is the final blog about this record. I promise I won’t keep talking about it. Well, I will but it won’t be the only thing I talk about. There’s a lot going on these days in ol’ Bradley Wik’s head, especially since there isn’t a lot going on anywhere else. Hell, this might not even be the only EP I record during these coronavirus times. Not announcing anything yet, but we’ll see. Not playing shows and not leaving the house is starting to wear on me. Like all of you, I’m starting to go stir crazy but if staying home is the worst this gets for me, I’ll feel pretty damn good about that. Besides, I found one of my new favorite TV shows (“What We Do in the Shadows”) and am finally catching up on another (“Killing Eve”). So, swings and roundabouts. Also, I made a delicious chicken and artichokes with cream sauce the other night, so yay for getting creative in the kitchen. Wait, what the hell am I talking about? Oh yeah, music. Read below, I’m tired…

“what are we supposed to do now that we’ve wasted our youth?”

we traded our bodies for stories

that we could tell our friends

every night might have been a journey

but we always knew just how it would end

what are we supposed to do now that we’ve wasted our youth?

there’s no need for goodbyes

we never really met

moments of truth flashed in your eyes

but we both knew better than to believe any words we said

what are we supposed to do now that we’ve wasted our youth?

there was no great reward

no revelations to find

so we poisoned our bodies

to forget the best years of our lives

what are we supposed to do now that we’ve wasted our youth?

Music Notes:

The longest song on this record still only has like ⅓ the amount of lyrics as a typical song of mine. This song is last on the album but was the first song written for the record. Some of the parts on this song were recorded two years ago. As this song is the final piece, it had to be grand enough to close the record but still be intimate and ruminative amongst the chaos. This noise (which can happen when you combine too much alcohol and Meniere’s disease. Meniere’s, which I have, is an inner ear disorder which can cause hearing loss, vertigo, tinnitus, nausea depending on the severity of the attack. This type of noise would come from a really bad one...), though it still contains various melodies, is a type of sound bed (if that makes sense) that I’ve long wanted to build upon. I weaved together up to 5 different melodies/harmonies at one point to create the foundation for this song. I also wanted to put myself and the simple, plaintive beauty of the song at odds with the noise. It’s why the vocal and guitar are recorded together through one mic. I did this for each song, to present myself alone, fighting against the music/chaos/noise coming from my own head and/or the outside world, which my Asperger’s wouldn’t allow me to be a part of. I’m always on the outside looking in. Recording that way makes it a little harder, but it was the only way I could get it to sound how I wanted it. I want you to feel like you are sitting across from me as I sing. You don't hear guitars and vocals separately in real life, you hear them all together. If you focus solely on the guitar/vocal in this song, at least for me, it’s almost like those old Magic Eye books where the chaos slowly disappears and the picture comes into focus. There’s beauty in the struggle. Sometimes, at least.

Anyways, a whole record like this song would be tough to swallow and would lessen the effect. A couple of the other tracks (and one of the tracks that did not make the cut for this record) had a similar sound/noise which I removed. It didn’t build the record the way the songs should, culminating with the beautiful chaos of this song. The record, as alcohol is referenced in the title, is supposed to simulate getting fucked up throughout. The first song has little accompaniment and sounds very clean and open. The second song has a bigger sound, let’s say this is after two drinks, and a driving energy. The sound is full and constant. Things are feeling good at this point. You needed a couple to really get things going. The third song, we’ll say after four or five drinks, is a bit more sparse. It still has a good rhythm but you’re starting to go down into the backside of the night. You alternate between getting quiet and yell-talking to people. The alcohol is starting to make that turn from fun to making you sad. You’re glad your friends are still out and you tell them how much they mean to you. The last song is the end of the night, however many drinks is way too many for you. It is meant to sound chaotic, ears buzzing from the alcohol and the noise (and the Meniere’s, if you’re like me), vision blurred after stumbling home. It’s quiet in your lonely apartment but it’s not quiet in your head. You’re at that sentimental, way-too-drunk part of the night and you wonder why you do this to yourself all the time. You don’t want to anymore but you know you still will. You have one more, why not at this point, and put on some music to fall asleep to. You know the words by heart but it sounds all distorted and angry. It doesn’t matter, the alcohol has taken over and your eyes get heavy. There’s a strange comfort in this moment, as the music softly fades while you slowly fade off to sleep.

Story Notes:

As I mentioned above, this song was the first one written for this record and contains all the themes I would explore throughout the other three songs. Thematically/lyrically, I wanted to build towards this one so I told smaller, vignette-like stories in some of the other songs. They all collide in these 4 minutes and 44 seconds (4 is my favorite number thanks to Brett Favre, but it actually is coincidental that this album ended with a song that was 4:44. I always close my eyes when I mark the fade outs and that’s just where it landed. That there are 4 songs on this record is also coincidental. I started with 6 and narrowed it down based on fit, function and story. The way I put together records is very intentional. Each song has to have a purpose, move the story forward and fit sonically into what I’m trying to achieve. I could talk about my reasons/theories behind putting albums together for hours but this is about this song and this parenthetical notation is already too long…). This song is meant to sort of reflect on the events of the prior three songs. Both the song and the title are the longest on the record. As in a lot of my songs, there is no conclusion to this song, it’s just an open ended, semi-rhetorical question. Life doesn’t often offer closure, and rarely offers guidance. And when I was going through the thick of what made its way into these songs, I wouldn’t have heeded any advice anyways. All I wanted was to be understood and not feel alone. I wanted to know I wasn’t alone in wasting so many of my “good” years. It’s a very specific brand of hopelessness that you feel when you're 24 years old. You’re ostensibly too young to feel hopeless and that makes it all the worse. It’s a weird cycle to get into and a very hard one to get out of, since you feel like shit all the time. “What’s the point? You’re a stupid piece of shit anyways…” is what you tell yourself every day. And, part of you feels like Rob in High Fidelity, “it’s brilliant, being depressed; you can behave as badly as you like.” Which is terrible advice as that just feeds back into the whole monster once again.

There’s also a lot of Asperger’s in this song. In addition to the hopelessness and apathy, there’s the distinct notion that this is all temporary and it’s best to save our emotions for another adventure. I remember having this feeling more than a couple times throughout my life. I can’t speak for the other person in the “relationship” but I would venture to guess they felt the same based on their actions. Having Asperger’s, I was never really the Tinder meet up-type. I felt more at home in comfort/routine of long term relationships so it was hard for me to pretend I cared much about these types of things. I sort of fell backwards into these sexual interactions being the (cliched) hard-partying-and-troubled-but-with-a-sensitive-side singer of a Rock N’ Roll band. Although, I seriously doubt many found my shenanigans charming once the hangover hit the next morning. Sometimes, it didn’t even take that long. I have a pretty clear memory (surprising for that time in my life) of sitting in a hot tub next to a girl who went on and on about how much she hated the awful guy who was the singer from the band they saw earlier, too drunk to realize that was me. I listened, got up, left, and thought it was funny at the time, not realizing how much of a dick I had become. I think some people are attracted to that don’t-give-a-fuck mentality (which was sometimes the Asperger’s and sometimes me just being an asshole) but, unfortunately for me, that just made me not care even more, even about myself. I don’t really regret any of it (I don’t feel like wasting energy on things I can’t change), but I definitely could have been kinder to myself, my liver and those around me during that time, that’s for sure.

You see, I’ve always sort of had that writer’s spirit and wanted to dive in headfirst to most things in life. I came to rethink that years later after realizing that was also a great way to drink away your depression for as long as possible before blowing your head off with a shotgun. There was nothing to be gained from diving into drinking, drugs and depression. But, I was young and thought it might be “cool.” I wanted the scars, and I got ‘em. Both literally and figuratively. Making this record has been kind of tough on me as I’ve had to revisit this older version of myself. I had to climb back into this fucked up brain. I had to picture myself going through these things all over again. Once the songs were done, I could use my Asperger’s to just tell myself it was another person, a different chapter, it’s not me anymore and all that, but while I was writing and recording, I had to live in that world. I had to be them once again.

While I was beginning to mix the record, I noticed an issue and was going to have to re-record one of the guitar/vocal parts (since, as I mentioned, they were recorded together). Redoing a synth part, no problem, just focus on the task at hand, hit the right notes and get it done. But, the vocals require performance. I have to feel everything (and sing/play guitar to a click track since the synths were programmed/played right, or very close to, on time, also not my favorite). Since mentally I thought I was done tracking, I almost had an anxiety attack and shut down for an entire day. I just did crossword puzzles and compulsively read about coronavirus. I didn’t want to do it. I felt sick to my stomach. I didn’t want to sing anymore. Obviously, I did it and it all turned out alright, but that’s what it was like making this record.

So, if what you’ve read about above has interested you and you’d like to purchase/donate to the cause, there are a few options:

Go to https://bradleywik.bandcamp.com/. You can stream the record for free or purchase (hint: you can also donate a little extra past the $4, if you like)
As I know these are trying times and people could use some entertainment, you can also download the record for FREE (CLICK HERE to access the google drive link with mp3’s of the record) with optional donation to: https://www.paypal.me/bradleywik

-30-

music for depressed alcoholic autistic people - Album Cover (LOW RES) - Bradley Wik.png

Track #3 - we are not alone

April 20, 2020 Bradley Wik

Happy Monday! Well, at least as happy as Monday’s can be these days. Never anyone’s favorite day before, they somehow found a way to be even shittier. So, I guess I take that back and will just say “Fucking Mondays...” But, here is a new post about the song “we are not alone” from my recently released 4 song EP entitled “music for depressed alcoholic autistic people.” If you’re new to the blog, I've been writing about each song off the new record (I also wrote about the record as a whole and why I made it, which you can READ HERE. Spoiler: it’s because I’m a depressed, sometimes alcoholic person who has Asperger’s… But, there is so much more to it, so read it. Also, I’m still not sure why it felt better to write it all lowercase but it did. I have talked to a couple other Asperger’s people and they also have an affinity for lowercase typing, while subsequently hand writing in all uppercase letters like an engineer. I don’t get it either but that’s the way it goes…) . This record has been the most rewarding, challenging, fun yet hardest to listen to project I’ve ever worked on. As I mentioned in the aforementioned blog about the entire record, it’s the only project I’ve made that I still listen to. Again, it’s only been finished for about three weeks, so we’ll see if that development continues, but usually I make it about a week. It’s also the only thing that I’ve done completely by myself, so it literally sounds (almost) exactly how I want it to. Normally, I like to do as little as possible with my records once they’ve been recorded. I’m super hands on when creating, arranging, etc. but once it’s on tape (literally on tape with “In My Youth, I’m Getting Old…”) I try to be as hands off as possible. I never wanted to make myself crazy obsessing over the smallest details until I break my hand punching a wall Tom Petty-style (true story, look it up). I try and let the people I’m paying do their thing and usually only offer one piece of advice, often to my dismay as my singing abilities are limited, especially when recording live takes, which is “turn the vocal up a bit.” Probably should have avoided that on the last album, but when final mix approval comes down to the singer, that’s what you’re gonna get…

Also, if you haven’t checked out one of the Facebook live shows (every Thursday at 8pm EST at: https://www.facebook.com/BradleyWikMusic/), you should. This week’s topic (all shows feature live performances plus a deep dive into a topic related to my music) is: how Asperger’s affects my songwriting and storytelling. Also, to do even more online shows, I have signed up for Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/bradleywikmusic/ or search @bradleywikmusic or however the fuck that works) as some venues are hosting online shows via Instagram live. I know, it’s fucking weird to see ol’ Bradley on the social medias but these are fucking weird times we live in and I hate not performing. So, even if it’s to my limited online audience, as the Facebook and Instagram are still new to me, I’d rather be on there playing than not. I’ll probably also be popping on to make some (not) funny jokes, some (actually good) music recommendations, amongst other things.

But, enough of that shit, let’s listen to and talk about some depressing ass music!

“we are not alone”

“wait” was the last word i heard you say

before i locked the door and walked away

i drank til i was numb

that’s when i felt the blood

“love” is just a broken word for both of us

and “hope” was just never quite enough

i drank til i was numb

that’s when i felt the blood

i can’t tell if i am real

this is the only thing i can feel

but i am not alone

you are not alone

we are not alone

we are not alone…

Music Notes:

This song, to me, always sounded like a depressed people’s anthem so I wanted the production to follow that line of thinking. I just loved the idea of a crowd full of people screaming “we are not alone” at full throat. Although, that line does always make me think of the movie “Airheads” with Adam Sandler, Steve Buscemi and Brendan Fraser. In the movie, their band name is “the Lone Rangers.” After they break into a radio station demanding they get some airplay, the DJ makes fun of them for pluralizing “the Lone Ranger.” They can’t be “lone” if there’s more than one. Maybe “we” can’t technically be alone but I know there are people out there who feel alone and don’t know that there are so many other people feeling the exact same things they are. We are together in our alone-ness, and even more so these days. I wanted this song to be one that people would play for and with each other, so I wanted to make this one a little more “fun” to listen to. Or, at least more “fun” than your typical song about depersonalization. I wanted it to have a sort of groove, which is why it has a very steady bass line and the “snare” on the 2’s and 4’s the entire song. When I play it live, I usually play it quicker and a little more manic, with the tempo and volume shifting as I feel that night. But here, it felt better to be a little more steady and something you could nod your head to. Or dance to, if you’re a little masochistic, like me.

Story Notes:

So, here’s the-grocery-store-was-closed-so-I-had-to-stab-my-arms-to-know-that-I-was-real-song. What? I know… Here’s a little more context.

I’ve read a few articles recently which finally connected some dots for me. Medication has always been a strange thing for me. It never seems to do the thing it’s supposed to do. Now, I know that is likely caused by my Asperger’s, which makes sense. My brain is not wired the same as most people’s, so it makes sense that chemicals would also affect me in different ways as well. When my Meniere’s Disease (an inner-ear disorder affecting hearing, balance, vision, etc.) was first starting to get bad, I was traveling and at a hotel about four hours from home. After a sleepless night, I finally made my way to an urgent care. They looked at me for about three minutes and determined (guessed, don’t even get me started on how much doctors have fucked me up over the years… Thank you for not getting me started…) it was bad congestion, possible ear infection. They prescribed Robitussin for the congestion and seasick patches to help with the dizziness and nausea. I put one of the patches on and within about twenty minutes the vertigo was beginning to subside. Not completely, but to the point where I could actually suck down some Gatorade and eat a few pieces of peanut butter bread. About an hour later I was starting to fall asleep. Awesome, I hadn’t slept for about 40 hours so this was good. I took out my contacts, laid down and grabbed my phone. BUT, I soon realized I had lost my near-sightedness. When my phone was within six inches of my face, I couldn’t read a thing; which was terrifying. You see, I’m near-sighted. I wear contacts because I usually can’t read anything that’s six inches or more from my face. I put my glasses on, no change. I ripped the patch off and about three or four hours later my vision returned. I checked the box, no mention of loss of vision as a side effect. They also stuck me on blood pressure pills to lower the blood flow to the ear so it wouldn’t trap fluid so the congestion could dissipate. These pills also caused some very strange side effects not listed on the packaging so I stopped taking all the medication. The problem turned out to be nerve related and some chiropractic work has mostly gotten rid of the issue. Since I have Asperger’s, I’ve learned I should take the doctor’s advice and then do the opposite. That usually works best. I wish that was a joke, but it’s not. I literally do the opposite of whatever they say and that is always what provides me the best relief. Fucking Asperger’s…

So, why am I telling you all this? What the hell does Meniere’s medication have to do with “we are not alone?”

Well, be patient, young padawan, and I’ll tell you. Early in my life, around age 14, I found out that pain medication didn’t affect me in the right way. I didn’t know why yet, but I was well aware it wasn’t quite right. When I went to get my wisdom teeth removed, it took a small horse’s amount of gas to knock me out (I kept rambling about baseball, they tell me). Afterwards, they gave me some vicodin or something similar for the pain. I’d wake up in pain, take a couple pills, then feel sick to my stomach, and still be in the same amount of pain as before. But slowly over the next thirty minutes, I’d realize that even though I still felt the pain acutely, I didn’t care as much. It started to feel like it wasn’t my pain anymore. I didn’t like it so I stopped taking the pills.

Years later, I found out it was true that taking those vicodins (and many other prescription-grade pain pills) with alcohol increased that effect greatly. Take a couple pills with a bottle of wine, and voila, all my physical and mental pain was no longer mine. I was free, unburdened. The problem, of course, is two pills and a bottle of wine turns into two bottles of wine and four or five pills. Which turns into three and six or eight. Suddenly, not only am I not “feeling” my pain and misery, I’m not feeling anything. Some nights, I would sit alone in my apartment and try and figure out whether or not I was actually still real. This is when the depersonalization would kick in. At first, it felt as though my brain was watching my physical body on those lonely nights. My thoughts, feelings, and other cognitive skills were retreating from the physical world but I was still aware of my actual presence. As it progressed, I felt my body slowly disappear as well and suddenly I wasn’t alone in my apartment at all. I wasn’t anything. I was only my thoughts. I felt as if I could go anywhere and do anything. My thoughts alone could take me into other people’s thoughts, where they were usually saying terrible things about me. I heard people say they wish I would give up pretending I could play music, my life was a such fucking waste, that I’m a stupid piece of shit who’s ruining their lives, that I should just hurry up and die already.

Obviously, I doubt I could travel into and through people’s inner thoughts. Likely, those were just my inner voices telling me those things. But, when this would start up, I’d realize I could just go confirm my existence and then I’d start to calm down. I usually did this by going to the grocery store that was a block away from my apartment. I’d go buy a loaf of bread, a bottle of wine and some cheese (I am from Wisconsin, after all…), someone would acknowledge me at the store, ask me if I needed help (I was usually pretty fucked up at this point so I probably looked like I did, in more ways than one) and then I’d head home assured to live another day as a normal, regular old human.

But, one night, and I don’t remember why, I started my night-before-a-day-off drinking routine (which was much more involved than the normal work night routine) a little later. So, by the time I hit that point in the night, the grocery store was already closed. Panicked, I walked to the bodega down the street. Also closed. Not much is open at 2am on a Sunday night (I guess, Monday morning). I returned home, having seen no one on the street. Back at the apartment, I tried to pinch myself. You pinch yourself and you wake up, right? Well, not after wine and pain pills. I punched myself. Better, but not quite enough to jolt me out of this state. So, I resorted to stronger measures…

Someone I used to know would get tattoos to cover up the scars. Mine aren’t nearly as bad, most of the time you can’t really see them; it was just a pocket knife, after all. I actually have another one right next to them which looks similar that I got when I worked at the paint store. I was pulling out some five gallon buckets from under a shelf, didn’t realize the screw holding the shelf together was sticking out the bottom end which ripped a good one into my arm. I thought about covering them up but, most of the time, I’m glad they’re there. Sometimes, I need the reminder.

Another sidenote: I actually smashed the phone I had during this time. I didn’t do it on purpose (well, I did but not to destroy it. I was just mad about something unrelated), but I know that subconsciously I didn’t want any more reminders. Sure, there are nights I’d be interested to go back through the photos and see what life looked like back then. But, I know that would be stupid. It’s over for a reason and I’m glad it is. The memories are more than enough… These songs are more than enough…

So, if what you’ve read about above has interested you and you’d like to purchase/donate to the cause, there are a few options:

Go to https://bradleywik.bandcamp.com/. You can stream for free or purchase (hint: you can also donate a little extra past the $4, if you like)
As I know these are trying times and people could use some entertainment, you can also download the record for FREE (CLICK HERE to access the google drive link with mp3’s of the record) with optional donation to: https://www.paypal.me/bradleywik

Thanks for reading and listening. I’ll be back soon with more info on track #4 - “what are we supposed to do now that we’ve wasted our youth?”

-30-

music for depressed alcoholic autistic people - Album Cover - Bradley Wik.png

Track #2 - the promise (please don't die tonight)

April 17, 2020 Bradley Wik

As a reminder, every Thursday (for the foreseeable, quarantined future) at 8pm EST, I will be going LIVE on Facebook to play music, talk, and deep dive into various topics like how/why I write songs (up on replay now), how Asperger’s affects my songwriting and storytelling (next week, on 4/23), how to write a Rock N’ Roll song like Bradley Wik, and more. Go follow the Facebook page, or however that works, at: https://www.facebook.com/BradleyWikMusic/

I’ll also be doing some music recommendations and other short videos on there. So, if you’d like that, be sure to follow along. There also may be a video series about songwriting in the not too distant future… Stay tuned.

But, today, I would like to introduce track #2 - the promise (please don’t die tonight). Below is a short synopsis (trust me, I could write way more if you’d like but I think the below covers it pretty well), of that song. I wrote about the recording/production and about why it’s on this album. The story behind it, if you were. I know, I’ve said a few times I’m not really interested in back story but I thought some context might be helpful. Again, I don’t want people to think I’m writing depressing, fucked up stories to sound “cool” but to expose how stupid and asshole-y I was back in the day (I’ve gotten way better, though not totally “better.” Sort of like that episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm with Larry and the acupuncturist. Better, but not “better.”). It’s one of the things I really wanted to do with this record, make sure that I don’t try to abdicate responsibility for my actions. Depression, drugs, alcohol, etc. don’t exempt you from blame and I try to allow myself to be the villain of my own piece with these songs. “I started killing myself…,” “I drank til I was numb…,” “WE were too fucked up to care…,” “What are WE gonna do now that WE’VE wasted OUR youth?,” “WE poisoned OUR bodies…,” etc. It’s either my fault or at worst there was someone joining me. I never wanted to blame anyone for my stupid actions. At best, I was aided and abetted but no one forced me to do stupid, shitty things; I chose to. My hope is that after hearing these tunes, people might choose not to do shitty things to each other…

Also, just random note: this song is the exact same length as “i started killing myself years ago…” Not sure how that happens, but it did. I initially thought I had mislabeled the file since it was exactly the same size so I panicked after I uploaded it to BANDCAMP. But, just another weird thing that happened with this album.

Anyways, enough of my blathering. On to the song!

“the promise (please don’t die tonight)”

“i might love you” she said, with tears in her eyes

“so, promise me that you won’t die tonight”

Music Notes:

This song is so basic in both structure and story that I really wanted to keep it that way so nothing would overpower the simple yet powerful message. Everything in this song is super repetitive (that’s the Asperger’s in me) and I love it. I wanted to make it sort of trance-y to really let you live in the world for a bit. It’s a very full, rich sounding song. There’s very few gaps in the frequencies on the instrumentation so that the song will fully envelope your senses. I always try to break my songs down into highs, mids and lows and see what’s filling out those spaces. Normally, that was lead guitar in the highs, snare/toms and rhythm guitars in the mids, kick drum and bass in the lows. It’s so different for this type of music and it was fun to play around with a totally different sound palette. Adding in highs, like the harmonica, make the song feel like it’s opening up into something grander. Taking away bass makes it feel less intense. Removing some mid frequency parts make it feel more naked and like it’s missing something if you’d like to build anticipation. There’s so much more I can do in this realm, which was very overwhelming at first but eventually helped me get to where I wanted to be with these songs.

I tried to make this song fairly driving in the rhythms and production to simulate how it would sound to hear these words while being under the influence. You know, that sort of tunnel-vision, fuzzy-sounding thing that happens after a few too many where sounds sort of overwhelm your senses. And there was probably more to the story and more words that were spoken but the only ones to cut through the din were those two, simple lines. The rest drowned out in your drunkenness, exemplifying the immediacy of those words.

I actually considered making this song just the one verse which was like a minute and a half long and just leaving it at that, but that didn’t feel as impactful somehow. Made it feel more like a vignette than a story. It felt unfinished, which sort of makes sense given the context, but I wasn’t sold. It’s almost as if I was too drunk to understand the words the first time so I needed them repeated so I’d remember them. So, you get second verse same as the first.

Story Notes:

So, after the first song (“i started killing myself years ago…”), this felt like the most logical continuation of the story. The songs weren’t written too far apart, maybe a week or so, and the same characters and thoughts were likely occupying my mind. In the first song, the characters were “too fucked up to care,” but here is the introduction of the female character which would reappear in “what are we supposed to do now that we’ve wasted our youth?” She did care (at least a little), though I still did not. And, by not caring about myself, it meant I didn’t care about her since she was invested enough in me to at least care whether I lived or died. Wow, what a great couple. That’s true romance...

But, these are words I’ve heard before, in various forms, over the years. I feel like such an asshole that someone had to say these words to me. Back then, I thought “why do you care? I don’t even care…” But now I realize how selfish that was. I made them care because I couldn’t muster up the courage to care at least a little bit about myself. I had grown used to others doing that for me. I’m sure part of it was the extra attention. I’ve always loved attention, whether I was playing sports, trying to get the best scores/grades in school and now in performing my music. Luckily, however, I’ve never become dependent on the attention. I love it, but it’s one of the few addictions I’ve never had...

I thought a lot about those words a couple years later when I started writing this record. As I mentioned, this song was written second for the record (would’ve been cool to write them all in order… But, not sure if you noticed the tracks are in alphabetical order on the record, which was actually just a happy accident. I didn’t plan it that way, it just felt the best in this order.) and I wanted to go back in time (Back to the Future Huey Lewis style) to before when “what are we supposed to do now that we’ve wasted our youth?” took place. Did these people have any sort of real connection? Did they truly not care at all like in “i started killing myself years ago…?” Was there a time they weren’t just wasting away their days/months/years together?

And, the answer is: kind of, but not really. Key word in the song (all two lines of it) is “might.” “‘i might love you’ she said, with tears in her eyes.” Turns out she probably didn’t actually care that much. And I probably would have said the same thing had the roles been reversed. Maybe I had at some point and just forgotten, whether by drink, drug or just the passage of time. So, I guess we both cared, at least a little, but, likely, only a little.

Which brings me to another tenet of my songwriting: I try to never write how I “feel” and never try to speculate on how someone else might “feel.” I try to just tell the story. I can’t even pretend to understand how I actually feel most of the time (thank you, Asperger’s) so I wouldn’t try to pretend what someone else is feeling. So, I try to stick to the facts and let other people fill in the blanks. If there are feelings or emotions involved in a song they’re always ones that were explicitly told to me. One of the (Asperger’s?) triggers I have is being blamed for something I didn’t do or told that I meant or felt something I did not (just ask my wife, Brianne...). So, I would hate to characterize someone or assume they were thinking/feeling/etc. something they were not. It would drive me crazy and I try to respect that in others.

After I wrote those two lines, I struggled with what else to go with it. The lines were so powerful and painted such a story that everything I tried to add paled in comparison and didn’t really add much, if anything, to the story. But, surely the song couldn’t be just two lines? This is Bradley Wik we’re talking about. Writer of epics like “Just Like Jon Fickes.” The same man whose words are more important than singing the same vocal melody for each line, who sings over all his bridges to get more story in, and whose favorite songwriting trick (crutch?) for fitting in more lyrics is the double verse/double chorus. Eventually though, I gave up trying and just left the song as is. It said everything I wanted it to. Those simple words were all I needed and all this song did too.

But, again, like I’ve mentioned before, I didn’t sit down thinking all that and then poop out a song. All that was milling around in my subconscious until it came out on paper. It feels like magic when it happens, but that probably also shows you how out of touch with my thoughts/emotions/etc. I am due to the Asperger’s. No, this is me trying to reverse engineer all these tunes and hopefully put them in context on the record.

So, if what you’ve read about above has interested you and you’d like to purchase/donate to the cause, there are a few options:

Go to https://bradleywik.bandcamp.com/. You can stream for free or purchase (hint: you can also donate a little extra past the $4, if you like)
As I know these are trying times and people could use some entertainment, you can also download the record for FREE (CLICK HERE to access the google drive link with mp3’s of the record) with optional donation to: https://www.paypal.me/bradleywik

Thanks for reading and listening. I’ll be back soon with more info on track #3 - “we are not alone”

-30-